Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

So my DP hit me tonight ...

312 replies

coolbeans · 18/10/2014 20:54

... And ain't that a kick in the head. Or the hip, which is where he punched me.

Sorry; gallows humour.

I do not even know why I am posting. It is the shock I think.

Our youngest was having a toddler meltdown and DP was busy complaining about how I was handling it. In a temper, I said: "You know so much, you should take him!", and thrust said child at him. He didn't catch him and ds fell. My partner punched me. Really hard. And then snarled at me that I should stay away or it would get worse.

we have been together 15 yrs.

I had an horrible childhood. It was all gymkhanas and public school on the outside and beatings and abuse behind closed doors. I had years of counselling and my therapist said one of my problems was that my thresholds were too high.

But being hit. that is one of my lines. I had years of it. I am not going there again. I have worked in DV. I know the script. If I don't walk away now, the likelihood is that it will happen again.

He hurt me. It fucking hurts. I don't understand how ths is my life. He is acting as though it is all of my own doing. Not a word of apology. The fucker.

Sorry for typos and incoherence - too much wine has been drunk to numb how unutterably awful this is,

OP posts:
PrettyPictures92 · 18/10/2014 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lougle · 18/10/2014 22:26

"I read the OP and my opinion still stands!!! You do not use your child as a control in anything!!!"

It's not using a child as a control. It's recognising when you're at your limit and walking away. Perhaps if the OP's DH had done the same this thread wouldn't exist?

lornemalvo · 18/10/2014 22:28

It sounds like you threw your son at your husband who failed to catch him and you are now minimizing this by changing the story. I hope I am wrong as that seems very violent.

MajesticWhine · 18/10/2014 22:28

Could people stop arguing? There is a woman here who need some support in a crisis.

soph123kay · 18/10/2014 22:30

Altinkum it sound like ur sayin she deserved she deserved to be hit because of what she did. im sure a perfect mother who has never done anything wrong!!

Your a adult, you threw your ds and he fell... As a woman/and even my husband, would be furious at this and strong words would be hurled at each other, your a adult, your threw your son at you dh and he fell, I be furious also.

Tbf I d believe I'd become violent if someone deliberately put my child at harm and subsequently harmed them.... Just to prove a point and I'd be really thinking hard of my actions as a parent

to me you sound very contradictory saying you do not condone violence but say that you believe you get violent in same situation!!

what if she accidentally knocked her child over we have all done it when there right behind you and you turn round and knock them over would she deserved to be punched then?
what if she accidentally let tea burn would she deserve it then?

she wasn't being violent in anyway just frustrated and we have all been there obviously not your cause your mary poppings!!

hope your ok op he should have never had hit you! xx

DrankSangriaInThePark · 18/10/2014 22:30

Could someone take the exclamation mark button away from Altinkum.

lornemalvo, where on earth do you get that idea from? It sounded to me, even before the OP clarified what happened, that she held the child out to her husband and said "you take him then" and as she let go of the child, her husband didn't take hold of him.

Trick0rTreatSmellMyFeet · 18/10/2014 22:34

By tomorrow u will feel it is too dramatic to dredge up yesterday's business. I hppe u leave a man that hit u. Dont tolerate it. U know that crosses a line.

CatKisser · 18/10/2014 22:35

OP your intelligence is apparent from your posts. But despite your knowledge of the DV script, you omehow don't think it applies to you.

You're normalising this. Like his violence is different to that of the women you worked with. Why SHOULDN'T you phone the police, whether it's a one off or not? Why SHOULD woman beaters not face the law?

You need to do something, not sit there rationalising it in your head.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 18/10/2014 22:39

I will say this... the longer you wait to report it, the less likely you will report it... been there, done that. Slowly your boundaries will shift, you'll minimise it or rationalise it... until next time.. and it starts all over again...

Fairenuff · 18/10/2014 22:40

In a temper, I said: "You know so much, you should take him!", and thrust said child at him. He didn't catch him and ds fell.

This does not sound as if you put the child on the sofa next to him OP.

This sounds like a situation out of control and a child got hurt.

northernlurker · 18/10/2014 22:40

Catkisser - the OP has said she knows the script. I don't think she is rationalising what's happened tonight at all. But neither does she need to be hectored 'to do something'. Can we please lay off her - in every sense, including those more interested in analysing what she did or not do with the toddler.

Lweji · 18/10/2014 22:41

You do need to part ways.
You're putting your child in the middle and he's punching you.

Sort it out asap for the sake of your children.

Glittermud · 18/10/2014 22:42

By not acting immediately the OP isn't necessarily minimising what has happened tonight. A certain amount of processing needs to happen if no immediate threat is there. I completely understand that.

MexicanSpringtime · 18/10/2014 22:42

Oh OP. I am sorry about your situation and the holier-than-thous who are posting here, on top of that.

I don't know if you should leave him or not, except that I suppose I think you should. DV generally has that effect, like a lightning bolt out of the blue or a sudden death, everything is changed overnight whether you like it or not.

baskingseals · 18/10/2014 22:43

Coolbeans I am really sorry this has happened. You are still you. Take your time now, don't let it all rush in and crash around you, take your time, there is life after this.
Take care of yourself. Flowers

temporaryusername · 18/10/2014 22:43

I misunderstood Soontobesix. I hope you are ok OP Flowers.

Fixerupperz · 18/10/2014 22:43

My advice is talk to your DP see his thoughts on all of this.
Has he ever shown any abusive traits in the past?

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 18/10/2014 22:43

And while you're all arguing, someone in pain and shock who could do with some friendly voices and support may not return to the thread because of what it's beoming.

MrsEames · 18/10/2014 22:44

He should not have hit you.

You should not have pushed your son at him in a temper.

You sound as bad as each other.

Only person I feel sorry for here is your son.

MNHQ
TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet · 18/10/2014 22:45

Evening all
Just a reminder that MN is here for support.
Thanks

Lweji · 18/10/2014 22:47

I just hope someone is supporting the child.

temporaryusername · 18/10/2014 22:50

OP, I agree with those saying that delaying doing something makes it less likely you'll manage to here. Just for now, you don't need to think of it being a choice between divorce and going on as normal. You can present it as this meaning you will need time apart, or some other change in arrangements, to work out what is going on and both get some relief from the current tension. That is a first step that doesn't minimise, but might feel more possible.

FlossyMoo · 18/10/2014 22:50

Taken from the womens aid web site.

Talk to her about all of these things and try not to be judgemental if she isn’t ready to do anything yet. One of the best things that you can do is point her in the direction of some help. Of course it’s fantastic if you can be there to support her but it will also help both her and you if she contacts an organisation for practical and emotional support.

northernlurker · 18/10/2014 22:50

The child's mother is supporting the child. The child is fine.

If any of you are at a loose end this evening try looking up empathy in a dictionary instead of posting here.

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2014 22:51

I don't know what to make of this thread really.

I've written and deleted my thoughts about 3 times because it sounded as though I was saying, your DP punching you in the hip was 'understandable and therefore fine' in some way.

Just so you know that is not what I'm saying at all, so I'll try again.

You were both obviously really wound up and stressed. You said you 'thrust the child at him, he didn't catch him and the child fell'.

Now you seem to be back tracking a bit on that and minimising.

If I were wound up, my DH was wound up and he ended up doing that to our child, I might possibly react in a way that is totally unlike me...ie, I might be angry enough to lash out, in the heat of the moment, at anyone who thrust my upset child like that and made him fall over.

It wouldn't make it right of course, but trying to minimise the reason why he lashed out is not right either.

I hope you can both talk this out tomorrow and decide what you're all going to do.