AIBU to want my christmas tree back?

[AnotherRandom]

I am shaking with rage at the moment. My husband has taken down the Christmas tree. There is a back story which I have to give.

I have always celebrated Christmas even though I'm not a Christian. I love this time of the year, it is my favourite. My family have always done the celebrations so to me it is normal and part of life.

He converted to Islam over a year ago and told me yesterday that either I take the tree down or he will. This is because he said it is a pagan tradition (I know it's origins) and idol worship to have it in the house and it is against his religion.

I explained to him, felt more like justify to him, my choice but he wouldn't agree.

I returned home to find it gone. It's nowhere to be found in the house. I've checked the garage, loft, shed and any place I could think of. I don't know what he's done with it. I am so upset :(

Aibu to want to have the tree up? I even tried to compromise and said I would only have it up for a week in December. He said no. My daughter was confused and asked where the tree has gone :( she helped me decorate it this year too and it's all gone. What a shit day.

Chuck all his shit out of the house, put up a tree, change the locks and tell him to fuck off forever.

He is using his religion as an excuse and a reason to justify his behaviour.

By your own admission he is a controlling man, he's just upping the anti.

I very much doubt that he will see the light and become less controlling so you need to think how best to move forward.

I was going to put the tree back up but he has hidden it, or binned it, who the hell knows.

He has kindly allowed me to keep tinsel might make a 7ft tinsel tree. My tree was only 4ft FFS.

I don't know what to do at this point. I have calmed down now but I'm just deeply upset. Our daughter is nearly 3.

How exactly did he go about converting to Islam? Does he actually go to a mosque and speak to an Imam on a regular basis, or is this some half-assed conversion because he read the Wikipedia page on Islam?

I suspect that he might not have even read the Koran, and is going on some shitty stereotype that Muslim guys have absolute control over their families. If he's already controlling, then perhaps converting to the religion seemed appealing to him because you'd then HAVE to obey him. I would bet that he doesn't give a shit about the spiritual side of the religion.

He converted properly at the mosque. He goes to the mosque nearly every morning for the first prayer. He prays five times a day. At the weekend he will try and go to the mosque more for prayer time.

He has the Quran and has read it all, he watches many videos and tv programmes about things to do with Islam.

I have no idea if he speaks to an imam? But this isn't some half hearted thing he's doing. He has happily thrown himself into the religion and he feels it's the best decision he's made.

Are you happy to be in a relationship like this? Do you think this is the bet environment for your daughter?

Evening folks.
We're going to be moving this thread to Relationships in a moment at the OP's request.

OP why d I'd he convert?

And what do you think? How do you see your future being married to a fundamentalist autocrat who thinks he has the right to control you and your daughter?

did I meant.

How convenient that a controlling bully has converted to a religion which he believes he can interpret to mean that he is your master. The fact that he has zero respect for you is something there is no way back from.

What would happen if he came home to find you'd removed his copy of the Quran ?

He was originally a Christian. After not following his faith for a while he wanted to be closer to god. He decided to start practising the religion and after reading the bible again and again, he found there to be a lot of things which didn't add up.

On this journey he decided that the sabbath was Saturday, not Sunday, and he stopped me from going out of the house from Friday sunset till Saturday sunset. I wasn't even allowed to cook or warm our daughter's milk for her cereal. I eventually got so pissed off I told him I'm not a Christian and therefore sabbath doesn't apply to me and started to go out on a Saturday.

Eventually he realised Christianity was not for him (having been a Christian since birth) and then read into Islam. Having read the Quran he realised that was right for him and converted.

If I moved his Quran he would be extremely angry as he would know I haven't moved it to read it.

Thing is, I wouldn't dream of moving it to cause him any grief. I'm not like him.

So what are you going to do?
Is this your life now?

Well he has a right to religious freedom, but so do you (or in your case a right to no religion). He's controlling and using his religion as a tool to control you. I agree it's no surprise that a controlling man has converted to a religion that can be interpreted to allow him to control you further.

By the way, I know plenty of Muslims who do the non-religious aspects of Christmas. I also know plenty of Muslims who don't control their wives. The religion is a red herring, he's just using it as an excuse.

The Christmas tree isn't your problem, you're being expected to subscribe to his interpretation of a religion that you don't even follow.

So - he's converted but you have to conform?

I don't know what to do tbh. So much shit has happened that I don't know why I keep tolerating it.

He used to be physically aggressive towards me, he would restrain me from leaving the room during an argument. He twice gripped me around the throat (a few years back now). He would grab my wrists and twist me up. However he hasn't done this in a while but when we argue, you can see him really having to control his temper and it's plain to see that he wants to stop me from leaving the room but he takes a step back after getting too close.

Of course it's my fault for not talking with respect, or not listening to what he says, or for walking away, or for pushing his buttons.

I don't know what to think anymore. Well I do but it's scary to think of options. I just keep trying to plod along hoping things will improve.

No no no. Holding you by the throat is a massive red flag. People don't do that to people they love. He's got anger issues, one day he won't be able to control it, that's the nature of abuse.

Sorry you're going through this, but you know you deserve better don't you?

So he is violently abusive too.

It isn't going to improve. It could easily get worse.

Another you have a right to an opinion, even one he doesn't agree with. If he can't see that, then you have a problem. DH and I argue, but if he thinks I'm going to become subservient, he has another think coming. In the past I have told him that if he wanted a girl like that he should have found a good, obedient Spanish girl, but apparently there are none of them left!

I don't know very much about Islam, but I understoid it is a religion of peace. Perhaps your DOZ missed that bit?

Good luck.

I know it was wrong, he has tried to change and he hasn't been physical in a while now. I also know that I don't deserve being treated that way. It's not right and you don't do that to someone you care about. I know this :(

You sound worn down. If he doesn't want to do Christmas could you go with DD to your family for Christmas and experience what life is like without him for a week or two?

Do you have friends or family nearby that you could go to if you needed to?

I've decided to sleep in the spare room as I'm so angry with him about the tree.

He came in (having been out for the past 3 hours) and asked why I'm in here and not our bed.

I told him he knows why. He replied 'is it just because of the Christmas tree? Should I have slept in the spare room because you put the tree up in the first place?'

He walked out saying I can come back if I want to (to our bed).

Oh god he's just horrible

Do you have rl family/friends who celebrate Christmas ? if you do then go to them with your Dd and let him stew in his own juice...then start to make plans to leave in ny x