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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

So my DP hit me tonight ...

312 replies

coolbeans · 18/10/2014 20:54

... And ain't that a kick in the head. Or the hip, which is where he punched me.

Sorry; gallows humour.

I do not even know why I am posting. It is the shock I think.

Our youngest was having a toddler meltdown and DP was busy complaining about how I was handling it. In a temper, I said: "You know so much, you should take him!", and thrust said child at him. He didn't catch him and ds fell. My partner punched me. Really hard. And then snarled at me that I should stay away or it would get worse.

we have been together 15 yrs.

I had an horrible childhood. It was all gymkhanas and public school on the outside and beatings and abuse behind closed doors. I had years of counselling and my therapist said one of my problems was that my thresholds were too high.

But being hit. that is one of my lines. I had years of it. I am not going there again. I have worked in DV. I know the script. If I don't walk away now, the likelihood is that it will happen again.

He hurt me. It fucking hurts. I don't understand how ths is my life. He is acting as though it is all of my own doing. Not a word of apology. The fucker.

Sorry for typos and incoherence - too much wine has been drunk to numb how unutterably awful this is,

OP posts:
ClashCityRocker · 18/10/2014 23:16

No Altinkum, you are pissing about with semantics of a woman who has just been punched by her DP.

She thrust her child at DH - ok, she probably shouldn't have done. He fell over. It wasn't intentional, she wasn't trying to hurt him, she was just frustrated from the sound of it, and DH was being a smart arse.

He punched her. She's probably feeling shitty enough without you implying that it's understandable that he punched her.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 18/10/2014 23:16

OP I'm not sure the way this thread is going will be of help to you. I can only blame it on it being a Sat night. You know you need to call 101 and get this logged, tomorrow at the latest. And call WA. They can help you talk It through, clearly and calmly, without getting over emotional. If I were you I'd start another thread tomorrow if you still want to talk.

Altinkum · 18/10/2014 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

temporaryusername · 18/10/2014 23:16

I meant if the DH felt worried.

baskingseals · 18/10/2014 23:17

She is probably not feeling up to defending herself, especially in a place where she hoped to get support Worra. So I wanted to stand up for her, be on her side so to speak. I haven't helped though as she hasn't returned to the thread and I doubt she will.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 18/10/2014 23:17

Altinkum if you think the story is full of holes, why don't you report it to MNHQ and leave it alone?

FrontForward · 18/10/2014 23:18

What are you hoping to achieve with your line of posting Altinkum?

Hairtodaygonetomorrow · 18/10/2014 23:18

I have just checked in my mind, and nope, there are no circumstances under which I would accept a punch in the stomach from my husband. None. Whatever I said, even if I hurt a child either deliberately (like smacking them) or by accident, in an argument (as seems here). None at all.

He didn't even lash out and accidentally catch her. He punched her and followed it with a threat that there'd be more to come.

I would be out of there. Never ever would I accept that and all those suggesting that because you slightly dropped a child makes it reasonable are just plain wrong as far as I'm concerned and as far as the law would be concerned as well.

ClashCityRocker · 18/10/2014 23:20

I don't think her story is full of holes. I think it's quite easy for a toddler - particularly a younger toddler- to topple of a cushion.

To be frank, I don't give a shit if it full of holes.

She's been punched by her husband. This might not be the time for accusations, by ops account the child is fine, maybe she needs a hand to hold?

baskingseals · 18/10/2014 23:21

I am completely with you Clash.

theonlygothinthevillage · 18/10/2014 23:23

Again I'm not blaming the OP bit surely people can see the story is full of holes!!!

Oh, FFS. Who cares about victims of DV anyway? The important thing is trying to show people on MN what a great detective you are. How about doing it on one of the x-factor threads though, where you're not potentially upsetting someone who is already traumatised?

Viviennemary · 18/10/2014 23:24

Was it your fault your child was hurt. It is sad that a child is caught up in the middle of this.

ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb · 18/10/2014 23:25

Where does it say the child was hurt?

northernlurker · 18/10/2014 23:25

'the story' is what happened to a mumsnetter tonight. Sitting on your sofa whining that her narrative lacks cohesion and fails to paint her as the Virgin Mary is such self indulgent crap. Please do go post somewhere else Altinkum, anywhere but here!

MajesticWhine · 18/10/2014 23:26

can Altinkum be reported for being an arsehole?

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2014 23:26

I can only imagine if the genders were reversed here...

"Of course it's not right that you lashed out at him, but he thrust your child at you in temper and caused him to hit the floor. I don't think he should be trusted with the kids any more if that's how he treats an upset toddler or can't cope with a tantrum".

I honestly think some people assume they are being way more helpful with their biased replies than they really are.

But imo it's really not helpful to ignore or minimise what this child experienced tonight.

If you want to support the OP, there are other ways of doing it than glossing over what she did tonight.

And no (before anyone says it) it doesn't mean she should have been punched for it.

temporaryusername · 18/10/2014 23:26

Yes, I'm with you Clash. The OP and her DS have been frightened badly and sorting out what lesser actions led to a very serious offence, is completely inappropriate right now.

OP, are you and your DS ok? Do you think you need any medical attention to check your injury?

TheBogQueen · 18/10/2014 23:27

OP I'm not sure the way this thread is going will be of help to you. I can only blame it on it being a Sat night. You know you need to call 101 and get this logged, tomorrow at the latest. And call WA.

Take this good advice Op. Hope you get through this.

Altinkum · 18/10/2014 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpanielofDoom · 18/10/2014 23:29

Talk about obtuse.
Altinkum, have you been drinking ?

northernlurker · 18/10/2014 23:30

Altinkum - are YOU drunk? Because that's the only possible excuse for the drivel you're posting.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 18/10/2014 23:30

Altinkum, this thread is not about you.

ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb · 18/10/2014 23:30

If the gender roles were reversed I'm pretty sure there would have been plenty of people telling the op that do is never justified, that female on male violence is just as serious and that shoving a child is no justification for such an act of violence. There of course would have been a few people who would try to minimise it but on the whole I think the op would have got a verbal pasting.

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2014 23:31

Why is everyone having a go at Altinkum? Confused

Would none of you care if someone thrust your toddler at you in a temper and your child hit the floor?

ClashCityRocker · 18/10/2014 23:32

But imo it's really not helpful to ignore or minimise what this child experienced tonight.

I agree. The child has just seen his dad ( I presume) punch his mother.
I know I am making assumptions, as I wasn't there, but it doesn't read to me that the OP was deliberately trying to harm her child or intended him to fall over. I just think that it's missing the point a bit...