DH and I have been TTC a fair while, and got a sticky one at the end of August. We had been open to friends who asked if we were wanting a sibling for dc1, so people knew we were trying.
I preferred to keep our news to ourselves until the anomaly scan at 20 weeks, telling people only if things were good then. I'm not showing under winter clothes so no one had guessed.
My 'friend' lives in another country, so I don't actually see her in person, but we email a lot, Skype, have loads in common. She considers me her best (pretty much only) friend. Her initial reaction when I told her was as one would hope : congratulations, wow, really happy for you etc.
I'm now reeling from the email she sent me two days after we told her.
"If it were me, and I got pregnant after trying for so long, I would have told you the day I learned I was expecting. I can't imagine keeping such momentous news from you. What would possess me to withhold it from you, I can't imagine. For 4 months to boot. Me thinking, shame they haven't gotten pregnant yet, and for 4 months or so, you've been pregnant all along! Now I've had some time for it to settle in, I think our "friendship" is bullshit. Makes me wonder what other major life events or things you are withholding from me. If you can keep this from me, imagine what else you can withhold from me! So you might have had a miscarriage and not even told me? You might have had to decide to terminate your pregnancy and not shared that with me? Wooooowwwwwww"
I replied briefly saying I'm sorry she felt like that, but that I had wanted to have our privacy for a while, and wait for the anomaly scan, as is quite normal, I hope she understood and could just be happy for me.
She replied:
"No. I don't understand at all. Glad you are happy."
This was yesterday, and I haven't replied.
Should I just ignore til she talks some sense into herself and apologises, or what? I'm really annoyed she has pissed on my parade. This is such a happy time for DH and me (and dc1), and she's gone and reacted like this. She has three children, no conception issues, so it's nothing to do with anything like that. She's just hacked off I didn't tell her straight away. She is being unreasonable, right?
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Relationships
Shocked by 'friend's reaction to my happy news. How to respond. If at all!
UptownFunk · 11/12/2014 20:13
Congratulations op 
Tbh I think I would have been hurt too.
It's a massive part of your life you kept secret for 4 months - despite talking regularly. Esspecially if your were being open about ttc/she was supporting you struggling.
I don't get the secrecy around pregnancy with close friends family - if something had gone wrong would you not have wanted her support if she is your closest friend besides your dh.
I have missed some posts but from what I've read I can sort of see how she feels. My best friend from college & I were ttc at the same time & talked about it a lot. She suddenly went a bit silent on me & evasive & I guessed something may have happened but she didn't tell me until 12 weeks.
I was a bit 
to be honest - although I said all the right things, but I would have told her has it been the other way round & it did make me think we weren't as close as I thought we were - or at least she wasn't as close to me as I thought she was. We had been talking about ttc constantly though.
I think she's bonkers to have sent her email but I think she's sent it because she's feeling that she doesn't mean as much to you as she thought. You may see the whole sharing news thing differently. I would let it blow over - it's not worth losing a friend over.,
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Those who are saying she's mental, making it all about her, OTT, needy etc are expecting her to be British.
We have strict social rules here... But EVERY country has strict social rules. You've broken hers and she's broken yours.
That's aside from personal 'rules' regardless of culture. I wouldn't be offended that she was upset but I WOULD be offended that she
was attacking. But that's because I am British and we view anyone who does that as unhinged.
Ime (lots of close exposure to many different cultures) these things are hard to recover from, there is hurt and offense on both sides.
Add to the mix that she had a disordered childhood - the effects of that are universal - and she probably finds it hard to trust. Maybe she's told you every single thing about her life, an open book (boundary confusion, par for the course for people with disordered childhoods) and she is horrified you didn't in turn share something so central. For months and months.
I'm not siding with her. I don't know if your friendship will recover though. Which is sad. The likelihood of something going wrong with all those variables was high. As she has previously experienced...
If you want to have a stab at retrieving your friendship you could channel her and shoot from the hip back. I don't see you have anything to lose tbh.
Congratulations btw 
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