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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I disgust my dp

299 replies

Imsogross · 13/01/2015 23:29

I've name changed for this so I hope it works.

Dp doesn't really seem interested in sex or any form of intimacy with me. We had sex 5 times last year.

New Year's Eve he told me he was going to make the effort and we had sex. Because I'm so used to never doing it I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. So my confidence is very low.

Tonight dp thought it was funny to tell me that when we had sex I stank. I don't understand how I could have? I had just got out of the shower and I'm a very clean person.

I certainly wouldn't let him near me if I did smell. He laughed at me and watched as my face crumbled.

I feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself. I have put weight on and I'm now 9st which he hates. He likes to tell me I'm overweight too.

I'm so upset and humiliated Sad

OP posts:
TwigletFiend · 18/01/2015 10:12

Well done you!

Sounds like your DD is glad of the changes too - when it gets hard, hold onto that thought. She's obviously happier now than she was with Twat in the picture.

I am so pleased for you - onwards and upwards!

FlipFlippingFlippers · 18/01/2015 10:42

What a brilliant example you are setting your dd. Well done on leaving. You are free to live the rest of your life however you want to!

Jux · 18/01/2015 11:14

It'll be a bit of a roller coaster at first, but hang on to those highlights. Your dd sounds like a clever girl! Just like her mum!

Glad you had a good evening, and sound so positive today Thanks

Imsostrong · 19/01/2015 14:27

He wants to come and talk to me. What do I do/say?

Lweji · 19/01/2015 14:29

Do you have anything you want to say to him?
Will what he says make any difference?
Or do you just want to sort out separation and eventually divorce?

Imsostrong · 19/01/2015 14:33

I don't want to crack. What if I do?

I wish he would piss off Angry

Lweji · 19/01/2015 14:36

You can say No.
It's a full sentence, according to MN. :)

Lweji · 19/01/2015 14:37

Why don't you tell him that he can put whatever he wants to say on an email and it better be divorce related?

HansieLove · 19/01/2015 14:38

He probably needs money. You are the only one who works? I cannot remember if he has access or even control of money.

Imsostrong · 19/01/2015 14:39

All money went into my account. That was the only thing I put my foot down about.

hellsbellsmelons · 19/01/2015 14:41

You tell him you don't want to talk to him.
Simple as that! Really it is.
Might not feel like it but you can just say no.

Don't cave now. Do NOT meet up with him, it could be a mistake.
Give yourself more time before meeting with him and make sure you have someone with you when you do. You need someone who knows everything with you to keep you strong.

GoatsDoRoam · 19/01/2015 14:42

He wants to come and talk to me. What do I do/say?

Do you want to talk to him?
If you don't, then you say "No."

GoatsDoRoam · 19/01/2015 14:48

I wish he would piss off

If that is how you feel, then say so.
"I wish you would piss off" is a fine message.

If you want to be more polite, there's also "I don't want to see you or talk to you", or "This relationship is over", or "I'm not interested", ...

You don't need any further justification.
You don't need to hear his pleas if you don't want to.
You don't need to convince him to agree to be dumped.

Lweji · 19/01/2015 15:05

"I wish you would piss off"
is a wish.
you should just tell him to piss off.

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 19/01/2015 15:18

Yes just tell him to piss off !

kittensinmydinner · 19/01/2015 15:46

Have just read your thread, PLEASE do not meet him . You have done so well. He is a nasty dangerous wanker.

Jux · 19/01/2015 16:25

Refuse him, as everyone says!

He will be trying to wheedle his way back, as without you he has no money, no nice comfy home, and no willing slave to ensure his continuing comfort and ease. He cannot feel like the Big Man when the Little Woman is no longer there for him to insult and belittle.

You have just shownhim that you are NOT the Little Woman, but he doesn't quite believe it and thinks he'll get you back in your little box if he can only see you face to face. That's all he wants, and he wants all that back very badly.

Don't give in to him.

Thanks
AcrossthePond55 · 19/01/2015 17:03

No, no, no. Please don't meet him. There's nothing he has to say that you need to hear. Really, there isn't. If he feels the need to communicate, as others have posted, he can do it via email.

Right now it's all about YOU and what you need. And you don't need him fucking with your head!

uglyswan · 19/01/2015 17:13

No, OP, you owe him exactly zilch in the way of contact (or anything else). Second the idea of telling him to communicate all practical stuff re separation via email (and all the rest to his diary or whatever). In fact, you might want to set up a separate email address just for him to use - that way, you can check your mails without being ambushed by any messages from him and you can read his mails when you're good and ready.

chimichanga1976 · 19/01/2015 17:23

I totally agree with not meeting him. Email is the way to go. The bonus is that if he threatens you in an email ( as he most surely would be threatening and abusive face to face ) you can save these as proof for the police.

And only respond to his messages if absolutely necessary i.e if it's to do with practical matters and kids etc. He will want to engage you into conversation and try to manipulate you and intimidate you through this medium if that's all that he's got.

By not meeting with him in person, you further diminish the power he held over you. He sounds like a hateful SOB and I wouldn't wanna go near him with a barge pole if it were me.

Best wishes x

newyear15 · 19/01/2015 18:18

I also agree - say no. There is nothing left to say is there.

AnyFucker · 19/01/2015 19:10

you would be a fool if you agree to meet him

it will take you right back to square one

for the gazillionth time

tipsytrifle · 19/01/2015 19:46

Exactly what AnyFucker said.

He may be wondering about his future status but he doesn't need to defile your space for it to be clarified that he is now an EX cock-lodging, violent, cruel abuser. He is free to go sign on/get a job/work more hrs. He can delete whatever isn't suitable for his nasty arse. You, as his erstwhile cushion waiting for the next squash, have quit.

Re-read your thread/s if you are in any doubt about what has happened and how you can be free now. At last.

PLEASE do not meet him. NO CONTACT seems good to me. You are not married. It is over. End of.

HootyMcTooty · 19/01/2015 21:23

Please please don't meet with him. He knows your position, so surely he just wants to change your mind. You've been doing so well, please don't put that at risk by giving him a way in.

Imsostrong · 19/01/2015 21:23

I told him to sod off.

I don't want to know him or have anything to do with him ever again.