feelings on porn

[lollypop77]

Just wanted other peoples opinions on if they are ok with there partners/husbands watching porn regular ..do you get worried or wonder why they have the need to ??

isabeller the thing is that if you make soap with lead in in your kitchen it's still poisonous and I'm not sure that genuinely voluntary porn is poisonous. In moderation.

there's a lot that has been said, like how do you know it's voluntary and also the objectification of women which is a big problem imo.

The pov that there's a big range of porn seems pretty convincing to me though. Again, the practical problem is how do you know which is which?

Now and then I look at the big written-erotica site and I find that ... mixed. Some of what's written is just really quite unpleasant porn. Other stories are lovely well written stories with an erotic element that's much hotter because you're actually engaged with the stories. That's absolutely fine by me. I can't see any downside. But I don't think most men respond that way, they prefer the visual stuff.

Meh, old problem that's not going to go away, quite the opposite.

thing is fairnuff is that it's the easiest thing for you and I not to watch. But not everyone feels like that.

When people see tweets from porn stars showing off their new condo in Miami, or Mandingo talking about his new Lamborghini at the AVN awards, it doesn't seem like they are suffering that badly. I guess the porn industry is like many others where those at the top are very highly rewarded - the music industry, acting, sports - so many naive wannabes trying to get into it who will be easily manipulated and exploited, some more talented than others, and some better able to cope with it than others.

I absolutely detest the porn industry and everything is stands for. Yes, there will be some "reputable" companies who treat their employees like humans, but the very nature of the work, and the scale of the demand, means that it strongly encourages people with no morals whatsoever to exploit others. It's a bit like a pyramid. At the top you have the multi million pound companies who do everything by the book, but that is built upon a bedrock of rape, trafficking, exploitation, filming without the knowledge of one of the people involved...etc.

Even in companies where sexual health is taken extremely seriously with constant screenings, drugs are still very much promoted.

The "story lines" within porn (from the very little that I have had the misfortune to stumble across), do everything they can to enforce hideously misogynistic views about women - that women exist purely for male pleasure. That women are always up for sex. That women are happy to be degraded for a man's sexual pleasure.

The sex "industry" has very little to do with actual sex for people not involved in it's production. I think people okay with porn often forget that.

It's a bit like someone being mentally unable to comprehend how someone could be in a football team, love the sport, whatever, but hates playing FIFA on an xbox. That doesn't make them some sort of sport hating Luddite.

Me and my partner both watch porn separately, he doesn't want to share it, he sees it as very private (maybe he has some weird fetishes? I don't know! lol) but he gets a bit touchy about me knowing he watches it, even when he knows I watch it, and playfully tease him about finding it on his phone or laptop. He's sensitive haha.

It doesn't really worry me because I know when I watch it, it has no effect on how I feel about or fancy him. And he's the same with me, still fancies me, still attracted, still the same couple, and maybe it'll give him some jolly good ideas in bed ;) he's definitely better at talking dirty than me and he probably got it from all that.

He'll have watched it before he knew me, as do a lot of men single or taken, and it never had an effect on him wanting to be with me in the first place or the way he treated me intimately.. so I just leave him to it as he does with me :)

Everyone's different. Unless he has an addiction with it, or only seems to want to have sex once he's watched it to get him going.. then I'd be calling it an issue. Otherwise I'd leave him to it.

That's just my opinion - without all the ethics discussion...etc. because you could get into an argument about it all day (which some people seem to have) :)

"He'll have watched it before he knew me, as do a lot of men single or taken" I probably should have said "and women", bit sexist of me there ;) lol

How can you talk about watching porn and just laugh off the ethics of it?

If I was given 100 clips to watch, all equally convincing, and was told that in one of the clips the girl is only 14, drugged and being raped, I wouldn't watch any of them.

The idea of accidentally masturbating to a woman being raped is just vile.

I think a lot of the "but all men need porn" lot, seem to think that men need porn to masturbate, and that those saying "porn isn't ethical" are saying don't masturbate or enjoy sex.

That's not true at all. Masturbate away! That's normal and healthy!

Porn isn't masturbation. It's a separate thing. I find it weird that to some people they are one and the same.

When I was early 20s I didn't know about the ethics of it. I was a "cool gf" who was quite happy with other halfs watching it if they wanted to.

Some did, some didn't.

When I learnt what was behind the industry and how these people were treated, I changed my views.

When I met my now dh, before we moved in together, one of our discussions was about porn. I told him it was a deal breaker for me. That I understood if he didn't share my view, that was up to him, but that I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who used porn.

This wasn't me enforcing my views on him, this was me telling him my boundaries. Luckily dh shares my views on the importance of ethics (lol).

I think what all the people on here saying "it's fine I know what's ethical and what isn't" are really saying is, "it's fine because it really turns me on". If that's your argument, at least own it. Be upfront, "I don't care as much about whether the woman I'm watching is being abused or not, as I do about the fact that I find this erotic". Don't pretend you've truly researched and considered the ethics, and dismiss them as not convincing.

I used to think it was all harmless fun. I probably even argued that fact when I was at uni. And I probably thought that I was being a strong woman doing it. "Me? I'm not threatened or jealous!"

Well, no. I wasn't. But that kind of misses the point.

