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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

So my DP hit me tonight ...

312 replies

coolbeans · 18/10/2014 20:54

... And ain't that a kick in the head. Or the hip, which is where he punched me.

Sorry; gallows humour.

I do not even know why I am posting. It is the shock I think.

Our youngest was having a toddler meltdown and DP was busy complaining about how I was handling it. In a temper, I said: "You know so much, you should take him!", and thrust said child at him. He didn't catch him and ds fell. My partner punched me. Really hard. And then snarled at me that I should stay away or it would get worse.

we have been together 15 yrs.

I had an horrible childhood. It was all gymkhanas and public school on the outside and beatings and abuse behind closed doors. I had years of counselling and my therapist said one of my problems was that my thresholds were too high.

But being hit. that is one of my lines. I had years of it. I am not going there again. I have worked in DV. I know the script. If I don't walk away now, the likelihood is that it will happen again.

He hurt me. It fucking hurts. I don't understand how ths is my life. He is acting as though it is all of my own doing. Not a word of apology. The fucker.

Sorry for typos and incoherence - too much wine has been drunk to numb how unutterably awful this is,

OP posts:
baskingseals · 18/10/2014 22:54

For the love of God, she is in SHOCK.
Back off her or stay off the thread, you are really really NOT helping.

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2014 22:57

I'm not sure who that was aimed at baskingseals but you don't get to tell anyone where to post, or decide that their comments are unhelpful to the OP.

bunchoffives · 18/10/2014 22:58

Mn at its worst. Disgusting.

Fixerupperz · 18/10/2014 22:59

I will out and out say that if my child was thrown at me i would probably punch the thrower.... but that isnt what happened. The OP put the child on the cushion and then he proceeded to punch her.
I think hes out of line, tensions were running high though and if this is so out of character surely its not as simple as pacl a bag and ltb!
Im sure once youve slept you will be able to make some decisions.

Mintyy · 18/10/2014 23:00

I'm sorry this has happened op. I hope your child is ok.

ClashCityRocker · 18/10/2014 23:01

I'm shocked and a little disappointed in some of the attitudes here.

I don't think ops the first parent in the world who has thrust her tantrumming infant to a know-it-all and said 'here, you deal with him'....

And certainly in no way that justifies, or even mitigates, her DP punching her.

I thought those sorts of attitudes went out twenty years ago.

OP, your head must be all over the place, take time to think and take stock of what's happened. I'm sorry this has happened to you, but it is not your fault.

Altinkum · 18/10/2014 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mintyy · 18/10/2014 23:02

"The OP put the child on the cushion and then he proceeded to punch her."

How does that tally with "thrust said child at him" from the op?

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2014 23:02

Then I'm confused because putting a child on a cushion and thrusting him at someone who didn't catch him, causing him to fall are two completely different things?!

Anyway OP I'm leaving this thread because it seems anyone who points that out is getting a hard time.

Hope you can both sort it out tomorrow Thanks

ClashCityRocker · 18/10/2014 23:04

Altinkum, were you there? Where did OP say she threw her child at her DH?

TheBogQueen · 18/10/2014 23:04

Mumsnet at it's best.

Op you should phone police. Think about your kid.

theonlygothinthevillage · 18/10/2014 23:04

FWIW I think it unlikely that, if the child had had a serious fall, OP would have mentioned it so casually.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 18/10/2014 23:06

I've put DD down in her cot a little roughly before - in a haze of guilt and shock I'd have described that as 'dropping her', but in reality it's totally different. I'd imagine, from the update the OP gave where she explained 'thrusting' her son at her DP, that it's something similar here.

An important thing to point out - just because some of you have said you'd punch someone if they thrust your child at you, doesn't make it the right thing to do.

ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb · 18/10/2014 23:06

Op I hope you are ok and managing to find some words of comfort and support from some of the people here. My advice fwiw is to contact women's aid as soon as you can to get some support and advice from them. Violence like this is never ok and what preceded it did not justify what your H did, it must be such a shock to you if this is out of character for him.

I have been in the situation where I have been so cross and exasperated with my DS that I have pretty much shoved him a DH, my DH comforted my DS and then later when things had calmed down we had a bloody good talk about what happened and the changes I needed to make. He didn't punch me because that would just be incredibly wrong and he is a gentle man.

Fixerupperz · 18/10/2014 23:07

Mintty the OP came back and said that is what happened.

Altinkum · 18/10/2014 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArgyMargy · 18/10/2014 23:09

Had he been drinking Coolbeans or was this a sober punch? If so I would be totally shocked like you, esp after 15 years together. Has something been brewing?

Mintyy · 18/10/2014 23:09

Well, it's all just speculation isn't it? None of us were there and op hasn't been consistent with what she has said.

If my partner hurt my child I would possibly lash out. I would certainly be incandescent with rage.

It sounds a very sorry situation.

I hope your child is safe and sound and that you will between you do the best you can for him.

CadmiumRed · 18/10/2014 23:10

Coolbeans, so sorry.

How is your older child?

What d you most feel like doing about it, right now?

Can you do the clichéd thing and go to your mums for a few days/ tomorrow? Give yourself some headspace and perspective, and also give your h a strong signal that things are not A-OK and picking up and carrying on as normal.

Does he often criticise your parenting, and in front of the child?

Altinkum · 18/10/2014 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClashCityRocker · 18/10/2014 23:11

Besides, isn't it a moot point? She was obviously at the end of her tether, her partner was critiquing her way of dealing with it. I'm quite sure she didn't throw her small child across the room though.

At what point does punching a stressed out mum become justifiable?

OP, I hope you are ok Thanks

FrontForward · 18/10/2014 23:11

Hey, the OP posted in a state of shock and having drunk too much. Pulling apart her post is pedantic.

The big issue us are you safe tonight. Yes it would appear so

Are you safe in the future? No. Sorry but you are not.

I hope you get the help and support you need to take the next steps

Mintyy · 18/10/2014 23:13

No one is saying that punching a stressed out mum is justifiable. Precisely no one.

Some people are worried about the child.

temporaryusername · 18/10/2014 23:15

I'm not sure. I think if you feel worried for the child you try to soothe them, not leave them upset while you follow their mother, or punch their mother in front of them. We weren't there, we didn't see what OP did or what happened. We do agree that what her DH did was wrong though, and not justifiable. OP has already been physically attacked by her DH tonight so please don't harass her more for now.

gincamparidryvermouth · 18/10/2014 23:15

I think OP plonked the toddler down on the sofa next to her husband and the toddler toppled over on the sofa? The husband sounds to me like a cunt.