Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Shaking - help me, shall I go to confront DH

220 replies

Yikesivedoneitagain · 10/11/2014 13:06

I am shaking please could I have a bit of advice?

DH has had full rash over his body and also a chest infection so didn't go in to work today. I'm off on maternity leave.

He went to dr on weekend but lost his prescription so went to get another one also to see GP as OOH GP wasn't sure about rash.

He told me GP wants blood tests. I saw in his cupboard a blood test form saying 'STD check ' and convinced myself it was a 'standard check'...

He has just gone to his friends to get his lost prescription, as GP refused to give another.

I looked back in cupboard and I have found a leaflet from sexual health clinic saying to come back at 1 pm Sad

Please help - shall I go to the clinic (about 10 min walk) and ask him wtf he is doing there?

He wa out till 5 am on Saturday Sad

Has he fucked someone else?

OP posts:
Pacificrum · 10/11/2014 20:00

the woman is telling the story about herself

^this

Let's not get ahead of ourselves in what I'm saying. Rashes mean nothing unless in context!

Lacoba66 · 10/11/2014 20:14

Easy way to clear up the "I went to the GUM clinic for an allergy test" is ring them tomorrow and ask if this is a service that they do. As for the regular screening of HIV. It is offered to you & if you want it, then blood is taken.

Original poster
Yikesivedoneitagain · 11/11/2014 10:48

Thanks ever so much for all the advice. I've come to stay at my sisters with the children to think it all through. He reacted in a shitty way, I have every right to know everything about his sexual health, and don't deserve to be laughed at.

He admitted he did go for a sexual health blood test, but didn't mention it as he didn't want to look suspicious. He apparently laughed as he was nervous...

I don't really believe him, and I feel really hurt by his reaction. I think the relationship is over, and will be thinking about it lots over the next few days. I wish I knew for certain if he had sex with someone else, it would make this decision easier. I didn't want to split up with him, but if he's been mucking around I will in a heartbeat.

I am pleased I didn't see him at the clinic, he must have been in with dr/nurse when I arrived. He told me in the end that that was where he had gone, so I didn't have to have a showdown there to find out. I like to think I would have been calm, but it would have been pretty embarrassing.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 11/11/2014 11:05

So what's his rash? and what was he tested for and why?

Only1scoop · 11/11/2014 11:06

Glad to hear you are away from him.

Stupidhead · 11/11/2014 11:15

Hope you're ok Shock

Only1scoop · 11/11/2014 11:19

Please also get checked out he's being evasive as to reason he was there....lying in the process.

Get your own answers ....get checked out its your health.

hellsbellsmelons · 11/11/2014 11:23

A bit of space will help you sort your thoughts out.
Get all the love and support you can for now from family and friends.
Good luck, what ever happens next.
Thanks for you.

ravenmum · 11/11/2014 11:33

As others have said, there could still be a good explanation, but if so, he's handled this very poorly. And if you've got reasons to doubt him anyway, this will of course make you think the worst. If I was in that situation and innocent I'd be frantically trying to prove it - taking you to the doctor to show why I was sent for the test etc. Give him a chance to do that, won't you?

Antibiotics do frequently cause a rash. It's not necessarily an allergy - my daughter had this: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amoxicillin#Nonallergic_amoxicillin_rash

HIV might not show up in your blood straight away, so you can get tested immediately after unprotected sex, but they will tell you to come back and test again in 3 months' time.

Saltedcaramel2014 · 11/11/2014 11:47

You're doing the right thing giving yourself space to think. If he is innocent he'll understand your (very reasonable) interpretation and reaction and will do everything it takes to show you it's a misunderstanding. If he doesn't, you have your answer. Wishing you strength in dealing with this. You will be OK.

GarlicNovember · 11/11/2014 11:51

It's good to hear you're able to spend some time in a different environment - away from H - to start processing your thoughts & feelings. This has been a totally crap incident, with H showing a worrying attitude towards you & your relationship. I feel for you.

Stupidhead · 11/11/2014 11:52

What kind of rash was it?

ChippingInAutumnLover · 11/11/2014 11:56

I am incredibly confused, but to me, the bottom line is that he's not taking your concerns seriously and is laughing at you about something really serious. He's acting like a nasty bastard, not a decent husband & father. That's a deal breaker for me whether he's fucked anyone else or not. It's surely more important how he treats you than where he's put his penis? Iyswim?

Original poster
Yikesivedoneitagain · 11/11/2014 14:10

I agree Chopping, it suits him for me to be confused. Then I just play 'silly little woman', and get back in my box. I am increasingly unhappy in this relationship, and need to think a bit more about how it has got like this, and why I have chosen to be with someone who is emotionally inept, never mind dishonest and unkind. I am just so sad, and tired.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yikesivedoneitagain · 11/11/2014 14:11

Sorry, chipping!

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 11/11/2014 15:27

Oh bless you, you sound worn down.
Take your time making any decisions.
Really think things through (no doubt you are anyway)
If you are increasingly unhappy in the relationship their could be good reasons for that.

middlethird · 11/11/2014 17:02

but why lie?? Why = hiding something, FACT.

What an ARSE.

AnyFucker · 11/11/2014 17:04

It sounds to me like this relationship has run it's course despite the latest shenanigans. When something that is meant to be a "partnership" leaves you confused, exhausted, insecure and unhappy it's time to put yourself out of the misery.

Original poster
Yikesivedoneitagain · 13/11/2014 11:12

Argh, I'm going to move out. I feel pretty relieved. It has been a long road to get here. I can't live with someone so emotionally disconnected. I feel completely dismissed by him. I feel pleased I gave it my best shot. I could have left 6 months ago, but tried again. This STI incident is the icing on the cake, as it always is on threads like these. He's already talking about residence for children so don't think he's even that surprised!

OP posts:
Fontella · 13/11/2014 11:26

Sounds like you're well rid Yikes.

Good luck!

x

Only1scoop · 13/11/2014 11:40

He's an immature pathetic 'man'....

He couldn't even factually reassure you....

Get yourself tested and get out.

TheHermitCrab · 13/11/2014 11:48

Good luck Yikes,

It's clear you've made the right decision xxxx

GarlicNovember · 13/11/2014 11:52

It's good you feel relieved, Yikes. Sounds like it's been six months of quiet desperation - and, for what it's worth, he does sound like a ridiculous numpty. It's all forwards from here! How are you fixed for real-life support?

AnyFucker · 13/11/2014 11:55

That sounds very sensible, op

ravenmum · 13/11/2014 13:41

Well done for making a difficult choice.