And we've had several threads on here over the years, where wives have discovered their husbands have uploaded their private recordings online. :( it's tragic to see how vulnerable and devastated these women are. I can't imagine the betrayal and the hurt. The family torn apart, the consequences.

But I fear most for my sons and daughters, and how they will cope with real relationships, and have real, satisfying sexual lives, when their first ideas of sex are so skewed and wrong.

There is no doubt that some porn is exploitative.

Other porn is simply for the titillation of others.

Some have a prurient view of sex, and other people having sex. I am not one of them. The sort of porn that someone may wish to watch does say something about their sexual interests, and that is what is interesting.

Lucylloyds13

The sort of porn that someone may wish to watch does say something about their sexual interests, and that is what is interesting.

That's why I'm so curious as to what my OH is watching - I'm a nosy cow :) haha

So, Lucy, how do you tell the difference?

Dizzy, and if your oh is in to rape porn, or bestiality, is that still something to lot at?

Fuckyouchrisandthathorse

I trust my man, that's why I can lol at it. Just because he watches porn doesn't mean he's more likely to be into something nuts.

That's like me asking you if your partner fantasizes about killing or raping people or having sexual relationships with an animal. porn or no porn, WHY would I ask you if you think your partner thinks about those things....

Christ. No one could no them things about their partner, porn watcher or not.

I actually feel stupid responding to such a remark from you. I have no need to defend his thoughts or actions.

Fuckyouchrisandthathorse

To add to your ridiculous comment about my partner. I watch porn as often as him. IT isn't rape porn, or bestiality, or anything violent, sick, or unrealistic.

So why should I be thinking those things about him

I also don't think he's a pedophile, criminal, murderer, drug dealer, people trafficker... but I suppose he could be doing or fantasizing about all those things behind my back too couldn't he?

Blardy ell.....

Dizzy, I'm not asking if he does, I'm asking if you'd be fine with it If he does. I was curious as to how far your haha curiosity stretched.

So you're saying that lots of aspects of the porn industry are disgusting and vile, but not all of them? Some of it's good and wholesome?

So you do have moral views on what is right and wrong to view pornography-wise?

Where's the line?

And you're disgusted by "rape porn" but fine with women being raped in porn, as long as they're pretending to enjoy it? As long as you don't have to view it as a violent act, it's ok? As long as the only person affected is the woman on the film?

fuckyouchrisandthathorse

Would I be fine with it if he watched beatiality and rape porn? no! (rough porn, bondage? yeaah fair doos to him)

But obviously anything he would get arrested for actually doing with someone, of course not :)

Just like I wouldn't want him doing anything else illegal, just like most normal people wouldn't, sex related or not.

So you're saying that lots of aspects of the porn industry are disgusting and vile, but not all of them? Some of it's good and wholesome?

Some parts of the music industry are vile, some parts of the normal film industry are vile, some parts (well many parts) of the production of animal meat is vile.

But the parts you mentioned - i.e. rape and bestiality I wouldn't consider to be normal porn or the actions of a normal human being, and I consider myself and my partner to be (relatively) normal.

So you do have moral views on what is right and wrong to view pornography-wise?

Anything not illegal or sick. I.E rape, bestiality, children...etc anything any normal wired person would not do with another individual.

Anything else - harmless fetishes, people can like what they like I don't mind.

I'm not sure why you seem to be so persistent on my views on it when I already stated I'm not getting into the morals and ethics discussion.

The OP asked what people's thoughts with on their partner watching porn.. and I told her I was fine with it and why.

If you want to start a thread on the moral and ethical aspects of it and how someone's partner could be a closet sicko - then go ahead. But that's not what I'm here for :)

fuckyouchrisandthathorse

Learn when to drop something. The lady asked what people thought about their partners watching porn.

I don't mind him doing so, and I also do so.

Think what you like of me. And make presumptions in your head that are sicker than I could imagine as a porn watcher.

But I will not be answering your intrusive accusatory comments anything.

I think she's probably had enough of what people think of the industry as a whole to last a lifetime today.

anything - Anymore*

Dizzy, I really don't think you can have a discussion about whether you're ok with your partner watching porn without it looking at the ethics :o

Would I be threatened at dh looking at it otherwise, historically I haven't been in past relationships, I'm not the jealous type. Would I question who he was and whether we were compatible anymore? Yup.

So if you caught your dh watching porn that you approve of, all is fine, but if he's watching porn that you feel crosses a moral line (and rape porn is far more mainstream than it once was) then you would not be fine.

What if he was watching gay porn? Would that be ok? Not illegal.

I know I'm being provocative, I'm not trying to upset you, but your post came across as very "porn is great, I don't think about the ethics", which made want to query that.

A poster earlier in the thread have her experiences of working in the industry, and some shoots being scary and painful. Those would maybe fall under "harmless fetishes".

You haven't responded to how you feel about watching actual rape dressed up as consensual. Again it jars that you are hurt by the idea of "pretend" rape, but ok with the possibility that you have viewed real rapes for your own pleasure.

I do appreciate with you engaging about this.

I used to share your views, and hadn't thought to challenge them.

Xpost :o

No more engaging then!

Bullets, it makes me want to cry for my teens having to deal with it as "normality".