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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I disgust my dp

299 replies

Imsogross · 13/01/2015 23:29

I've name changed for this so I hope it works.

Dp doesn't really seem interested in sex or any form of intimacy with me. We had sex 5 times last year.

New Year's Eve he told me he was going to make the effort and we had sex. Because I'm so used to never doing it I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. So my confidence is very low.

Tonight dp thought it was funny to tell me that when we had sex I stank. I don't understand how I could have? I had just got out of the shower and I'm a very clean person.

I certainly wouldn't let him near me if I did smell. He laughed at me and watched as my face crumbled.

I feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself. I have put weight on and I'm now 9st which he hates. He likes to tell me I'm overweight too.

I'm so upset and humiliated Sad

OP posts:
NiceCupOfTeaAndALittleSitDown · 13/01/2015 23:31

9st is not overweight unless you are a giant.
He sounds horrible. This is emotional abuse, not part of a healthy relationship. Is there anything else going on?

AnyFucker · 13/01/2015 23:32

Why is he still with you then ?

RandomNPC · 13/01/2015 23:32

He's a cunt, it's as simple as that. That was cruel and abusive.

Original poster
Imsogross · 13/01/2015 23:33

I don't know? Please go easy on me. I've just lost a family member and I don't want to tell my friends about dp.

I only have you lot to talk too.

OP posts:
hodgepodgepanda · 13/01/2015 23:34

Shock He sounds delightful !

9st is not over weight in the slightest .

If my Dp spoke to me that way and made me feel so horrid he would be straight out the bloody door .

You deserve better

Pensionerpeep · 13/01/2015 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chemistc · 13/01/2015 23:34

Leave him. This is just the start, he will continue to humiliate you and totally erode your confidence (if he hasn't already).

RandomNPC · 13/01/2015 23:35

Could I ask why you don't want to tell your friends about him?
I'm very sorry about your loss.

trackrBird · 13/01/2015 23:35

Your DP is the one who is disgusting.

WineWineWine · 13/01/2015 23:36

Why would anyone say such hurtful things to someone they loved?
It's not funny, it's abusive.
He's a shit and you deserve better.

Original poster
Imsogross · 13/01/2015 23:36

I don't want to tell my friends he doesn't have sexy with me and thinks I smell. It's embarrassing Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
Imsogross · 13/01/2015 23:36

*sex

OP posts:
Lovingfreedom · 13/01/2015 23:36

I agree with the others..it's him not you. Have you got a friend to talk to generally? You don't HAVE to mention your partner but would be good for you to get some support during your grief from someone empathetic. Consider counselling too it's very helpful. Good luck x

HelenaDove · 13/01/2015 23:36

He has lost interest in sex and hes blaming it on you because hes an emotionally abusive tosser.

Lweji · 13/01/2015 23:36

You should be disgusted by him.
It looks like he is putting you down to feel better about himself, which means that he is not a person you need in your life. On the contrary, you need to get rid of such people. They only take you down.

Pensionerpeep · 13/01/2015 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelenaDove · 13/01/2015 23:39

Hes a manipulative bastard as well Hes chucked the complete bollocks that you smell into the conversation so that you are too embarrassed to talk about it with someone else.
You get "shamed" into keeping quiet and he gets to carry on blaming you.

Win win for him!

HansieLove · 13/01/2015 23:39

Wow, he is awful. Nine stone? 126 pounds. How can that be fat?
You stank? I doubt that very much. He seems terribly inadequate and is trying to make you feel bad to big himself up. You don't need this, or him.

HootyMcTooty · 13/01/2015 23:40

Your husband disgusts me.

9st is not overweight. He is abusive. Please tell someone in real life so you can get support. The shame for abusive behaviour is all his, not yours.

Please leave, you don't have to tolerate this for a second longer.

chemistc · 13/01/2015 23:41

No, we mean why don't you tell them he calls you horrible names and makes fun of you!

Original poster
Imsogross · 13/01/2015 23:41

I don't want to day too much in case anyone recognises me.

We have been together for 16 years and have dc. He doesn't work, I do. He refuses to in fact.

He doesn't speak to me much unless he wants a drink or he wants me to walk to the shop.

I have had a thread on here before about him getting down on one knee and proposing to me only for me to open the ring box to find no ring. It was a joke. He'd organised it in the pub so everyone knew.

I have only myself to blame for my situation. I allowed him to do this to me. Sometimes I feel like I have no way out Sad

OP posts:
NiceCupOfTeaAndALittleSitDown · 13/01/2015 23:41

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost a close family member last week and am having to sort out all the arrangements. I am tired and ratty and my DH has been an absolute star. He certainly isn't giving me shitty comments. This is not right at any time, but at a time when you are vulnerable is fucking awful.

I think you have to look at the bigger picture here. He's not only not supporting you in a tough time he is kicking you when you are down. This is not acceptable behaviour.

Original poster
Imsogross · 13/01/2015 23:42

I don't tell my friends because I don't want to cause any trouble

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 13/01/2015 23:42

Hes an absolute Grade A bastard.

NiceCupOfTeaAndALittleSitDown · 13/01/2015 23:43

And I've x-posted with your update. He has humiliated you. He doesn't love or respect you.

You are not to blame for this situation. You have to take control back or he will only erode your self-esteem further.