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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

is he lying???

435 replies

confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 19:04

hi I've been a lurker on these boards for ages reading all the brilliant advice but never posted but here goes...
my boyf and I have been together about 2 yrs and although we don't live together we are now planning to move in together and hopefully have a family I was all up for this until fri night but now I'm confused....he went out with his friends fri night , called me before he left all love u etc etc and said he would keep in touch or let me know he got back ok....This didnt happen which I wasnt too bothered about but then we were meant to ve spending the day together sat ( as I had been really upset friday about something unrelated ) anyway I couldn't get hold of him at all sat sent msgs tried his phone LOTS which was off strangely as he's normally got it in his hand constantly...I was meant to be cooking dinner for us and it was all prepared...he finally rang at 8pm saying something along the lines of left his phone at a mates blah blah blah n then he would be over in a couple of hrs even tho id been waiting for him all day worried! He turned up at 10pm n refused to talk about it ie ive said I'm sorry can we forget about it now etc but its really bothered me.... Some things he said don't seem to make sense but he won't talk about it...either he's lying or just couldn't give a toss how I feel.....I know no one can say for definete he is/isnt lying just someone to talk to would be good as he won't discuss it and me over thinking it is poss making it worse....

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/02/2015 22:24

Oh dear. Then you might end up like my friend. Sad

You don't have to STFU about it, you know.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2015 22:25

where has he fucked off to at 10pm on a school night ? Angry

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 22:31

@anyfucker...what do u mean?? re ur last msg? x

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/02/2015 22:40

did you say his mate turned up and he went out again.or did I get that wrong ?

AnyFucker · 09/02/2015 22:42

Oh sorry, he's not at your house at the moment. My mistake. You were talking to him though and his mate turned up. I get it. That's a bit off though, he obviously isn't taking your opinion very seriously is he ?

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 22:45

No hes not here...we were just on the phone...his mate did actually turn up as he shouted hi to me but he does this all the time if im having a conversation he doesnt wanna have suddenly hes got another call coming thru he needs to take, he needs to go n will call me back etc... I'm not expecting he will call bk tonight even tho he said he would

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/02/2015 22:47

That's not a nice way to treat someone Sad

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 22:49

hes been so good recently...I felt brilliant last week feel like this has put me back to square one trust/insecurity wise n for what??

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/02/2015 22:52

well yes, there don't seem to be many rewards in this for you

a relationship should make you feel happy and secure

not miserable and suspicious

Ouchbloodyouch · 09/02/2015 22:52

he's been so good recently Confused it shouldn't be like this! Get rid. I command you.

Solasum · 09/02/2015 22:53

OP you do not want to even think about kids with someone you can't rely upon, really you don't.

jasper · 09/02/2015 22:54

has he been an arse before or is this the first time ?

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 23:00

a yr or so ago he was going thru alot emotionally ( and doesnt deal with stress well at all ) so he was very offish....I stuck with it n felt like we had really turned a corner now...am hoping he is just thoughtless rather than dodgy....

OP posts:
vinegarandbrownpaper · 09/02/2015 23:03

Its weird because part of me would turn off a phone and be resistent if I'd had constant questioning and 'test texts' if was on a night out where I wanted not to be tied to a sober partner being suspicious, and certainly 'could we leave it ok' is a response I'd give to someone prodding for an alternative and negative explanation for me doing my own thing as it can be really difficult when someone is fixed on the idea you are hiding something and won't stop trying to find something.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2015 23:03

this seems to be a pattern though, love

why does he take out his bad moods on you ? Do you think you deserve that ?

vinegarandbrownpaper · 09/02/2015 23:12

Oh great! Accidently post so that I look like I am just excusing Hmm

There is also something annoying in an assumption that an off phone is personal and deliberate, but that all said, you feel like he can't be trusted and you have to decide if this is your feeling of being left out or if it is fear he will be unfaithful/unreliable, or a need to know everything he does, or a 'sense'

I think in all of these things instead of trying to see evidence of what you have decided is the outcome, tell him how you feel.. a bit left alone.. and worried. The trouble is that the more innocent he is, the more insulted he will feel and the 'doth protest too much' fear will kick in.

Do you think there is a chance of pissed, wanting an uninterfered with night out, a next day attempt to turn the phone on, but it went off straight away because no batteries, and then a hungover reluctance to face accusations?

If not then keep an eye out and seek signals.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2015 23:15

I would turn all that around

Stop minutely examining his behaviour and analyse how it makes you feel

If you feel miserable, insecure and unhappy then it is time to walk away. That is all you need to know. Really, it is.

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 23:48

@vinegar...I said to him before he went out ill talk to u tomorrow have a good night n it was him that was saying no its ok u can still msg me I call u later drunk etc...I sent 2 msgs while he was out 1 just saying hope ur having a great night n that id managed to get my little girl down without a fuss and the 2nd was a screenshot of something he had asked me to send him so not exactly like I was hassling him while he was out or making a nuisance of myself I don't think....

OP posts:
Beyoncescat · 10/02/2015 00:00

Always trust your gut feeling! Mine has never let me down!

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 10/02/2015 00:02

@vinegar...that may be what it was I guess or hope....

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedmum74 · 10/02/2015 00:04

just had a msg saying love u baby stop reading too much into things everything is fine...ie stfu n stop talking about this....

OP posts:
KristinaM · 10/02/2015 00:09

Don't move in with him , he doesn't respect you or treat you well . You have your daughter to think about, you can't let anyone mess you about like this . You can do better .

And whatever happens , DO NOT GET PREGNANT . It won't make him " grow up " and act responsibly . These boards are full of women who hoped that and it didn't work Sad

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 10/02/2015 00:15

@kristina.... funny you should say that as I think maybe I'm being over sensitive/hormonal about this a bit due to just not feeling "right" atm...dizzy spells, feeling sick so so tired etc...im really hoping its not that! obv I should be asleep now as I'm knackered but my mind is racing with all of this I can't see that happening any time soon.... Thanks for listening Sad

OP posts:
KristinaM · 10/02/2015 00:19

Don't panic , lots of other things can make you feel tired and dizzy . If you are seriously worried , do a Pg test ASAP.

And if you decide to shag this guy again, for goodnes sake use a condom as well as the pill / coil / depo. You don't know where hes been

Sorry to be so blunt . I get angry at these guys taking the piss out of single mums

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 10/02/2015 00:22

@kristina...thanks and I dont think u were being blunt....just feel massively over hormonal but poss him playing down everything is making it all ramp up massively in my emotions coz I feel like they are unimportant if that makes sense?

OP posts: