So my DP hit me tonight ...

[coolbeans]

... And ain't that a kick in the head. Or the hip, which is where he punched me.

Sorry; gallows humour.

I do not even know why I am posting. It is the shock I think.

Our youngest was having a toddler meltdown and DP was busy complaining about how I was handling it. In a temper, I said: "You know so much, you should take him!", and thrust said child at him. He didn't catch him and ds fell. My partner punched me. Really hard. And then snarled at me that I should stay away or it would get worse.

we have been together 15 yrs.

I had an horrible childhood. It was all gymkhanas and public school on the outside and beatings and abuse behind closed doors. I had years of counselling and my therapist said one of my problems was that my thresholds were too high.

But being hit. that is one of my lines. I had years of it. I am not going there again. I have worked in DV. I know the script. If I don't walk away now, the likelihood is that it will happen again.

He hurt me. It fucking hurts. I don't understand how ths is my life. He is acting as though it is all of my own doing. Not a word of apology. The fucker.

Sorry for typos and incoherence - too much wine has been drunk to numb how unutterably awful this is,

I have been thinking about you today, Cool and hope that you are okay. I know you aren't but I hope you aren't in fear of your husband hurting you again and that you are successful in your spider defences.

Whatever you decide to do you don't' have to answer to anyone but yourself.

This thread is horrible. Op, I hope you are ok.
A similar thing happened to me, partner of several years lashed out and hurt me, and said something similarly threatening. He never did it again, and it took me 2 years to realise he didn't have to. Crossing that line changes everything, and I realised I would never come back from it (and he continued to be abusive in more subtle ways) It took until I left for me to realise how somewhere inside I had been scared of him every day since he hit me.
I know how hard it is, your world has shifted so quickly it feels like you can't think or speak or breathe, let alone act to change things. My one piece of advice- tell someone in real life, someone you trust, even just call samaritans. Saying it out loud to a real person, talking it through, can clarify things in a way words on a screen can't. And it may make it easier if you do need to tell people in the future.

I am sure coolbeans is/wasreading and monitoring the situation and would act if she thought children were at any risk. Whoever said upthread that this is a process, not an event is absolutely right and it can take a long time for things to seem clear cut. In the meantime maybe finding one trusted RL friend to confide in might help. Someone who knows you and can just listen until you feel more sure of what path to take. Hope things pick up, that you hang on to the supportive bits of this thread and ignore the others. Xx

To everyone else, stop it. This has turned into one of those threads where a poster is pounced on because she does not leave immediately at the first sniff of dv. But crappy as it is, women don't. Not because they are stupid, or neglectful, or different to you, just because the whole thing is a headfuck. Statistics say it again and again- women do not leave after the first violent incident.
Violence does not occur in a vacuum, it is part of a pattern of abuse and criticism that teaches a woman that she is a bad mother, she couldn't cope alone, her children will be taken from her. That she simply won't survive alone. Do you think women remain in violent situations because they don't care?
I have no idea if any of this applies to the op, but it is true for a lot of women It was mumsnet that made me get out of my own situation, and thankfully not threads like this one. If my own threads had gone this way I may still have been with my husband, feeling like an awful mother and utterly unable to act. Victims of domestic violence need acceptance, encouragement, and most of all the ability to trust their own judgement after having their opinions silenced by violence. Berating them for not protecting their children does none of those things.

Sorry this has happened to you op (the incident and the response to this thread!).

What do you want to happen next?
Have you spkoen to anyone in RL?
Has your dc mentioned anything?

BTW apparently conkers really do work!

Big un mn hugs to you because I'm quite sure that you need them.

I am very sorry this has happened op and I hope you have taken some of the excellent advice and support on this thread, and ignored the frankly bizarre comments from others. I hope tonight is ok and Monday morning brings fresh resolution and strength.

Hi OP, I'm really glad you came back and i hope you can now find some support and comfort here. hopefully you have had a bit of space with your youngest this afternoon and has a chance to gather your thoughts a bit. i have been thinking of you.

Also in my limited experience conkers don't work :(

How are things today OP? Are you talking? Did he apologise or is he trying to justify his behaviour?

I am a little worried that you are frightened of rocking the boat and will just let this incident pass. If you do that, you will make yourself even more vulnerable because he will see that you will accept a certain level of physical violence.

You don't have to do anything in particular right now but please don't let this go. Come back here to talk about it if it helps, or start a new thread x

Sorry but those of you saying 'it's a first time' or 'you've both done something wrong' are actually being extremely dangerous. Please don't post if you're not familiar with DV issues because it's that type of

OP you need leave now while you have the impetus. It is important for all of you including DP & DC that this is not brushed under the carpet. It is breaking the law.

I have done this when DP shoved me, and later reconciled but ONLY because DP was absolutely clear that I would never, ever tolerate being physically manhandled. I needed to leave to show him how absolutely serious it was.

No. People often do not leave after the first incident. How well aware of that I am, having lived through it. I recommended the OP report it to police, as an information report if nothing else, simply to protect herself. This is for two reasons - if something else happens, it is not going to be dismissed as a "one off" as there is already documentation of something else. If, god forbid, something dreadful happens, again - documentation on file. And if, down the road, she decides to leave him, she will have that documentation on file to assist her in getting legal aid for solicitor fees and such. I didn't report it when it happened, and I bitterly regret it. So I simply feel that these things should be pointed out to the OP. Reporting it as info does not mean she has to LTB now. It means that it can help in future if she decides to do so.

Hi coolbeans how are you today?

I have no experience of domestic violence so cannot advise at all but those who are saying to photograph the bruise and report the incident etc seem to be speaking a lot of sense. I really hope also that you have been able to talk to someone in real life.

Not sure if you are still reading after some negative comments but i hope you are as clearly some people on the thread have experienced similar and are able to offer good advice born of their experiences and I think those are the voices speaking the most reason.

Thinking of you.

Yy to a report to 101 or a visit to the gp.
You really may need it later.