I disgust my dp

[Imsogross]

I've name changed for this so I hope it works.

Dp doesn't really seem interested in sex or any form of intimacy with me. We had sex 5 times last year.

New Year's Eve he told me he was going to make the effort and we had sex. Because I'm so used to never doing it I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. So my confidence is very low.

Tonight dp thought it was funny to tell me that when we had sex I stank. I don't understand how I could have? I had just got out of the shower and I'm a very clean person.

I certainly wouldn't let him near me if I did smell. He laughed at me and watched as my face crumbled.

I feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself. I have put weight on and I'm now 9st which he hates. He likes to tell me I'm overweight too.

I'm so upset and humiliated

Good for you

well done!

Well done you!

I now have a new number too so he can't pester me. If he wants to see the children he can do so under supervision.

If he doesn't like it he can take me to court!

Jesus I'm frightened.

Go you!

Keep it up, and very soon it will feel completely normal and natural to stand your ground, rather than frightening.

And he can arrange the supervision (contact centre or someone else you trust).
Anyone but you, as he will probably just use it to get at you.

I've just read this entire thread and to you - you are amazing.

You were right telling him to sod off. Now keep all contact with him at arm's length - email only, preferably, that way if he gives you shit you can use it as evidence. And yes, supervised contact with the DCs only.

This is it, this is the start of your new life.

I want to say many things to him but I'm not going to give him the satisfaction.
I'm just going to draw a line under it. He is my past not my future

You can unload here whenever you want to.

Thanks Lweji

Been following this. Wanted to delurk to say well done, you are inspirational and a fantastic example to your children.

Stay strong x there is a lot of love for you on here x

Well done OP.
You are sounding so strong now.
Of course you are frightened.
It's the unknown.
But it's also exciting. You are in control now and in charge of your own destiny.
Keep going and keep strong.

You should be really really proud of yourself Strong. You have become your name. Being strong and determined is an acquired skill. Showing how strong and determined you are while utterly frightened, that's seriously black-belt amazing!!

... tut tut moi!

Just read your threads and want to join the chorus of Well Done. You are doing amazing, I don't imagine for one second it is easy but you are doing it!
Apologies if I have missed it but are you still at your mums? If you are home - have you remembered to change the locks and inform the HA /police he is no longer living there? Again, sorry if I missed it.

I'm still at my mums but I'll be going home when he leaves. He's going to his dad's

Fantastic. The further away from you the better!
Again, you are an inspirational woman with the strength of a (now unleashed) lion. You will bloom like a flower from here. Take care x

Also, a final thought. My mum escaped with me and only the clothes on our back.
I'm grateful to her every day and it made me know exactly what kind of relationship I did NOT want to be in. Your children will think like me too in a few years.

I'll be going home when he leaves. He's going to his dad's

Is the tenancy still in joint names?
Ideally you should change the locks when you return, but this may not be possible if he's named as a resident there.

Put a chain at the very least.
He will try to see you, especially when he knows exactly where to find you.

I think Goats has a point. Hopefully, he'll respect your decision. But it's better to be prepared. I second putting a chain or slide on your doors.

Someone mentioned on another thread about being able to keep a key in the inside lock to prevent someone on the outside from unlocking the door. You may want to get extra keys & leave them in the locks when you're home. You could always change the front lock and leave a key in the back lock so he 'technically' could get in except (oops) you forgot to take out the key from the back lock. That way he couldn't come in when you are gone.

I think locks there are different than here. Ours only have a keyslot on the outside with a button or knob inside. In most states a double lock deadbolt is illegal (considered a safety hazard)

Make sure he signs a document stating he is giving up on the tenancy.

I think it may help if you go to CAB and check what you need to do re your tenancy. I have heard of some HAs and LLs who will remove a name from the tenancy so that one half of the ex-couple stays with the children, and the other is simply gone.

Can you pay the rent etc on your own? Don't forget you will be entitled to child maintenance (such as it is) and there may be other benefits you can claim for the foreseeable.

If you're not going to return, make sure you get your name off the tenancy. The last thing you want is a black mark when he stops paying his rent.