Anyone here who's found out their OH uses prostitutes?

[BGuns]

I would really appreciate speaking to anyone who has found themselves in the same situation as I have very recently.

What kind of response are you hoping for? The sex trade is a disgusting world of human exploitation and any man who takes part in it is equally disgusting.

If I did, I would apply to divorce him immediately.

Its horrific.

I would say a man that does it has no respect for women full stop. Its not right even if he's single.

Im sorry you have found yourself in this situation. Big hugs BGuns .

I would be gobsmacked. I don't know what I would feel.
I don't think anyone would be surprised if a marriage could not survive this.

You need STI testing

Yuck - get tested!

My goodness. I really hope you have good support in rl.

There will be a whole load of questions I would have thought. I have no experience but it would be the end for most marraiges I would think. Even if not immediately, it would be the beginning of the end.

Practical issues must take over. STI check to make sure you are safe. Financial and housing situation can be discussed with a solicitor in your free 30 min consultation.

Find out what your rights and entitlements are before making any decisions.

Changed username as it was a bit obvious. I don't want a discussion about how wrong it is. I know that only too well. Have been tested and all clear. I just thought there might be someone out there who has been through the same thing. It's all very raw.

Has he left yet?

I threw him out but he's back. He's in counselling. As I said I don't want to talk about what a mug I'm being or how disgusting he is, I just posted for anyone else who has been there.

You're not a mug. Ending a relationship is very difficult, even when there are compelling reasons.

Are you getting counselling?

Have been to speak to someone at Relate by myself but obviously they are there to help you save your marriage. I think I need to speak to someone completely independent about how I'm feeling. I think I am still in shock. Am going to make an appointment to see my GP tomorrow and see if they can refer me. Thank you for being so kind.

Sorry, can't help much other than my STBX used to look at a lot of porn on the internet, go in chat rooms etc. The worst bit was when he spoke to some woman on the phone and "let" me listen while she brought herself off (IYSWIM) - gross!

I guess it's natural to be in shock, few people would choose to marry or spend their life with such a man. Therefore people like him have to fool everyone around them. The truth when it comes is a shock. Which leads me to the logical conclusion that he knows what a repugnant and unpleasant person he is. Its a choice to lie, and it was a choice to pay for sex.

Why is he in counselling? so he can become a nicer, kinder more decent human being? or just so that he make all kinds of excuses...he was weak, has emotional issues, mental health problems, addictive personality, demanding job...and paint himself as a victim. He isn't a victim.

No amount of counselling will alter the fact that he is an abusive man who gets his kicks exploiting women, the ones he fucks and the one who's life he fucks up.

Sorry, never been in your shoes but if he is in counselling then I'm guessing you are just taking it one day at a time.

Let me guess. Poor old your OH has an addiction, he just can't control himself, he still loves you but just really wants to rape prostitutes too... Tears oh so regretful that you foynd out. Boo hoo please don't tell anyone...

I have not known my iwn OH

My own OH has not used prostitutes but i know men who do and on the surface they seem like your ordinary everyman. But there is something fundamentally wrong with a man who does that.

Yes OP, I've been where you are - except with my H there was a load of sexting/swapping dirty photos and videos with another woman as well

I don't know what exactly you want to know (?) but FWIW I trid for ages to get over it and preserve a 30+ year marriage, only to find out this spring that there was a load more he hadn't told me - much the same kind of stuff to be fair, but devastating all the same when I'd kidded myself that he'd been honest so we could get beyond it

To my shame it's taken me nearly 3 years in total to get to this point, but I'm now actively househunting to start a new life without him - and I can't wait!!!

Thanks for posting Puzzledandpissedoff. There has been a lot of the same here too. I guess I was hoping for some success stories of people who have got through this but I know how unlikely that is. Well done you for moving on and starting a new life. I wish you the very best.

I guess I was hoping for some success stories of people who have got through this but I know how unlikely that is

Thanks for your kind remarks OP, and yes, I know what you mean about hoping your relationship will be the exceptional one which recovers from it all

I guess many of us hope the same - except then the gnawing, poisonous doubt builds over time and starts to corrode you. FWIW I have endless admiration for those who claim they've managed it - but I do reserve a small doubt about what kind of price they're paying

I am nearly a year down the line after finding my dh had visited prostitutes.
Sorry, mine is not a positive story as I cannot forget or forgive what he had done to our family.
Please pm if you think I can help.

OP Related aren't there to 'save' your marriage, they're there to help you figure out what best for you, that might well be divorce.

I know I'll get flamed for this, but in the hope of helping the OP, I have a positive story.

My DH admitted to going to a prostitute twice during a difficult time in our marriage. We have got through this and come out the other side. Our marriage is strong again now. Some people may find that hard to believe, but I think sometimes an event which makes you sit down and communicate with each other about what is going wrong can be good in the long run. Several posters on here have forgiven affairs, sexting etc.

He believed that what he did was not as bad as having an affair (because it was clearly just about sex, not love). Again, I know I'll get flamed, but I sort of agree with him. It's worse because of the exploitation of women working in the sex industry, but it's better in terms of what it meant for the way he feels about me. Sorry, I realise that is selfish of me.

Op, I haven't been in this situation, but I suspect I would find an affair worse due to emotional involvement? Any some couples can work through affairs, so I would say it is possible.