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oogling young girls

3 replies

typingtoofast · 25/10/2014 22:08

Myself and my partner have decided to give it another try. He is convinced im the woman for him and has apologised for his regular selfish episodes where I have to explain to him that his behaviour is not condusive to a healthy relationship. Ultimately he's selfish. But he has improved and I have seen a loving, attentive and kind man. I was beginning to think that this was a great new start for our relationship and was glad to give it another shot as had missed him when I decided to end it. The break gave me and him perspective and what was important to us both. All that aside.
We were out today in town and a group of young girls (16yr olds I'd say)were obviously heading off on a halloween party night. I had mentioned how inappropriate I thought the outfits were as they were extreamely revealing. You get the picture. In my mind I'm also thinking how they will catch their death of cold!
He views the girls and says they're out for a good night and laughs. He almost snapped his neck gawping. Now nobody could help it as the outfits as i said were ott. But then he replies they'll be teasing the boys later in the nightclub. I reply yes and that's just wrong.
I have in hay days worn revealing outfits and I replied that I wasn't necessarily looking for sex I was I suppose just rebelling and trying to be adult like.
He replied but kids these days are having sex younger, just look at them,look at the one in the tiny outfit. She'll be having sex tonight with the way she's carrying on.
I told him that's enough, that he looked like a sleezy man oogling.
He replied oh to be back that age again. I'd love to meet her out. Imagine the fun.
I was appalled by two things. One him visioning and two saying it in front of me.
Is this normal? I was disgusted and chose to say nothing for the rest of the evening. But then I think what if middle aged men say these things in their head. He's stupid/honest enough to say it out to me.
Now I'm thinking I am with a sleezy middle aged man and worries me that he would think like that.

EllenMumsnet · 26/10/2014 10:12

Morning all. Given the content upthread, thought it apt to post a link to our campaign - which aims to show that there is no 'typical' rape survivor, and reassure those who have experienced rape that it's never their fault.

EllenMumsnet · 26/10/2014 15:45

@YesIDidMeanToBeSoWoooooooode

I still can't believe people are STILL coming out with this shit, telling women what to wear so as to avoid sexual assaults etc.

I really think there's room for a campaign where survivors/victims say what they were wearing at the time they were assaulted/raped/abused/groped/verbally abused.

it's FUCK ALL to do with what they are wearing.

I'll start. I was raped and I was wearing a red skirt and white jumper. But no bra. Oh dear. My bad!

I'll make sure I cover up in future.

Thanks YesIDidMeanToBeSoWoooooooode for sharing.

Just wanted to post a link to our Rape Myths page.

If one person reads this thread and/or that page, and realises they weren't to blame for being raped or assaulted, then no one posting here has wasted their time.
Thanks

RowanMumsnet · 30/10/2014 09:57

Morning all

We've had an awful lot of reports about posts on this thread and we've banned two users off the back of the reports.

Threads that turn into discussions about rape and assault (whether physical or verbal) can be extremely emotionally distressing for people who have experienced those things, and we'd be really grateful if all posters could remember that and try to pitch their comments appropriately.

While individual posters may think that assault is analagous to burglary or other crimes of property, it would be really helpful if they could bear in mind that when they post in this way they may - without meaning to - be giving the impression to assault survivors that there was something the survivor could or should have done to prevent her assault in the first place. We hope you'll all understand why assault survivors would find that insulting and upsetting.

Please find the time to have a look at our We Believe You page on rape myths, especially Myth 2:

MYTH: Women provoke rape by their appearance or their behaviour

REALITY: Dressing attractively, or flirting, is never an invitation to rape. Rape is not a 'crime of passion' - it is an expression of power and control.
No woman 'asks to be raped' or 'deserves what she gets' - only the rapist is responsible for the rape. Rape happens to all types of women, from the very young to the very old - physical appearance is irrelevant.

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