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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

is he lying???

435 replies

confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 19:04

hi I've been a lurker on these boards for ages reading all the brilliant advice but never posted but here goes...
my boyf and I have been together about 2 yrs and although we don't live together we are now planning to move in together and hopefully have a family I was all up for this until fri night but now I'm confused....he went out with his friends fri night , called me before he left all love u etc etc and said he would keep in touch or let me know he got back ok....This didnt happen which I wasnt too bothered about but then we were meant to ve spending the day together sat ( as I had been really upset friday about something unrelated ) anyway I couldn't get hold of him at all sat sent msgs tried his phone LOTS which was off strangely as he's normally got it in his hand constantly...I was meant to be cooking dinner for us and it was all prepared...he finally rang at 8pm saying something along the lines of left his phone at a mates blah blah blah n then he would be over in a couple of hrs even tho id been waiting for him all day worried! He turned up at 10pm n refused to talk about it ie ive said I'm sorry can we forget about it now etc but its really bothered me.... Some things he said don't seem to make sense but he won't talk about it...either he's lying or just couldn't give a toss how I feel.....I know no one can say for definete he is/isnt lying just someone to talk to would be good as he won't discuss it and me over thinking it is poss making it worse....

OP posts:
confusedmum74 · 25/02/2015 18:43

@ bodytransplant Thank u :) and I agree where the hell do men like u hide eh? I've only ever met nasty controlling ones!

OP posts:
Christinayang1 · 25/02/2015 18:44

Hi confused

How are you

confusedmum74 · 25/02/2015 18:50

@fuckyouchris....thanks and yeah I hope I am .... strangely I so badly wanted to cave and have his cuddles at the weekend when he offered to feel close again as that's what I was desperate for from him but I don't think that "him" will last...he says he feels I'm punishing him and hes learnt his lesson now can't we just drop the animosity n go back to how we were....I'm not sure if he means before or after "that night" when he says how we were but the him since that night is def not something I wanna continue with its too painful and I felt constatly anxious....x

OP posts:
confusedmum74 · 25/02/2015 18:52

@christina....erm plodding on I guess....its still very hard and took every ounce of strength I had not to say yeah ill come for a cuddle and u can stay over and cuddle up the other night but I did refuse! he left n I just cried coz that little glimpse he showed me is the him I want and miss but potentially is not the real him at all x

OP posts:
Christinayang1 · 25/02/2015 18:59

Of course it's hard, you are doing amazingly well

Anymore thoughts on trying to get a bit if a social life?

Joysmum · 25/02/2015 19:31

It didnt really get me anywhere he said pls stop reading too much into everything and that everything was fine and was like come here for a cuddle ( which I didnt ) and asked if it was ok for him to have a beer n stay over

In other words, I'm ok and I couldn't give a shit that you're not, either take it as I want it or not at all.

Hardly surprising giving he has form for this. He couldn't give a shit about your feeling as long as he's alright because he's selfish.

JenniferGovernment · 25/02/2015 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charley50 · 25/02/2015 21:21

Hello how are you doin? I think you mentioned upthread that you have a couple of friends who are often busy? I think you should call them and explain you really could do with some company one evening. If they can't come to you go to theirs with DD. You need some contact that isn't (ex?) DP.

DinosaursStillExist · 05/03/2015 22:59

hi confused, how are you.getting on? not heard from you in a little while

Dowser · 06/03/2015 00:40

Wow I've just ploughed through all 18 pages of this thread and what a journey you've been on confused.

You've had some great support on here and you are doing just great.

It's really hard to wean yourself off someone but it can be done.

He's the star of his own show isn't he? Charmed the pants off you in the beginning but now he gives you his dregs because in his mind you are worth only a minimum bit off effort. A bit like the plate spinner. He sees one drooping at the other side of the room , dashes over gives it a quick spin....and then he's off again.

You know you are worth more than that. Don't you? He hasn't had to put a lot of effort in with you because you've been tied with your daughter.

How convenient for him. Otherwise he might have had to put more effort in. Take you out on proper dates. Weekends away etc . All the nice things that happen at the beginning of a relationship.

He doesn't like it when you go cold on him. He's selfish and insecure and he's sucking you dry.

You won't get any answers from. He's not interested in how you feel.

Just go NC with him. Don't even tell him it's over. Ignore everything. Change your number. You'll never get anything back from this excuse for a man.

You know if you pick a scab it takes a long time to heal. Every time you answer a txt or a call you are putting your healing back to the beginning again.

Cry your tears. You aren't in a good place right now but you know what tomorrow your life could change in a heartbeat.

I was in the bad place you are in but I slowly began to crawl out that hole and realised that even if he came crawling back naked pushing a peanut with the end of his nose I still wouldn't have him back. You too will get to that place.

Remember this

No man is worth your tears.
And a good man won't make you cry .

You're going to be just fine. Do keep posting ;-)

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