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Relationships

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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

oogling young girls

804 replies

typingtoofast · 25/10/2014 22:08

Myself and my partner have decided to give it another try. He is convinced im the woman for him and has apologised for his regular selfish episodes where I have to explain to him that his behaviour is not condusive to a healthy relationship. Ultimately he's selfish. But he has improved and I have seen a loving, attentive and kind man. I was beginning to think that this was a great new start for our relationship and was glad to give it another shot as had missed him when I decided to end it. The break gave me and him perspective and what was important to us both. All that aside.
We were out today in town and a group of young girls (16yr olds I'd say)were obviously heading off on a halloween party night. I had mentioned how inappropriate I thought the outfits were as they were extreamely revealing. You get the picture. In my mind I'm also thinking how they will catch their death of cold!
He views the girls and says they're out for a good night and laughs. He almost snapped his neck gawping. Now nobody could help it as the outfits as i said were ott. But then he replies they'll be teasing the boys later in the nightclub. I reply yes and that's just wrong.
I have in hay days worn revealing outfits and I replied that I wasn't necessarily looking for sex I was I suppose just rebelling and trying to be adult like.
He replied but kids these days are having sex younger, just look at them,look at the one in the tiny outfit. She'll be having sex tonight with the way she's carrying on.
I told him that's enough, that he looked like a sleezy man oogling.
He replied oh to be back that age again. I'd love to meet her out. Imagine the fun.
I was appalled by two things. One him visioning and two saying it in front of me.
Is this normal? I was disgusted and chose to say nothing for the rest of the evening. But then I think what if middle aged men say these things in their head. He's stupid/honest enough to say it out to me.
Now I'm thinking I am with a sleezy middle aged man and worries me that he would think like that.

OP posts:
garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 12:12

No it's not controversial at all; in his experience girls who went out barely dressed were flirtatious with him, so what? In MY experience, boys who doused themselves in aftershave and spent loads of time in the bathroom were trying to impress girls. The boys of today who suddenly take care in their appearance probably still are; but I am not 15 anymore and have no sexual interest in teenaged boys. Could be just the same for him.

As long as he didn't FORCE them to be flirtatious or have sex with him; there's no issue. In fact, this whole thread has been an exercise in misplaced phoney outrage over nothing.

mumwithanipad · 28/10/2014 12:13

When I was 16 I was once walking along a busy town centre street with my friends, I'd just started college and we were chatting about our various classes and stuff, I saw a group of men walking towards us and as we went to pass them one of them grabbed me, pulled me to him and squeezed my breast before walking off with his mates laughing. It hurt and I felt humiliated. I was upset and reported it to college who did nothing and said it would have been a lads pranks type thing. I shut up as I thought that's what I was supposed to do, but that "lads prank" ruined the rest of my two years at college as I was terrified of bumping into him/them again. I was wearing jeans, baggy jumpy and was far from pretty btw. Not that it matters but some people on here seem to be hell bent on saying otherwise.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoWoooooooode · 28/10/2014 12:15

You're either being deliberately goady, garbanzobean, or as thick as fuck.

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 12:21

This reply has been deleted

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cloggal · 28/10/2014 12:23

Why are you so keen to make this about nostalgia Garb?

He made comments about a young woman, said he'd 'love to meet her out, imagine the fun'. Not 'when I was younger I would have loved to have met someone like her out'.

cloggal · 28/10/2014 12:25

Ach actually x post, never mind - don't bother answering that.

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 12:27

As I have said numerous times here, words are NOT the same as action.
And in any case, if he met her out -my guess is that he would be terrified and not do anything but that is my view -and she was over 16 who consented to sex with him, it would make him a creepy old man NOT a rapist.

Whoever mentioned rape here presented the thread with a massive red herring. Hmm

Twinklestein · 28/10/2014 12:28

Looking and commenting as the husband did is not ok in my book, but some people have very low expectations of men...

Twisting the comments into some retrospective yearning is bizarre frankly as they were very clearly focused on the here and now.

Twinklestein · 28/10/2014 12:32

Who has said words and action are the same? Sleazy comments aren't good. You may be ok with it Garbanzo but that doesn't mean that other women would put up with it.

I'm not sure why you've invented an imaginary narrative wherein the husband would be 'terrified' of the 16 year old... other than to excuse the OP's him, it's wild speculation...

Twinklestein · 28/10/2014 12:33

husband not him ^^

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 12:33

You must be continually disappointed then, Twinklestein because finding young women attractive is a perfectly natural thing for a man to do. Of course, to comment upon it is off.

But men are not animals and they can find a young woman attractive without ever acting upon it as they are complex people not manginas who pretend not to notice young women who are capable of brushing such thoughts aside and letting their higher functions take over from the reptilian ones.

cloggal · 28/10/2014 12:34

Well I hope Garb that both your guess that he'd be 'terrified and not do anything' Hmm and the OP's guess that they were bang on the age of consent (how fortunate) are both correct.

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 12:34

It's not a narrative by the way, most men would run a mile.

patronisingbitchinthewardrobe · 28/10/2014 12:35

But men are not animals
incorrect. both men and women are animals. understanding this is important to understanding what is going on in the world.

cloggal · 28/10/2014 12:38

'Manginas'? If that means what I think it means, this really isn't appropriate. If it doesn't I apologise.

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 12:39

OK so they are animals, then, but animals who can control their actions.

This thread is annoying because on one hand some emphatically deny men find young women sexually attractive-which is delusional while others seem to say that they are out of control who rape if they see a skirt.

Why not just be realistic and say that most look but don't touch?

Vivacia · 28/10/2014 12:40

Are you suggesting that men who don't behave like this are somehow emasculated? That Real Men think like perves??

cloggal · 28/10/2014 12:43

My thought is that garb was suggesting exactly that Vivacia and not only that, but using the female anatomy as a derogatory term on a thread where people have shared experiences of assault and rape.

But I wouldn't want this thread to be 'annoying'. I don't know the term Garb so if it means something else as I said, I apologise.

Twinklestein · 28/10/2014 12:44

Why would I be disappointed? All the men I know are lovely, intelligent, respectful...

It's rather disingenuous to say finding a woman attractive is natural - no-one has disputed that. The issue is sleazy comments about a teenage girl. This husband didn't brush the thoughts aside, he voiced them rather repellently...

Thanks for letting us know that men are 'not animals' and are 'complex', that's instructive...

Twinklestein · 28/10/2014 12:47

Who has denied men find young women attractive? Who has said men rape if they see a skirt? Have you read the thread at all Garbanzo or are you just making it up as you go along...?

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 12:47

I would be more mistrustful of a man who claimed to NEVER find a young woman attractive than one who said/thought , 'I do find young women attractive but I'm old enough to know better and realise that their welfare comes before the fact that I find them attractive'.

merlincat · 28/10/2014 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cloggal · 28/10/2014 12:49

Who has denied men find young women attractive? Who has said men rape if they see a skirt? Have you read the thread at all Garbanzo or are you just making it up as you go along...?

This.

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 12:51

Rue the day, just for LOOKING at your daughter, merlincat, that's just ridiculous. Yeah 'rue the day' if he actually physically touched her, fair enough.

garbanzobean · 28/10/2014 12:52

Well that's my last post on this topic:

but, consider this, words are not same as actions.

Good day.

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