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Original poster

is he lying???

435 replies

confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 19:04

hi I've been a lurker on these boards for ages reading all the brilliant advice but never posted but here goes...
my boyf and I have been together about 2 yrs and although we don't live together we are now planning to move in together and hopefully have a family I was all up for this until fri night but now I'm confused....he went out with his friends fri night , called me before he left all love u etc etc and said he would keep in touch or let me know he got back ok....This didnt happen which I wasnt too bothered about but then we were meant to ve spending the day together sat ( as I had been really upset friday about something unrelated ) anyway I couldn't get hold of him at all sat sent msgs tried his phone LOTS which was off strangely as he's normally got it in his hand constantly...I was meant to be cooking dinner for us and it was all prepared...he finally rang at 8pm saying something along the lines of left his phone at a mates blah blah blah n then he would be over in a couple of hrs even tho id been waiting for him all day worried! He turned up at 10pm n refused to talk about it ie ive said I'm sorry can we forget about it now etc but its really bothered me.... Some things he said don't seem to make sense but he won't talk about it...either he's lying or just couldn't give a toss how I feel.....I know no one can say for definete he is/isnt lying just someone to talk to would be good as he won't discuss it and me over thinking it is poss making it worse....

OP posts:
why1989 · 11/02/2015 19:40

My ex was like this... We'd make plans, he'd go out with his mates & I'd not hear anything from him for a day/day and half. I never really trusted him to begin with & I always felt that I needed to be on guard. He made me feel like shit & it was a relief to end it tbh!
I look back now and just wish I'd ended it sooner and not taken his crap! Don't be a doormat OP- You deserve better, regardless of if he was cheating or not.

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 11/02/2015 20:08

he just rang...bit quiet but pretty much like the last conversation hadn't happened saying he would be round about 9 for his dinner! kinda want him to come over as I can't talk to him about anything that's up with me on phone as he will make an excuse to end phonecall but at least with him here I can say wtf!!! nervous now n got a glass of wine on the go lol

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 11/02/2015 20:18

listen to what you are saying, love

you have already accepted he has the right to cut you off once you start questioning his behaviour...why do you think this is ok ?

this is a very unequal relationship

he calls all the shots and you take all the shit Sad

SisterMerror · 11/02/2015 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 11/02/2015 20:26

I know :( cant get hold of him now...his dinner is in the oven guess its wait n see whether he turns up!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 11/02/2015 20:28

seriously ? After all this you will still "wait and see if he turns up" ? And you've cooked his meal ?

What would you say to someone you loved who was letting herself be treated like this ?

HollyJollyDillydolly · 11/02/2015 20:32

I don't think you should consider moving in with him unless he changes big time, if he's making you question yourself all the time now thats not a good start to living together.

SisterMerror · 11/02/2015 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Christinayang1 · 11/02/2015 20:44

Bin him and his bloody dinner

JenniferGovernment · 11/02/2015 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babbityann · 11/02/2015 20:52

My goodness OP!
How can you allow anyone to treat you like this?
And you've been with him for 2 years!
Was he always like this?
Where is your self esteem?

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 11/02/2015 21:40

hes here...eating his dinner! I'm stood in the garden having a fag I'm not hungry ... he says he only said about my diet coz he cares! need to talk to him after dinner....

OP posts:
SmillasSenseOfSnow · 11/02/2015 21:44

I can't believe he's happy to sit there eating while you're not. Don't you think you'd feel awkward if the roles were reversed?

Ouchbloodyouch · 11/02/2015 21:50

Nice. He's twatted you around all weekend and now he's sat there like lord fauntleroy with his snout in the trough. Bin him lovely x

InfinitySeven · 11/02/2015 21:53

I cannot believe that you cooked his dinner after that.

I mean, really?

At the very most, and I mean the absolute maximum, I might have allowed him into the house if he'd turned up. He wouldn't be treating me like a slave after his behaviour, though. And if he was concerned about you, he'd have offered to cook for you instead, and then made something nutritious.

He's taking the piss, knowing that you'll never leave him. This way, he can do whatever the hell he likes, and you'll still hang around and feed him.

InfinitySeven · 11/02/2015 21:53

I cannot believe that you cooked his dinner after that.

I mean, really?

At the very most, and I mean the absolute maximum, I might have allowed him into the house if he'd turned up. He wouldn't be treating me like a slave after his behaviour, though. And if he was concerned about you, he'd have offered to cook for you instead, and then made something nutritious.

He's taking the piss, knowing that you'll never leave him. This way, he can do whatever the hell he likes, and you'll still hang around and feed him.

Ziggyzoom · 11/02/2015 21:55

Just a thought, but is it possible he was arrested? This would explain his phone being off, then on again. Would also explain the longer absence than playing away would.
This is no better in reality and still does not excuse his contemptuous approach to you, but it is a possible explanation.

Jackw · 11/02/2015 22:34

Come on, come on, he's been horrible to you in several different ways but now he's eating a meal you cooked on his own while you are in the garden. This is not a normal, healthy relationship. And that line about I was only insulting and rude to you because I care about you is classic abusers' script.

Solasum · 11/02/2015 23:11

A good relationship enhances your life. Can you think of a single way in which this man does that?

It is really sad to read your posts OP. You are clearly such an affectionate and nice person. You will be a great mum one day I am sure. But he is not a good man, and will not be a good dad either. Your future kids deserve so much better than this, and so do you. You do not need to settle for being treated like you do not matter.

TokenGinger · 12/02/2015 07:07

How did the chat go last night?

SisterMerror · 12/02/2015 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 12/02/2015 11:00

thank u for all your replies... I'm embarrassed to say how last night went but here goes anyway....we had dinner it must have been quite obvious I wasnt my normal self very quiet etc....he had called on the way to say was I in a good mood and I said I was until I got an absolute bollocking about my lifestyle when id only wanted to know what time he wanted dinner! he said btw ive given up smoking today so I'm cranky! anyway had dinner he said come n cuddle up as I was sat other end of the sofa n to cheer up...he was affectionate etc stroking my hair etc but I was clearly not into it...went to bed together n fell asleep watching tv.... got up late this morning n he was in a strop that he now had no time to make his lunch and is on call till midnight with no food as forgot his bankcard too...I had no time to make his lunch as I was late too and had to get my daughter sorted so said dont worry ill give u some cash to buy lunch n snacks all day/night...he was really arsey going no dont worry about me ill just starve but then in the end accepted the cash and some fags to keep him going for the day...:(

OP posts:
imjustahead · 12/02/2015 11:06

oh my god, just tell him to fuck off.

this is so childish.

Christinayang1 · 12/02/2015 11:07

You need to make HIS lunch or give him money for it???????

OP please listen to yourself this man is completely using you, get out, at least for the sake of your dd

DPotter · 12/02/2015 11:11

Oh my love you need to grab this problem by the horns and get it sorted.

What do you want to happen ? I think you know deep down he isn't going to change, so you'll have to be the one who changes. You can continue as things are now, tell him he has to start showing respect & consideration or tell him he has to go. I think you know the first 2 are not for the long term.

The longer you put off challenging him, the more difficult it will be. Make a plan, write it down if that will help and then stick to it.