feelings on porn

[lollypop77]

Just wanted other peoples opinions on if they are ok with there partners/husbands watching porn regular ..do you get worried or wonder why they have the need to ??

Salene, I don't have to make my husband hide it. I just married a man with similar views to myself.

But I know what you think, he is a secret porn user and as soon as I leave the house he is whacking one off to porn while telling me how much he is against it.

Page 1 and 2 people are going on about girls in porn being raped and men getting off on watching women being abused

Yes, some women are raped and abused. Not all of them but some are. No-one has said all of them are.

Much as I loath the sex industry as exploitative and misogynistic, i do understand and agree that not everyone is exploited. But the key question is how do you know? Porn is not like supermarket chicken. It is not labelled so you have a clear understanding of its origin and source. Anyone watching porn has no idea whether they are watching rape or a fun day at the office. And that lack of visibility is the key factor in the ethical debate. You might be watching rape, are you happy to take that chance?

But the key question is how do you know?

Well what about videos with well known porn actors/actresses

But equally I think it's unrealistic to say "unless you know for sure" that it is consensual and not abuse you must then you should automatically assume the absolute worst. Would you pass legislation requiring all participants to show their birth certificate and say to camera "I consent to this act and it being broadcast on tinterweb" ?? Surely someone could be coerced to make such a statement. .

Exactly voodoo. For me personally, as AF said, even a 1% chance is 1% too high.

This thread is really depressing. Same old excuses and justification and naïvety about porn. One poster has even shared her own distressing experiences in the industry, only for other posters to continue to trundle in with their crass 'hubby needs a release, lol!' posts :(

The only fun thing about this thread was AF's 'how poetic'.

Surely someone could be coerced to make such a statement

Exactly. People can be coerced. People are coerced. The only way you can be sure 100% that you are not watching a woman being abused is to not watch.

It all depends on where you stand personally. Are you willing to risk that you are getting your jollies at the expense of someone being raped? You really do have to think about this and come to a personal decision.

What difference does that make xena? If you did a bit of research, you would find that some previously well-known, well-paid (and supposedly 'empowered') performers have been through some quite harrowing experiences in the industry and/or were drug addicts. Some were abused or raped as children which is sadly probably why they ended up going into an industry which they felt at the time could give them the attention/admiration/sense of self-worth that they craved.

I'd rather see naivety than acceptance though soup because at least that person might have a think about it and change their mind. If someone genuinely hadn't considered abuse in the sex industry, at least they are considering it now.

It's when a person already knows that they might be watching rape and wants to watch it anyway that I feel there is no hope.

The "1% risk" bar seems awfully high and unrealistic. Even if I subscribed to it, realistically the demand is still going to be there. How would you legislate against it?

placid why do you need legislation to make you stop watching? Can you not just make that decision for yourself.

And since when is 1% 'awfully high'? In anyone's math, that is a low percentage.

Fairnuff isn't that a bit like saying "I'm against marriage in general because you don't know FOR SURE that it wasn't a forced marriage."

Sorry I meant the remaining 99%. No need to be a meany!

Ah, that makes sense, sorry.

Fairnuff isn't that a bit like saying "I'm against marriage in general because you don't know FOR SURE that it wasn't a forced marriage."

No.

I don't watch it very often. But I don't think my watching it less is going to make any difference. Also for those of you who are absolutely certain your partners and sons never partake.. hmm

Fairenuff, you're right about naïvety- I tend to forget that I came from that same position myself, and it is largely thanks to MN that I have been educated on the problems.

placid, I think what Faire is saying is that, for many people, the 'not knowing' is not ok. And until such time as any sort of legislation happens (don't hold your breath), the only logical option for those who do not want to watch people who are possibly being abused/raped/coerced/drugged/trafficked is simply not to watch. It's really not difficult to just not watch it- even for some men, would you believe?

It's even possible to not watch porn and to still be a person who really enjoys sex. A fact which confuses many porn apologists who seem to feel they need something extra in order to be able to enjoy physical pleasures.

I do get that Wading. But becoming a modern day Mary Whitehouse about it doesn't seem particularly fruitful course of action either.

Crazylady-exactly what I am saying though I probably didn't explain myself that well! Yes there will be abuse, of course there will. But many may enjoy/want to be there and do what they do. Same with porn I would assume.

Well then, what would you suggest is a good course of action? Campaigning for legislation in the industry? There are such campaigns out there- you could join in if you've got the time. Or you could just carry on watching porn and hope someone else will sort it out

For me, the easiest option is not to watch. I haven't watched any in years and I don't miss it- it's not even on my radar. I have a full and colourful life without it, nothing Mary Whitehouseish about it.

The best course of action is to ensure that the existing laws are enforced. Just "saying no" is fine. But watching someone else do naughty stuff is fine too..

There's all this talk of rape and coercion here but there is lots of porn made by individual women doing things alone to a webcam. As long as no is getting harmed it's fine in my book.

I'm grateful for this thread. I find the whole subject very difficult and disturbing for the reasons others have posted. I have tried to discuss it with DP (who has AS) without success.

I have been racking my brain to try and come up with an analogy which illustrates why placid's webcam example doesn't make it ok for me.

Say I worked manufacturing luxury scented soap and there were regulations saying factories couldn't use, for example, lead and arsenic in their products - which would be clearly hazardous to workers. I couldn't say it is ok for someone making soap in their kitchen to sell at the school fete to use lead and arsenic if they choose to in their own kitchen.

"If they are comfortable with it it's no one else's business."

"It's not the same as forcing factory workers to use a hazardous chemical."

It's no good saying lead and arsenic soap make you feel great and look wonderful. Whether it's made under coercive or liberated conditions it's still a poisonous product.

I don't watch it because I have done in the past, and found it dull. My wife occasionally watches some.

Posters trotting out the usual shit - Anti-porn means you are anti-sex; I'm so clever I can tell whether porn is exploitative or non-consensual (no answer to the revenge porn claim though).

This discussion remains so depressing - people feeling that they have to accept porn use or that porn creation is ok because all that matters is that they get to masturbate.

Placid how do you know that the video is consensual? How do you know that it is shared with consent. And what about the effect that porn has on young people?

The answer is that you don't know. That woman 'doing things to herself on a webcam' might have her children in the next room with her abusive boyfriend who tells her to make it good and get them some money.

You don't know.

I know it's a really hard reality to face and might take some time to fullly accept but, if you are ok with watching porn, then you are ok with watching abuse.

But I don't think my watching it less is going to make any difference.

This is just a way of justifying to yourself that it's ok for you to watch women being abused for your own sexual pleasure. I know you don't mean to and would rather you could be sure that they are not being abused, but you can't be sure so the only way to have a clear conscience is not to watch.

The daft thing is that it's really, really easy to not watch.

I wonder why so many people cling to the 'need' or 'right' to watch when it's the easiest thing in the world to just not.