DP just told me he's infatuated with a woman at work

[Flumpy2012]

I'm 8 weeks pregnant with dc2. Dp and I had a big row over something silly which escalated yesterday and continued today and I knew there was something underlying. He's lost 2.5 stone, had his hair cut and started smoking again, he also had a snipe about the fact that we've not dtd since conception(previous mc and General anxiety and nausea)

Please someone tell me what to do?

Have you actually spoken to SS or seen a member of SS at your house?

Oh God, how terrible. I think you need to see a solicitor right away. Can you call anyone at all to help support you?

Please call WA. You've been emotionally abused if nothing else.

Are you certain you spoke to social services?

I left her in his care he has PR so he doesn't have to bring her back.
SS have visited and I spoke to them today.
I feel like we have both made some very bad decisions and that has to change as parents for dd sake.
He did call, I spoke to dd she is fine. He told me where they are and that she has what she needs. I asked him to keep his phone on now and he agreed. He said he doesn't plan to return her tomorrow because I won't be well enough but he's taking one day at a time.

I am so exhausted I just can't comprehend anything properly at the moment

Thank you for the support x

you are not "well" enough to see your own daughter ?

Go to your GP tomorrow and start a paper trail of how you are actually perfectly well and sane. Speak to Women's Aid. Speak to a family law solicitor. Call 101 and report him.

if he is going to go down the ridiculous route of fighting you for "custody" by saying you are "mentally ill" Jeremy Kyle stylee then you need some professional people on your side

He means physically because of my kidneys.

I think this has been escalated far enough without calling any other services at the moment. I want it to calm down, not get worse.

I know he will bring her back, I just don't know when. I have to play the long game otherwise he will use my actions against me if I act irrationally anymore.

I don't feel we are getting the full story here

What do you mean act irrationally ?

Am I right in presupposing you've had significant mental health problems in the past?

"Presupposing"? That should say, "presuming".

It wouldn't be acting "irrationally" to demand to know where your own daughter and when you will see her again. W£ho told it would be ?

where your own daughter is

Op I hope you are okay, do you have any family that could come and stay?

I suffer with acute anxiety. I did type further down tht I've thrown things and pushed him etc in the past.
He has stopped my bank card in the past so at the moment I hve emptied our joint account which isn't very rational but he's left me with no money before and I'm just trying to protect myself.

I don't have any severe mh problems. I did suffer antenatal depression with dd as I previously lost a baby late. But never pnd or anything. I self harmed as a teenager.

I just know that if I keep calling - which is pointless as his phone is off or texting or emailing he will show SS and it looks like harassment.

I know she is safe, I have to trust that whilst he's being a c**t he is actually a good dad and will act in her best interests.

I can't expect him to have dd today because I was in hospital and then demand her back, it makes me look crazy. I feel like I'm under a magnifying glass now and I need to be seen to be doing the right thing for dd and the best thing in pregnancy too. I don't have the energy to rant and rave anymore.

Sometimes these types make you feel like your anxiety is a sign of your 'hysteria' when actually, anxiety can sometimes be the most logical and predictable reaction to extremely levels of stress over a long period of time.

ie, you're not hysterical or mentally ill or irrational, you've just been coping with life with a bastard.

A bastard who's stopped your money and taken your child. I bet he is quick to label you 'crazy' though. Crazy when you ask for anything. For example your own money.

As well as talking to women's aid, talk to your work. Can you tell your work that you need a few days compassionate leave due to a relationship break down. Speak to women's aid and they will be able to help you find somewhere cheaper to rent. xx

I don't work. I study with the OU and am full time mum.

The shit continues as he insists on leaving dd with a stranger today even though there is space at nursery but the drive is too long as he decided to stay near work. SS were clear to me she would remain in his care or the care of someone she knows unless an assessment has been done on where he wishes to leave her. He says they told him it was fine. I've just confirmed tht this isn't true with SS who are now trying to contact him.

It's all about control, we are both fighting for control but I do feel I only want nursery because it's where dd knows and is happy.
I hope I can pick her up but I can't guarantee as I don't know what will happen with the hospital today.

I feel like the issue has gone a long way from him fancying another woman now

I'd have a read of my recent post in relationships. It sounds rather similar I'm afraid. Hope you're okay x

What the actual fuck? He's leaving you daughter with a stranger???

Please get Women's Aid involved. Tell everyone (GP, police). That paper trail is very important because it shows you don't hesitate to do the right thing.

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but this is surely a child protection issue now and SS should be on high alert regarding his behaviour.

