feelings on porn

[lollypop77]

Just wanted other peoples opinions on if they are ok with there partners/husbands watching porn regular ..do you get worried or wonder why they have the need to ??

I'd don't mind watching it together (think I enjoy it more) but that's it

I am not ok with it for ethical reasons. Some porn is filmed rape, and you have no way of knowing which is and which isn't. I would not be with a partner who was happy to take that risk simply to have an orgasm.

I have no feelings of inadequacy or jealousy about it.

Dh and I have discussed this quite a bit. He knows why I don't like it and I know why he doesn't like it. Luckily we think the same.

Actually, it's not luck, I would not have married a man who wanted to watch women being sexually abused.

My husband used to be into porn, but after my encouragement did research on both the ethics of it, and the effect it has on people's Brain (similar to cocaine addiction in regular users) and decided it wasn't for him anymore. It wasn't anything to do with me feeling insecure.

An unexpected side effect is that our sex life did actually improve

I'm not ok with it at all

OP, is your partner telling you that all women are fine with porn and that you should STFU ? Is he implying you would be a boring, frigid stiff if you weren't happy with his use of porn ?

because that is bull shit

I'm with Chase - the ethics bother me a bit but have no problem separating our sex life and what he does in his own time.

Why do you ask OP?

Some porn is filmed rape, and you have no way of knowing which is and which isn't. I would not be with a partner who was happy to take that risk simply to have an orgasm

I agree with this. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than be with someone who prioritises ejaculation over women's welfare.

I would rather DH didn't watch it for all the reasons stated above but it's not something I'd leave him over.

Fortunately I'm married to a man who respects women.We've managed a very active and healthy sex life for over 40 years without needing to watch simulated sex acts between other people,one of whom is probably not enjoying themself.

We've managed.

the ethics "bother you a bit" ?

sorry love, what does that even mean ?

have the courage of your convictions

I don't like porn also for the ethics reason raised above. I'm deeply uneasy with getting off on watching something which may or may not be consensual.

Aside from that, looking at so called ethical porn, it doesn't really do much for me. I don't really get off on watching other people have sex, I'd rather be having sex with the person I love and thinking about them .
If a partner was into porn it would probably be a deal breaker because of what it said about our differing world views. Not because it made me feel like I wasn't 'enough'.

I don't mind, its not like hes sleeping with them, and same for me - he doesn't care either. We have a 'can look but don't touch' rule.

I really dislike it and would be very very unhappy if my DP was using it.

As AF said, the ethics of porn are very unpleasant.

I have to say that in my limited experience of porn it is pretty distasteful. Quite apart from the ethical issues of how it is made, it is just unerotic. My exH showed me some a couple of times and it was so dull!

I have zero interest in watching two people who have clearly only just met and who have no emotional connection whatsoever going through the motions for the camera. It's so impersonal. Sex should be personal. It's not just about tab A into slot B, it is about the connection between two people at every level or frankly why bother?

I really hate how porn turns women into holes for men to fill and I think lots of men bring that unerotic, emotionally disconnected approach into real life relationships as a result of watching porn.

I was just curiuos ... I do discuss this with him ... I am not as much bothered by it but worried that it could go to another level ov needing more with sumone else ... he has a higher sex drive then me and I understand that side but I look at it as an addiction and could it turn into something more damaging to us ?

I think that the ethical side is a real problem but mild use of porn isn't a great problem ... guess that 'mild' needs defining .. uh, I dunno, if for some reason you aren't dtd for more than a few weeks then some average-but-ethical porn sex would be ok

If it becomes a case of needing more and more or more extreme then yeah, problem. Or if you aren't judicious about sourcing the porn. ( i wonder if there's a site that compares the ethic ratings of porn somewhere? Joke!) Or if you insist vehemently that it's your right to use porn and your partner should shut up. Problem there, for sure.

In my case for a certain reason sex is off the cards until the new year and I turn a tactful blind eye to my husband's use of it. He knows that I'd prefer him to consider if the women are being mistreated, he himself prefers to consider that and he is tactful about keeping it well out of my way.

I worked on the periphery of the porn industry. ( please be kind, i was desperate for money, desperate being the operative word) I saw things that were soul destroying. The porn industry is built on the pain, physical and mental, of the people making those films.

Tolerating a partner watching porn or possessing porn is not an option for me.

i hate it

Thanks for speaking up CatWitch. Those that have insider knowledge need to speak up more because those of us who don't have it (thankfully) often get thought of as sex-hating killoys for questioning the status quo re porn

to answer your last post, well Im not sure there is any clear answer. As with alcohol, most people can handle indulging reasonably well, a few get drawn further and further in and really make a mess of their relationships through it.

So at a guess, I'd say chances are your husband will be okay but there's no guarentees sorry. I do suspect that with women who ban their partners using porn outright, that it generally just makes the husbands more careful about being caught.

*killjoys

Meerka, are you one of those people who believes all men use porn and if their partners say not they must be deluded lying or in denial ?