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oogling young girls

804 replies

typingtoofast · 25/10/2014 22:08

Myself and my partner have decided to give it another try. He is convinced im the woman for him and has apologised for his regular selfish episodes where I have to explain to him that his behaviour is not condusive to a healthy relationship. Ultimately he's selfish. But he has improved and I have seen a loving, attentive and kind man. I was beginning to think that this was a great new start for our relationship and was glad to give it another shot as had missed him when I decided to end it. The break gave me and him perspective and what was important to us both. All that aside.
We were out today in town and a group of young girls (16yr olds I'd say)were obviously heading off on a halloween party night. I had mentioned how inappropriate I thought the outfits were as they were extreamely revealing. You get the picture. In my mind I'm also thinking how they will catch their death of cold!
He views the girls and says they're out for a good night and laughs. He almost snapped his neck gawping. Now nobody could help it as the outfits as i said were ott. But then he replies they'll be teasing the boys later in the nightclub. I reply yes and that's just wrong.
I have in hay days worn revealing outfits and I replied that I wasn't necessarily looking for sex I was I suppose just rebelling and trying to be adult like.
He replied but kids these days are having sex younger, just look at them,look at the one in the tiny outfit. She'll be having sex tonight with the way she's carrying on.
I told him that's enough, that he looked like a sleezy man oogling.
He replied oh to be back that age again. I'd love to meet her out. Imagine the fun.
I was appalled by two things. One him visioning and two saying it in front of me.
Is this normal? I was disgusted and chose to say nothing for the rest of the evening. But then I think what if middle aged men say these things in their head. He's stupid/honest enough to say it out to me.
Now I'm thinking I am with a sleezy middle aged man and worries me that he would think like that.

OP posts:
garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 10:42

'Teasing the boys' as in flirting with them-which I'm pretty damned certain all heterosexual young women like to do.

Which has got eff all to do with rape Hmm

And as I have said time and time again here; what a woman wears, says and does HAS nothing to do with whether or not she gets raped.

FolkGirl · 28/10/2014 10:47

I think most of us are agreed that what a woman wears has no bearing on whether she is raped or not, but 'teasing' is not really the same as 'flirting'.

'Teasing' someone in a sexual manner is specifically designed to turn them on and can be part of a sexual interplay between people when, either both people know what is going on, or one person is attempting to manipulate the other.

'Flirting' can be sexual, but it can just as easily be the 'social dance' between two people who find each other attractive.

We don't know how the OP's husband meant it. But given the context of his other comments, I doubt he was thinking about a little bit of hair twiddling and coy smiling.

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 10:50

Yes but so what if he did mean that they were teasing as opposed to your definition of flirting?

He is simply acknowledging that these girls would be teasing the boys. This is a key word as it implies equality of status, can't you see that?

So if a girl wants to tease a boy there's nothing really wrong with that, is there?

FolkGirl · 28/10/2014 10:55

Yes, I can see that. I still don't think middle aged men should be sexualising girls of that age in that way, though.

I'm not really concerned with what interactions the girls had with other boys they might have interacted with during that evening. Anything we could say on that would be speculation and conjecture.

But the OP's husband shouldn't have been talking about the girls in that way anyway. I can't imagine any of the men I know talking about young girls of that age in that way. In fact, in conversations we have all had in the pub, their views are more in line with mine.

Why would a middle aged man be imagining the effect a 16 year olds clothing might or might not have on another 16 year old's sexual desire for them anyway?

The very fact the whole exchange took place is a bit grim.

And whatever these hypothetical 'boys' might or might not have thought, the OP's husband told her he'd like to fuck one of them.

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 10:58

Actually the 'teasing the boys' phrase is key here as he is clearly acknowledging that it is not middle-aged men like him they are interested in. If he said, 'they'll be out for ALL men' it would be a different story, of course.

But I don't see anything wrong with acknowledging that a group of equal status i.e. young men and young women will be trying to cop off with one another as particularly outrageous at all.

Vivacia · 28/10/2014 10:58

God Garban you really had to bait your hook to get a bite this morning.

at a base level, he may want to have sex with them, does it matter if he does want to?

Yes, it matters when an adult wants to have sex with someone likely to be a child.

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 11:00

Where does it say that he wants to fuck them? I just get the impression that he is a middle-aged man reminiscing about his youth.

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 11:01

I'm sorry but it says in the opening post that they were young women. I can only go on that.

