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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

is he lying???

435 replies

confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 19:04

hi I've been a lurker on these boards for ages reading all the brilliant advice but never posted but here goes...
my boyf and I have been together about 2 yrs and although we don't live together we are now planning to move in together and hopefully have a family I was all up for this until fri night but now I'm confused....he went out with his friends fri night , called me before he left all love u etc etc and said he would keep in touch or let me know he got back ok....This didnt happen which I wasnt too bothered about but then we were meant to ve spending the day together sat ( as I had been really upset friday about something unrelated ) anyway I couldn't get hold of him at all sat sent msgs tried his phone LOTS which was off strangely as he's normally got it in his hand constantly...I was meant to be cooking dinner for us and it was all prepared...he finally rang at 8pm saying something along the lines of left his phone at a mates blah blah blah n then he would be over in a couple of hrs even tho id been waiting for him all day worried! He turned up at 10pm n refused to talk about it ie ive said I'm sorry can we forget about it now etc but its really bothered me.... Some things he said don't seem to make sense but he won't talk about it...either he's lying or just couldn't give a toss how I feel.....I know no one can say for definete he is/isnt lying just someone to talk to would be good as he won't discuss it and me over thinking it is poss making it worse....

OP posts:
Ratarse · 10/02/2015 22:00

Is he a big drinker? It is possible that he got totally pissed and just couldn't be arsed coming round, also if his dead phone got switched on with a dead battery then everything will have been delivered in the few seconds it was on.

I wouldn't automatically jump to the conclusion that he is cheating on you, but he is a childish dickhead. You have to decide if you want to live with a manbaby, I know what I would do, life is far too short!

Good luck op, you sound like a nice person.

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 10/02/2015 22:05

hi ratarse...he doesnt drink often but when him n his mates do go out properly ( once every couple of months maybe ) they drink to the point of oblivion and all egg each other on etc...he says they were drinking tequilla that night till 5:30am ...

OP posts:
Ratarse · 10/02/2015 22:12

Sounds to me like he is telling the truth and he was too hungover to come round any sooner, it doesn't excuse his behaviour to you though.

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 10/02/2015 22:15

@ratarse...thank you that is what I'm hoping ...x

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/02/2015 22:22

if you consider this is good enough for you, love, that is a shame Sad

hope can be a cruel mistress...

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 10/02/2015 22:39

I just meant I hope he was just hungover/asleep rather than up to anything worse...

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/02/2015 22:45

I know, love, but whatever he was up to it doesn't change his poor treatment of you

and the fact he has minimised it since

it's not good enough

inlectorecumbit · 10/02/2015 23:16

^^^ yep exactly

Joysmum · 10/02/2015 23:22

Totally agree with AF.

If dh or I are feeling vulnerable we're there for each other and don't belittle each other for it because we hate seeing each other unhappy.

Surely you deserve the same?

TokenGinger · 10/02/2015 23:33

I've had to join up just to reply to this message!

So many responses say he must be up to something, and if you're anyhing like a regular woman, that'll be knotting your stomach in to balls of anxiety.

What I have to say is, if you had no worries about this guy up until this incident, after two years, that's pretty good going. And I'd say you have nothing to worry about.

There's two explanations here, in my mind.

  1. He's left his phone at his mates. His mate has spotted it the next day and stuck it on charge for him - which naturally turns the phone on!... So, regardless of whether the friend knows the passcode or not, if the friend has wifi, the phone will automatically connect WITHOUT the SIM card being unlocked - explaining why the messages delivered but were not read. This, however, does not explain why he's not being open about it. Which leads me to suggestion 2.
  1. He got rat arsed, as he's already explained, up until 5.30am drinking. He's probabt crashed at his mates, woke up to go pee and stuck his phone on charge when you saw the messages deliver. He gets back in bed, hears the phone pinging with your messages, he has a bad head from drinking too much, still hungover, thinks, "let's get some more sleep" so turns it off. Then wakes up ridiculously late on when he gets in touch with you, knows he's late for his plans but doesn't want to admit it and make himself look like a dick, so doesn't discuss it.
TokenGinger · 10/02/2015 23:34

Disclaimer: I only read the first page of the thread and have just spotted it's a four page thread. Apologies if any of the other pages discount my post!

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 10/02/2015 23:51

@tokenginger thanks for your reply and yeah I hope one of those 2 explanations is correct I really do id like to think theres a plausable ( altho still inconsiderate ) explanation rather than woke up in some other woman's bed....thank u x

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 11/02/2015 00:01

When I read your original post, the thought of another woman's bed didn't even enter my head, and I'm usually the most pessimistic person and always think the worst. But honestly, I really do think there is a genuine explanation. Good luck with it :) xx

BathtimeFunkster · 11/02/2015 00:16

There is no "genuine explanation" for his behaviour since other than

1 he has no respect for you and expects you to put up with whatever shit he sends your way.

A nice bloke who loved you wouldn't be behaving this way.

Duckdeamon · 11/02/2015 07:38

Let's assume it was not anything to do with other women, it was still shit to treat you like that and, combined with the other things you've mentioned, warrants waiting some time before moving in or ttc.

TokenGinger · 11/02/2015 08:28

After catching up on the whole thread, I agree he's treated you pretty shit since, and I'd be wanting a big apology. And probably a Mars Bar.

Joysmum · 11/02/2015 08:54

For me, it's not about what happened the more serious matter is the complete dismissal and belittlement of the OP's feelings.

Surely when you are in a loving and respectful relationship you want your partner to never feel bad, whatever the circumstances? You'd want them to be able to be honest and you'd want to be able to reassure and take their worries away?

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 11/02/2015 18:37

ok so I made a plan with my mate that I was going to not mention saturday at all for a couple of days as I think hes acting really offish and dont want to give him the excuse its due to me keeping on about that...then if he still is in a couple of days I can ask why...
anyway I'm meant to be cooking us dinner tonight and rang him to say what time should I put it on...he out of the blue started going nuts about that the reason ive been feeling ill lately is due to my diet n hes not prepared to look after someone that doesnt look after themself...not that ive ever asked him to its me that looks after him spoils him all the time! where the hell did that come from??? apparently hes still coming for dinner later I don't even know what to say when I see him now :(

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 11/02/2015 18:42

If I were in your situation right now I would assume he wanted to end the relationship but was too cowardly to do it like a grown up

instead he is deliberately and with aforethought treating you badly and engineering arguments so you will be the one forced to call it a day

I would give him what he wants and be done with it, frankly

IsabeauMichelle · 11/02/2015 18:44

He's panicking and looking for excuses to end it. He sounds like a complete cunt tbh.

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 11/02/2015 18:52

Thanks that's what I thought was happening :(

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 11/02/2015 19:02
Sad
Original poster
confusedmum74 · 11/02/2015 19:15

I dont even know what to say to him when/if he turns up???? I did try n ring him bk to say wtf was that for but he didn't answer x

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 11/02/2015 19:18

I would pre empt him turning up by ringing and telling not to bother. And make it permanent.

SisterMerror · 11/02/2015 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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