This is all so sad to read :(
I married my selfish arse. It was as you describe, I'd stay up all night listening to his problems and get the complete cold shoulder when I was upset.
As time went by his lack of care became active abuse.
I remember one conversation towards the end when I finally said, "all you want is the good times! You don't want a partner at all." He grinned and agreed :( that was who I was supposed to be. Someone to give, not someone with my own needs, wants, wishes and desires.
He didn't actually ever see me as an equal. I was just a thing to service him however he needed me.
And I'd have said "but things are great when we're all happy". But that's not a relationship. we were only happy if I asked for nothing.
It nearly finished me off. I gave him everything I was. It would never be enough.
Luckily (with MN's help) I left.
And you know what? I have a new dh :) it was the most amazing feeling in the world when he wanted to hear my problems. He encouraged me to talk and share, and for every bit of support I gave him, he gave it all back.
What you have is not normal. It's not how a relationship should be. You should be in the honeymoon period. It only gets harder from here on in.
Tell him that you have had enough of being supportive and getting nothing back and that you don't want to see him ever again. He will show you how loving and supportive he is capable of being. But you know what? All that tells you is he could have been doing it all along, he chose not to. Words mean nothing. Actions are everything. He will spend a short time being who you want him to be to reel you back in. You know who he really is. Don't fall for more lies!
There are lovely men out there. Don't waste your time on a horrible one. Being alone is better than being actively hurt and ignored.