OP your story has struck a cord with me, this could've been me writing this 6/7 years ago.
I spent 11 years with an areshole like this. I was 16 when I met him, in the care system (in and out of it since I was 10) and was vulnerable. I was incredibly slight as I was overcoming anorexia and had zero self esteem or confidence. Looking back I now see this animal preyed on me but, at the time, I couldn't see it. This 'man' was nearly 20 stone and used to say, several times a day, 'you used to be so sexy when I first met you, you're getting too fat'. My unhealthy relationship with food meant that, once the abuse had started, I went completely the opposite to previous years and started comfort eating. In 3 years I put on 5 stone but I was only 8st to begin with so I wasn't 'massive'. The other stuff started about 2 years into the relationship....I wasn't allowed to wear my hair down, wherever we went I had to apply a full face of make-up and wear 'sexy clothes' (whilst being made to feel so unsexy it wasn't true). It got to the point where it was easier for him to get my clothes out in the morning to avoid the 10 or so clothing changes because 'that top makes you look like a hobo' or 'those trousers make you look fat' or whatever.
I realise now that the man was a parasite. He was very clever in how he went about his abuse. He managed to convince a GP and Psychologist that I had a personality disorder. I ended up on anti-psychotic medication for the last 3 years of our relationship, was a zombie and only just about managed to get through life. I never went to an appointment alone, he did most of the talking or would brief me on what to say before we went in. I can't believe how nobody picked up on it, given how much training we are given at work on how to pick up subtle signs of DV, but it was a while ago now! He loved that diagnosis, he loved telling people that I was 'mental'.
Like you, I didn't want to bother the very few friends I had left. TBH, I didn't think they would believe me anyway, he acted like the perfect gentleman when around other people. They never caught 'the look' he used to give me if I was doing something he considered embarrassing, they didn't hear the snide comments whispered in my ear. And the slendertone he bought me for my birthday (which was very telling of who he was) was passed off as a joke (but was incredibly hurtful at the time because I knew why he had bought it)
I'm not ashamed to say that it took me becoming very good friends with, and having an EA with, another man (who is still the man I love beyond belief to this very day, intend to marry and have a 3 yo ds with). He made me realise that not all men were wankers and there are good ones out there.
The day I left my ex I stopped taking the medication and have never looked back. I found them at the back of a cupboard a couple of years ago when we moved, I remember thinking that I didn't want to throw them out at the time just incase I 'went mental' again. Of course that never happened, I have since been diagnosed with PTSD due to my traumatic childhood (I too was abused as a child).
I am everyday proof that you can survive DA and come out the other side much happier, much stronger, with some self respect and confidence (which you have to build up). Please leave, 16 years is too long to suffer.