Shaking - help me, shall I go to confront DH

[Yikesivedoneitagain]

I am shaking please could I have a bit of advice?

DH has had full rash over his body and also a chest infection so didn't go in to work today. I'm off on maternity leave.

He went to dr on weekend but lost his prescription so went to get another one also to see GP as OOH GP wasn't sure about rash.

He told me GP wants blood tests. I saw in his cupboard a blood test form saying 'STD check ' and convinced myself it was a 'standard check'...

He has just gone to his friends to get his lost prescription, as GP refused to give another.

I looked back in cupboard and I have found a leaflet from sexual health clinic saying to come back at 1 pm

Please help - shall I go to the clinic (about 10 min walk) and ask him wtf he is doing there?

He wa out till 5 am on Saturday

Has he fucked someone else?

[NameChange30]

From what I've read it sounds like you'll be much happier without him. Do get a full STI test and a divorce!

I guess you could try asking him directly: "have you had sex with other women?" but it sounds like he wouldn't give you a straight answer. And if you're unhappy in the relationship anyway I think you should leave him whether he's cheated or not.

Good luck, and hugs!

[Yikesivedoneitagain]

Right I'm not opening his messages until tomorrow morning.

[GarlicNovember]

GOOD! Have a nice, cheery Saturday night with people who actually care about you

[NameChange30]

PS Posted that without reading through the whole thread.. What a bastard. I really don't see why you and your kids should have to move out when he's the one at fault here and it's YOUR mum's house! If you can stand it I would stand your ground and insist that he leaves. You absolutely need to get legal advice about the divorce ASAP. 30mins free with a solicitor. Maybe CAB could advise you about benefits as well. I'm sure once the divorce is under way it will be much simpler to evict him.

[Only1scoop]

Oh Yikes....the twunt didn't go then....get your mum to instruct to serve his eviction notice Monday morning....

Good luck with gum apt I know it's vile but essential....

Please please do not engage with him he is not worth your breath....

Massage ....how disrespectful

Vile

[WhereTheWildlingsAre]

Just read it all. What a knob. NC except about the kids is best, well done for not reading the replies. He sounds deluded.

[Yikesivedoneitagain]

I have just spent £22 on a box of chocolates for myself and am eating them in bed such a cliche.

Husband has had my boy all day, and is threatening to go for full residence.... He can't actually look after himself so that's a bit of a joke. I am trying so hard to be professional - all I want to do is scream at him 'this is all your fucking fault - I fucking hate your guts. If we didn't have children together I would never set eyes on you again!' That felt good.

He is sending 15-20 texts at a time every few hours. Just telling me what he's watching on TV, who he has seen out and about? Like I am temporarily gone.

Thanks so much for all the lovely MN help last week. I knew all along I had to leave him. I needed something concrete to make the decision. I feel low, and shitty, and disappointed, but I do feel like I've done the right thing, so thanks for helping.

[Only1scoop]

Yikes....

Ignore ignore ignore

Any texts etc unless directly regarding dc....

Good luck tmrw and remember if he had told the truth you wouldn't be at that clinic....

Enjoy your Chocs....you bloody deserve em

[Yikesivedoneitagain]

Yes, legs akimbo, think of England. Curse my ex. Thanks Scoop

[Vivacia]

You're doing so well OP.

[demoska1]

Sorry to hear about your current situation...it does get better with time and you will look back and feel proud of yourself. Please keep a copy of all the messages he sends and a diary of his verbal comments/actions/contacts with DC/comments made to the DC and their reactions after contact (do they eat/sleep well, their behaviour, do they play etc) as this builds a good picture for the police or courts if it came to it.
Funnily enough I was organising my loft with my DP of 7 yrs and found all my diarys which I'd kept and used to build a case against my exH 10years ago. I read a few bagels, had a cry but then felt liberated that my children have grown up to be lovely grounded young adults and I'm a strong woman. Good luck.

[Yikesivedoneitagain]

Thanks so much for your lovely messages again. I burst into tears in front of my mum who said 'why are you letting him get to you?' I snapped at her that I'm really sad about losing my marriage, and can't help that I'm sad I will have to share care of my sons with a horrible man for the rest of their childhood.

Just got back from the clinic and get results in a fortnight. While in the area I went to say hello to my son and collect some more belongings as he has ds until tomorrow. Ex said to me 'why are you speaking to me so abruptly?!', as though I should be pally with him! He has sent a message asking me to apologise! He wants to meet for lunch - oh gosh I am so angry.

[Fontella]

How old is this bloke OP?

Reading your posts - he's coming across like an an immature prat.

The grinning and laughing at your concerns and seemingly treating the whole thing as a bit of a joke, the constant texting of trivia, the not getting why you are so angry and pissed off at him and 'expecting an apology' for your abrupt manner etc - it's the sort of behaviour I'd expect of an adolescent.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Just ignore his requests.
Apologise for what exactly?
Has he apologies for being a cheating, lying, scumbag yet?
Probably not?
Has he even told the truth yet?
Please don't engage.
Give your phone to your mum and tell her to only advise you of texts regarding the kids and access.
This must be so horrible for you.
You're doing great though. Cry as much as you like, it's a great release valve!

[FelicityGubbins]

Tell him you are sorry, and offer him that massage he wanted in return for leaving the house, then liberally apply deep heat/chilli oil to the fucker....

[SirRaymondClench]

He sounds like he isn't taking you seriously OP.
Once you've got your DS and his belongings can you get someone else to do the handovers from now on?
Do not reply to this twats' messages unless it is to arrange contact with DC.
Do not invest in this relationship any more.
Channel icy cold indifference in your dealings with him.
He put your sexual health at risk.
You had to have an STI test because of him.
He is scum.
He is putting you and your DC through upheaval and turmoil.
He won't get residency of your DC btw.
Detach from him.

[GarlicNovember]

Good grief, what a nutter! I really understand how it's a shock to realise this man you've been with for so long turned out to be some sort of self-obsessed, game-playing weirdo. I'm very glad you're with good people to keep you anchored.

I loved demoska's post. That'll be you before long, Yikes :)

[WhereTheWildlingsAre]

wow! he really doesn't see that he has done anything wrong? Why would you be apologising? Why isn't he begging your forgiveness??

[demoska1]

Today you may feel sad, tomorrow may be anger or grief. Every hour/day you will experience a whole host of emotions.
Try and stay grounded and be kind to yourself. It helped me to keep focused by making "to do" lists of important things I needed to do, other stuff can wait till later. Your health is important at this time as you need to continue to get through this difficult period and continue to be a fab mum to your children.
Avoid confrontation if possible as this is one way he will attempt to "hook" you into communicating with him.
Believe me...I could write a book about this!
Look after yourself.

[ravenmum]

"Why are you speaking to me so abruptly?" and asking you to apologise ... When my husband was having his affair, taking this woman on holidays and to hotels, all the time he kept bringing up things I had supposedly done wrong. For example, not letting him in my bed after he started treating me like shit: that was really nasty of me! Or my suggesting that he might be depressed: clearly I wasn't taking his problems seriously (?!). He got completely holier-than-thou, with phrases like "What kind of a wife does this?", "I would never do a thing like that", "I would never say that". I guess that he had to focus on the "bad" things I was doing to make himself feel better about his own behaviour, as well as to draw the focus away from what he was doing, confusing me about what the real issue was. It's the desperate behaviour of someone who has no actual excuse.