Vivacia · 28/10/2014 11:03

Reminiscing about your youth involves thinking about how few clothes you wore yet didn't feel the cold, how little you would drink and still get drunk and snogging someone.

It doesn't involve perving over someone else. And then telling your wife about it.

Vivacia · 28/10/2014 11:04

I'm sorry but it says in the opening post that they were young women. I can only go on that.

From the OP, We were out today in town and a group of young girls (16yr olds I'd say

Girls? 16 years? I agree with the poster who said that could mean anything between 12 and 18.

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 11:05

Well reminiscing about his youth for this guy could be about how he used to look at young girls when HE was the same age as them, so what?

This thread is bonkers, really, the thought police have really done one on this guy.

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 11:07

Alternatively, of course, they could be 25. The opening poster said they are 16 so that is what I am going by. If they were 10, I'd be advising her to get out now.

Vivacia · 28/10/2014 11:11

Well reminiscing about his youth for this guy could be about how he used to look at young girls when HE was the same age as them, so what? This thread is bonkers, really, the thought police have really done one on this guy.

Fair enough. What's your advice to the OP then?

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 28/10/2014 11:19

Garb, you are being disingenuous now.

It can't have failed to escape your notice that young girls are maturing much much earlier these day.

"They could just as well have been 25"

weak, very weak

I would say it was far more likely they were 14-16yo (tops)

JohnFarleysRuskin · 28/10/2014 11:21

'She'll be having sex tonight the way she's carrying on" Urgh.
If this is how the Middle Aged men you know speak about teens then I feel sorry for you.

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 11:22

This is ridiculous. In this situation-as in all posts- we can only go on what the opening poster says: in this case, she says they are 16-that's all the information we have.

I don't have any advice for the OP; other than to say that from what she has posted here, it may very well be a middle-aged guy remembering his past fun life with girls of his age who has no intention of acting on it. It's not even clear if he does actually find them attractive as an adult man.

Be on amber alert, perhaps? As there is not enough information.

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 11:23

'She'll be having sex tonight the way she's carrying on'. Mere observation not a declaration of intent.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 28/10/2014 11:25

Observation of what?

cloggal · 28/10/2014 11:33

Urgh. Observation of the girl's 'provocative' behaviour, which therefore ='wanting sex'. boak.

So do you think the OP should just laugh this off; be concerned about her partner's lack of respect for her; or worry about his views of women and girls more widely? Genuinely. Not a trick question.

I don't think we should police thoughts. I think we should and can understand why this behaviour from men is not acceptable. It really isn't.

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 11:35

An observation of that girls dressed the way they did, were willing to be flirtatious with him when he was young. Not exactly controversial for him to say that, is it?

This does not mean that he wants to have sex with the girls he saw NOW as a grown man.

it's no different to me saying that an 18-year-old boy who spends loads of time in teh bathroom doing his hair is probably after female attention.

Vivacia · 28/10/2014 11:36

I don't have any advice for the OP; other than...

...it may well be he's just remembering when his life was fun. It may well be he doesn't even have any intention of cheating on you. Just stay on amber alert.

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 11:37

No I don't think teh op should laugh this it off, she should be on amber alert.

What behaviour from men, exactly, because as I have explained, it could be a man reminiscing about his youthful exploits with girls.

Vivacia · 28/10/2014 11:37

An observation of that girls dressed the way they did, were willing to be flirtatious with him when he was young. Not exactly controversial for him to say that, is it?

Yes it is fucking controversial! The way we dress is not a signal of our intentions or wishes!

cloggal · 28/10/2014 11:45

As you've 'explained' it 'could be' nostalgia.

He was speaking about a living breathing young girl/woman Garb. Not a figment of his imagination. His right to a walk down memory lane clearly trumps hers to wear what she likes without being letched over.

I've no idea what 'Amber Alert' means, sorry. She should be watching out, presumably, but for what - more signs that he is a bad partner? More signs that he is a misogynist? More signs that he indulges in nostalgia?

Can't take this seriously any more, sorry. This thread has been allowed to stand for the purpose of education and 'debate' but I feel pretty dismayed that the same old crap keeps getting recycled.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 28/10/2014 11:47

What?

God, I hope you don't have teenage girls. I'd hate for their friends to get ready at your house- "nice top girls- oy, yoy, wear that and you'll be having sex tonight!!"