I'm a little confused by the details here. Why does he have PR for her? Do you have long term involvement with SS, because they would not usually respond by visiting so quickly under these circumstances, I wouldn't have thought. Why would you texting or emailing him for information about your daughter, who he is preventing from being with you, be considered harassment?

I'm assuming there must be a huge back story here?

I'm assuming there must be a huge back story here?

I can understand possible reasons why you, OP, may be reluctant to share too much detail, but I really think you'll get better advice if you do.

I would urge you to think carefully about going ahead and having another child with this man.

I think in all honesty your relationship with him is dead in the water.

Unless your child is on a plan then your husband can certainly leave your child with whom he likes??

Because he is responsible and not the SS.

I've been following this thread but am massively confused. How did it get to him taking your daughter and not giving her back from him telling you he fancied a girl at work? Why are ss involved? Have they had previous involvement? Why won't DH bring your DD back?

Sorry I'm not refusing to give the full story it's just so long.
He left when I was 16wks pg with dd, I had severe ante natal depression because of previous late loss. He went totally NC for 6 weeks and things were awful. We slowly built our relationship as parents, appointments and getting ready and I went to cbt and used the IPPS service too. I had gestational diabetes, insulin dependent, spd and couldn't walk for the last 8 weeks, and kidney problems. I had 17 scans under foetal medicine and it was a harrowing and lonely time. But he did support and he was there. Dd was born and everything changed, I was well and happier than ever. We moved out of the old house and stayed at her dads whilst I found a house, we never spoke of a relationship and were just parents but it was good.
He was not himself though, not washing, not ironing his shirts, not cooking for DSS, drained and crying a lot. I told him that I was there if he wanted to talk but he never really did.
Dd and I moved into our house alone and we were happy and settled and he continued to support. He was around a lot though and I realised I would never move on so I gave him the ultimatum, normal contact with dd or going things a go. We argued over it for a while. Then he said no and I moved on, met someone a few dates. Then ex turned up and poured his heart out, proposed marriage, more children, a new house together, had made his biggest mistake. We went to relate as I was still unsure but we made it work and were very happy from September 2013 - July 2014

In July I became unwell, DSS broke up from school and I found it hard, dp worked long hours too. I sometimes missed my life alone! I had brain scans and tests etc but nothing was found. In August DSS failed his as levels which was more pressure and stress, in September I was rushed in for surgery for ruptured ovarian cysts and acute appendicitis. He had to take impromptu time off work and his boss is not understanding, more stress. I didn't like his attitude and we argued and I drive to my parents with dd and ended up rupturing stitches. He did follow and help but he also had been telling a few lies and talking a lot to his ex wife, nothing major but - how was you holiday xx sort of stuff and I didn't like it. I took his phone and made him go home and leave for a few days so I could think.
He came back and we sorted things out and aired our feelings which we rarely do.
I had got behind with uni and he was trying to do flexi at work so I could study which didn't work and on day I needed him to have dd and he refused so I took her to his office, he was not impressed. We did sort things out though and he finally understood how much I was struggling to keep up with everything.
DSS got an apprenticeship and moved to his mums which was hard as we missed him and things were just different and dd missed him too.

In October we started ttc again after a break whilst Id been ill. We were both terrified of another difficult pregnancy but wanted a bigger family. I think the opk's and symptom spotting was hard on him and me too. And I was still playing catch up with uni and he was struggling to keep to a new arrangement of working from home.

So, where do social services come in to this?

He'd agree to work from home and then just leave, it was 4 weeks in a row and I got fed up and would walk out leaving him with dd so he couldn't go trying to get him to understand that I needed the support and to study. He called SS for advice when he felt I wasn't coping and they just said they didn't need involvement and health cosi to could help.

Then I fell pregnant, and we were in this amazing happy baby bubble, both so excited and happy. Planning for Christmas etc but I mc just before, I was devestated, he asked me when we could try again and she said whenever you're ready but they recommend a period for dating purposes. He struggled to understand my feelings saying the mc was so early at 6 weeks and so common, it felt like I couldn't talk about it and he Howard no emotion. I wanted to ttc again because I wanted that happiness back, he thought we Gould wait for the period but we ended up just trying. I got pregnant again but things weren't so great, I was a nervous wreck, so tired, so nauseous too and some days I wouldn't get dressed or tidy or cook and some weekends I just stayed in bed, he picked up the slack and was brilliantly caring for me. He did mention the lack of intimacy but we talked and I thought he understood. I pretty much said just bear with me for these few weeks