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Original poster

AIBU to want my christmas tree back?

285 replies

AnotherRandom · 13/12/2014 19:49

I am shaking with rage at the moment. My husband has taken down the Christmas tree. There is a back story which I have to give.

I have always celebrated Christmas even though I'm not a Christian. I love this time of the year, it is my favourite. My family have always done the celebrations so to me it is normal and part of life.

He converted to Islam over a year ago and told me yesterday that either I take the tree down or he will. This is because he said it is a pagan tradition (I know it's origins) and idol worship to have it in the house and it is against his religion.

I explained to him, felt more like justify to him, my choice but he wouldn't agree.

I returned home to find it gone. It's nowhere to be found in the house. I've checked the garage, loft, shed and any place I could think of. I don't know what he's done with it. I am so upset :(

Aibu to want to have the tree up? I even tried to compromise and said I would only have it up for a week in December. He said no. My daughter was confused and asked where the tree has gone :( she helped me decorate it this year too and it's all gone. What a shit day.

OP posts:
adsy · 13/12/2014 19:50

What a twat.

HamPortCourt · 13/12/2014 19:52

YANBU

Is he a wanker in other ways?

LaChatte · 13/12/2014 19:53

I'd say the tree is the least of your problems.

bozo14 · 13/12/2014 19:53

Yanbu how rude of him

Apophenia · 13/12/2014 19:54

While he's sleeping, cover him in tinsel and baubles - maybe he'll disappear without a trace too.

LaurieFairyCake · 13/12/2014 19:55

Whatever your religion it is not reasonable to decide to do something to hurt the other

That is your problem, he overrode your wishes and prioritised his religiosity over his marriage

Will he talk about it with you ? His imam will not encourage this and will tell him to compromise with his wife

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 13/12/2014 19:56

I would question my relationship over this.

Christmas is important to you, I'm an atheist and I celebrate Christmas because I enjoy it. To me there is not religious element and it's about good food, wine, spending time with friends and family and exchanging gifts.

I would ask him how he would feel if you took down Mubarak eid decorations.

youlookbeautifultonight · 13/12/2014 19:56

Aphopenia I just chocked on my cereal with laughter reading thatGrin

wowfudge · 13/12/2014 19:56

Is this the only thing he has put his foot down about since converting? And I mean for you and your daughter to do, or does he impose his beliefs in other areas?

It does sound rather over the top if you are not a muslim. You might want to have this thread moved to relationships btw.

wanttosqueezeyou · 13/12/2014 19:57

YANBU.

He's a knob. Sounds like this could be the beginning of many problems (or maybe its not the beginning?)

I also disagree that its an idol. Its just a decoration.

Gawjushun · 13/12/2014 19:57

There's certainly more to this than the tree. I wouldn't be happy if DH suddenly decided to subscribe to a whole new set of beliefs and push them on the family.

I have a couple of Muslim friends and they have the tree, pressies etc. I suppose converts tend to be a bit more into their chosen religion though.

TheEnchantedForest · 13/12/2014 19:58

Yep-another one saying you have more troubles than the tree
YANBU

lemisscared · 13/12/2014 19:59
Confused
Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 13/12/2014 20:03

The missing tree is the least of your problems.

The missing respect that DH should have for you is a massive red flag.

He is a selfish, intolerant, arse man.
You need to seriously reevaluate your relationship.

LaurieFairyCake · 13/12/2014 20:03

Even if it's about the tree for him he has the wrong end of the stick (see what I did there) about Islam.

You make decisions about the home in Islam and he submits to them, public decisions outside the home are made by him. Islam is about equality (though not how I understand it)

So first of all a good Imam would tell him to go home and compromise with his wife and put his marriage first.

And a more Orthodox imam would tell him to piss off and it was her house and to do what he's told Grin

So if neither of the above applies he's just being a twat and not religious, and is instead using it as a control thing.

Original poster
AnotherRandom · 13/12/2014 20:06

Thanks for the replies.

Our relationship has had ups and downs. He can be great and I enjoy his company, but when he is not getting his way or something has annoyed him, life is hard. He is quite particular about certain things, likes to be in control. In fact he told me the other day that successful relationships have one person who is the 'boss'. I honestly couldn't believe the bullshit which followed.

He finds it tough with me because I have my own opinion which often doesn't match his own and this bothers him. He even told me once that if I were more meek then things would be easier Hmm I don't understand as he knew who I was when we married (5yrs ago) and we've been together for 10!

How would I get this moved to relationships?

OP posts:
LumpySpacedPrincess · 13/12/2014 20:10

What other compromises do you and your daughter have to make now and in the future for this man?

Complete deal breaker.

minibmw2010 · 13/12/2014 20:19

What was he like before converting? Is your DD his DD?

Original poster
AnotherRandom · 13/12/2014 20:24

It's our DD. He's her dad.

Thinking about it, he's always had this need to control even before converting. It's just now his religion supersedes everything else. I know for a fact his religion is more important than me, he told me being close to God is very important to him.

Laurie I wish his imam told him to talk with his wife!!! Who knows if he's even spoken to anyone.

OP posts:
AlpacaLypse · 13/12/2014 20:28

To get this moved to Relationships, use the Report button under your own original post and use the handy box in the screen that will come up next to explain what you want. HQ are normally 100% fine about it and expedite it as quickly as they can.

lunar1 · 13/12/2014 20:29

That would be moving the goalposts way too far for me to stay in a relationship.

Goingintohibernation · 13/12/2014 20:31

How old is your DD? Does he not think cancelling Christmas is somewhat unfair on her as well as you, or do her feelings not matter either?

EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh · 13/12/2014 20:34

Surely your relationship is over now? You can't continue with someone who has such different views to you and who is so inflexible and entitled about trampling all over your feelings and wishes? And your daughter's?

Fabulous46 · 13/12/2014 20:39

I wouldn't tolerate this behaviour. A marriage to me is both parties have equal opinions. You have offered a compromise by only having the tree up for a week any he obviously doesn't like that. He also said if you were "meek things would be easier." I'd be walking away after that comment I'm afraid. I'm happy for my DH to be a different religion to me BUT I would never allow it to impact on my life or my children's lives. Likewise, I wouldn't expect my religion to impact on DH's life or that of my children.

MrsCurrent · 13/12/2014 20:41

The religion isn't really the issue, it's the fact that he's a controlling twat. My Muslim colleague is awesome at putting up our Christmas tree and enjoying Christmas with us. My son's JW good friend doesn't remove all the Christmas decs at school. We're Catholic but wouldn't dream of messing with anyone elses's beliefs/traditions/whatever the heck made everyone smile. Sorry but if my DH removed anything that meant so much to me and our kids I would go screaming banshee on him. If he wants a religion free house then perhaps he should take his beliefs elsewhere too.