Anyone here who's found out their OH uses prostitutes?

[BGuns]

I would really appreciate speaking to anyone who has found themselves in the same situation as I have very recently.

John, I don't know how much you use porn but that in itself can be damaging, it's so out of reality it's a joke - why are you so against moving on with your life and finding a woman who is wanting the same as you?

You just sound like the proverbial man who has affairs cos - his wife doesn't understand him, is it not fairer on everyone concerned to be upfront and honest and call it a day?

I'm glad John was honest about his situation. Very brave. I'm not sure why sexual needs are always dismissed in a way nobody would dismiss emotional or financial needs.

My uncle's marriage broke up last yr, turns out he was a long time repeat user of prostitutes. Shocking part is uncle is an evangelical holier-than-thou Christian preacher (you couldn't make that up). Prominent in his community, etc. (why is it always the evangelical religious people I know who do the outrageous sins?)

I have impression Aunt knew about it for yrs & tried repeatedly to forgive him (true Christian attitude) but finally couldn't stomach it any more. Very sad for all & their many children.

Sometimes life throws up really weird things.

It disempowers prostitutes to assume they are all victims or so is the entire sex industry. They can't change their situation to be more empowered (& therefore less vulnerable) if they are always typecast as a victim profession. Truth is complicated.

I will tell you how easy it is for a woman John . Back at xmas 2012 i joined the experience project forum. They have a sexless marriage support forum on there. I lasted two weeks on there. I was asked for "legs apart" photos. I deregistered straight away.

Yep Real easy for women

There is absolutely nothing empowering about prostitution. Not now, not ever.

DE, that is vile. That's what the "empowerfulisation vibes" of the sex industry does to women.

Thanks AF there was an awful lot of bitterness and misogyny on there too. Not for me x

Reduced to nothing more than a vulva for sad men to wank over.

A lovely thought for our teenage boys and girls to digest

So what do you suggest.

Force my self to have sex so DH doesn't look else where.

Piper, who are you asking that question ?

Jan45, maybe you're right. But losing your child seems a high price to pay for the woman you chose to share your life with arbitrarily changing the dynamic of your relationship.

Minus, why would you "lose your child" ? Do you mean you would turn your back on her/him if you ended your marriage ?

AnyFucker, my life with my child has been absolutely full on - I explained it earlier in the thread. Meanwhile my job has allowed my wife support during maternity, and then a phased reintroduction to work, to the point that she has been afforded the choices in employment (the risks I couldn't take as the sole earner early on) that now allow her to work fewer hours for more money than I. All of this I have no qualms with, for we are a partnership. A partnership in all but one aspect of our lives together.
As I said upthread, were we to split, I have been advised she would get the lion's share of custody. I would go from full time dad to every other weekend, perhaps the odd weeknight were I lucky enough to get my employer to stagger my hours.

@DE , sorry what I meant was is the perception you have more choice and can and rightly be picky. I didn't consider all the extensive "filters" you would have to put in your search. Don't match.com etc have blockers , or would that get your searches down from 100's to about 10?

Episode of The Big Bang Theory running on E4 right now Sheldon and Koothrapoli are discussing Sheldons relationship with Amy and how Sheldon has an "agreement" with her that she wont see other men who are just friends.

Koothrapoli ....but you dont have sex with her either.
Sheldon.........Slick huh.

Audience laughs.

There you go The withholding of affection and sex towards women and the controlling or curbing of their sexuality played for cheap laughs. THIS is how it is.

(its H who watches this show not me)

Im not online dating John Its not for me but thankyou.

@Jan45 I am a bit scared to be quite honest. Everything that @minus says would happen to me.

To everyone who has replied I do realise that affairs and escorts are not the answer, but at the time felt like a quick fix

Just musing I guess.

But John wont all those things happen anyway if your wife finds out about the escorts and porn? Unless I'm missing something and she already knows?

I agree a sexless marriage isn't an option. If you both love each other surely your wife would make the appropriate enquiries re her problems if she knew your marriage was on the line?

minus, are you of the opinion that the financial support of your wife's "phased return to work" affords you sexual access to her ?

it looks like that from what you have said

Piper, my question was not an aggressive one, just wasn't sure who you were addressing

I believe that no-one should have sex they do not want. That is the bottom line, IMO.

IUSW would say different, @AnyF.

IUSW ?

I'm sorry, I should have just kept that thought in my mind. It's made me a bit paranoid reading this thread.

I would break me if DH left me because of the lack of sex.

You should be allowed to talk about it, Piper.

AnyFucker, that is out of line.
My financial support for my family was a mutual agreement between she and I for bringing our little girl into the world.
Please read my post of 10:50 ish and then come back and throw that insulting post back at me.
I have never, and will never mistreat my wife. Don't quite know why I'm justifying myself to you, but in the early years of our relationship our sex life was very much driven by her. The decline is also very much her, rather than I.
Also read my post after 10:50 where I said it is a woman's right not to go anywhere near her husband of she so desires. But reading those posts would hardly allow you to throw such a disgusting insult at me, would it?