DP just told me he's infatuated with a woman at work

[Flumpy2012]

I'm 8 weeks pregnant with dc2. Dp and I had a big row over something silly which escalated yesterday and continued today and I knew there was something underlying. He's lost 2.5 stone, had his hair cut and started smoking again, he also had a snipe about the fact that we've not dtd since conception(previous mc and General anxiety and nausea)

Please someone tell me what to do?

I wouldn't trust he is giving you the full story

And him telling you to fight for him - erm nope. He needs to leave. I agree with Springlamb wholeheartedly. So sorry.

springlamb- I totally agree. I wouldn't waste my time "fighting" for a man.

Fuck that.Either he wants to be with me or he doesn't. If he is unsure then he can piss off until he can man up.

Google the "pick me dance"

and make sure you don't do that

I also wholeheartedly agree with springlamb

how dare he do this to you, where is your anger ?

"If you won't put out it'll be your fault when I shag someone who will".

Twat.

I am so sorry, this is a really shit thing to go through especially when PG and feeling so vulnerable

I am not going to come out with trite comments like "LTB" or "pack his bags"

HOWEVER - I do think you need to stop focussing on him as he is having a huge fucking pity party and acting like a complete selfish cunt

• he is using the fact that he is being honest (fucking bully for him) to share really hurtful info

- he is blaming YOU for his emotional affairs - despite the fact its him being the cxxt here, he is gaslighting you so you feel guilty- WTF

he has form, he did this last time too. all I can say is dont take this OP. he is being a complete arsehole, and then is trying to blame you for his arsehole behaviour. WTF!

you do what you want to do, and dont feel ashamaed. if you cant talk to people, post here. you have done nothing wrong

HE HAS !

He doesn't seem particularly repentant OP.

Seems a bit like he'll stay with you til something he prefers comes along.

Flumpy I am sorry you are once again facing a crisis during pregnancy, the timing can't be coincidental. Honestly, how much of what he said sounds genuine?

Knee-jerk LTB oh please. This isn't someone casually remarking on how attractive a celebrity is. It's someone telling his pregnant partner she's failing him on different levels, she's driving him to cheat with an unknown but irresistable female at work.

Some women seem very invested in helping other women accept poor treatment from men

it's a puzzle to me

So sorry for your situation op.

So he's basically 'giving you notice' that if this woman decides to notice his preening efforts and give him the green light, he will be unfaithful, and won't have to feel so bad about it as at least he's been 'honest'...

You deserve so much better. Utter bullshit that 'most men' wouldn't turn her down. There are always going to be attractive women out there. A decent man who loves you would never say or do such a shitty, disrespectful thing.

Please don't put up with this, get some outside support from friends and family - you have nothing to feel ashamed about, he's the arsehole, not you.

It is a puzzle indeed, nobody deserves an unfaithful, lying husband. I fail to see why you should tolerate this on any level. And his faux honesty - well, what a hero.

You gotta fight for him?

FUCK.......THAT!!!

He should be by your side, helping you through troubled times, having your back, like you would his.

Tell him to fuck the fucking fuck off and stroke his own fucking ego. That's what is hands are for.

Anyfucker I know people like that in RL.

Sadly they also tend to be in shit relationships and seem to try and make themselves feel better about it by convincing themselves (and others) that it's normal.

Even fighting to get this relationship back on track, (which is not up to you for a start!), could you actually ever truly trust him again?

I couldn't. And I couldn't cope in a relationship lacking trust.

You need to take charge, get control, and kick the fucker out.

I'm sorry but if the only reason he hasn't shagged this woman yet is because she hasn't asked him to then to me he may as well have.
I know it's easy for me to say as I'm not pg with a toddler but I think you need to respond to him in the same way you would if he admitted he HAD shagged her - ask him does he want to save your marriage and if so how is HE going to do that. You don't need to do anything other than formulate a plan to protect yourself and the children should this woman also find your OH attractive. Are you married? If not it's easier to split but you have less protection so start squirreling away money and making an action plan in case you decide you do need to leave and to be honest for the same of your self respect I think you do.

It actually makes me feel quite nauseous AF.

OP I am alone with two kids, no help, no support at all and yet I am happier than I ever was with their Dad around. My dc both have autism as well so it's not been straight forward.

I wouldn't even talk to him. I would just withdraw and concentrate on ME and MY child and MY pregnancy.

Personally I think he sounds like a pathetic specimen but you seem to want him to stick around. Try to examine whether or not that's just panic and desperation to keep things on an even keel especially given that he already crapped all over your last pregnancy and now looks set to do the same here. I can see why you've gone into batten down the hatches mode to prevent those awful feelings again.

Seriously what is there to want in a man like this. He sounds like a self indulgent prick and I am disgusted by a man that drops this on his pregnancy wife. He should be protecting and cherishing you now but no, another pregnancy overshadowed by him and his game playing.

You'll be furious about this one day and how he ruined your time with your dc during their early childhood. I hope it's sooner rather than later.

I agree with springlamb. He should be trying to convince you to let him stay after what he's said, the cheeky sod.

Not sure if I would even believe there is a woman at work. It could be a figment of his imagination. He sounds a total pain. Don't know if I could put up with this nonsense. Tell him he's not worth fighting for. If he was you might consider it but he's not.

OP your university will have an access to learning fund. This fund is for people who's studies are threatened by scenarios such as yours.

You will also get free grants to pay for the childrens nursery.

And single parents support grants/tax credits/ council tax reduction. So do not worry about your studies. Do not give them up.

This man has hurt you badly, with his breakdown last time and now this.

Please contact your university finance team and explain your circumstances so that you can reassure yourself with regards to money.

Then please consider asking him to pack a bag and leave. I personally think he will be off like a shot. It's possible that this woman has said she likes him too but will not get involved while he is in a relationship. He had therefore came and told you a half story to see if you throw him out. This will enable him to tell people that you asked him to leave and then he won't look like the bad guy.

Let him go now and you will save yourself years of future heartache.

If you want to fight for your marriage, you need to kick him out.

He has just told you your exclusive relationship is over and that he will sleep with someone else if he gets the chance.

Unless you are on board with an open relationship, then a boundary has been crossed and you need to recognise that in how you act.

Why you would want to share your life with such a weak, cruel, pathetic man is another matter.

Are you only eight weeks pregnant?

So he was happy to try for a baby just two months ago?

I wouldn't have anymore children with him tbh

And some women seem very invested in haranging other women if they don't toe their line & I don't get that either.

Not talking about this thread specifically but we usually only hear one viewpoint from OPs (obviously) & yet it takes 2.... almost no one portrays themselves in a bad light.... sometimes telling people they are 100% right & it's totally the other person's fault while not encouraging them to examine themselves too is not very helpful And sometimes berating women who don't leave immediately as they instructed - from the safety of cyberspace ffs - not helpful or supportive to the OP either. It can all come across very Mean Girls. NB I am not talking about this thread it has just come up here

using this distressed lady's thread to have a go at a perceived group of posters is out of order

go start your own

FWIW I have a friend going through very similar though she isn't pg & the object of his affections seems to have emigrated to get away from him... I am very clear he has to regain her trust & that she needs to actively decide what she wants rather than be grateful for what he decides. In RL it can be much clearer but you still can't know exactly what goes on inside other people's relationships. She has unilaterally decided to make some changes e.g. being more independent/doing more things & letting him look after the kids - even though she has previously assumed she's better at it so should do it all! :/

Anyfucker - go look in the mirror!