So my DP hit me tonight ...

[coolbeans]

... And ain't that a kick in the head. Or the hip, which is where he punched me.

Sorry; gallows humour.

I do not even know why I am posting. It is the shock I think.

Our youngest was having a toddler meltdown and DP was busy complaining about how I was handling it. In a temper, I said: "You know so much, you should take him!", and thrust said child at him. He didn't catch him and ds fell. My partner punched me. Really hard. And then snarled at me that I should stay away or it would get worse.

we have been together 15 yrs.

I had an horrible childhood. It was all gymkhanas and public school on the outside and beatings and abuse behind closed doors. I had years of counselling and my therapist said one of my problems was that my thresholds were too high.

But being hit. that is one of my lines. I had years of it. I am not going there again. I have worked in DV. I know the script. If I don't walk away now, the likelihood is that it will happen again.

He hurt me. It fucking hurts. I don't understand how ths is my life. He is acting as though it is all of my own doing. Not a word of apology. The fucker.

Sorry for typos and incoherence - too much wine has been drunk to numb how unutterably awful this is,

Really sorry to hear that. Totally inexcusable.

I'm sorry you have been hurt. Please call the police and start making arrangements to end this relationship. Your children deserve better and so do you.

Is this in keeping with his other behaviour? How have the 15 years been?

How is your DS? Did he fall far?
Is your "D"P there?
Have you got somewhere safe you can go to?
Utterly shit

Are you safe now?

Where is he?

Has he calmed down now?
Have you called someone you know?

How is your son?

When did this happen?

Please make sure you are safe.

I don't know what to say to this. I am sorry this has happened but don't really know what to say as I know the one time where I know I wouldn't be trusted not to hurt my partner, is if he caused my child to be hurt, which is what you did. It wouldn't be right, but I know I wouldn't be able to stop myself. Thrusting a child at him and allowing him to fall was violent in itself, you shouldn't have put him somewhere safe and walked away.
Obviously that doesn't excuse anything or make anything more justified, he still hit you.

I hope that you are safe now.

Call the police.

Now

Ah, the little one is fine, didn't fall as such - thank you :) Fast asleep now.

I am really struggling. I keep thinking that I know this is inexcusable. But maybe it is a one off. And I know that is how it starts. I cannot believe he hit me.

After all our time together and our lives and our children - how could he?

Should*

I'm all for gallows humour but all that stands out from this post is that a child hit the floor, a woman has been hit by a man who is probably still in the house (?) and there's alcohol involved.

It's very worrying. Can you get the DC out and stay with a friend?

After all our time together and our lives and our children - how could he?

How did he interpret the incident with your son?

He was wrong but so were you, you thrust your child at him
In a temper and caused your ds to be hurt. I would say this was dv if nothing else has ever happened.

Wouldn't

Even if he was now weeping at your feet and apologising profusely, this would be very worrying. The fact that he is unapologetic and blaming you speaks volumes.

Please, please let's not start trying to 'understand' why this man punched the OP. It's inexcusable, as others have said. Whatever went before it, it is utterly wrong.

Coolbeans - where is he now? You are right, you can't accept this. Your relationship is over. But you need to focus on tonight and making sure everybody is safe. Where is your partner now?

Ok, you have a lot of insight into why this is a bad situation, you know the script and have the clarity to act now before he does it again and possibly to your child.

Can you go anywhere tonight, or can anyone come and back you up in asking him to leave?

Where is he now?

I do not need to leave immediately. There is no follow up danger. He is on the computer and I am on my iPad.

I do not know his take on it. We are not speaking to each other at the moment.

Just to be clear, I had some wine once I put the children to bed.

I am shocked. But calm.

This is assault. Call 101 and report it. As you say, anything less and he will know that you will accept it. You can't just accept this. You know that x

I think we need to back off with the 'relationship is over' stuff.

The OP has been with this man for 15 years and he hurt her tonight for the first time. It's extremely worrying that he is expressing absolutely no remorse for this but she is likely to want to explore what's happened here before/if she calls time on the whole thing. A black and white absolutist approach to this helps nobody.

I would be very tempted to get my child and go to a family member or a friend. Can you do that? You need to act now or else come the morning he will be all are you still moaning about that? or other minimising crap.

Just get the hell out. You have had enough shit in your life. You don't need more and neither does your child. Did he see daddy hit mummy? And hear him threaten you?

Please report OP. It sounds callous but if it comes to rehousing you etc you will need some sort of hard evidence to help prioritise you. Just saying it happened will not be enough. So sorry this has happened to you.

Er, he PUNCHED OP, not shoved, not pulled, not put a hand up as a division, PUNCHED.