Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

What is this?

184 replies

Sillybillywilly · 02/09/2014 09:41

If your 'd'p whipped you with a tea towel, threw a glass of water at you and threw and garden chair at you (well not at 'in your direction') would you consider this domestic abuse?

OP posts:

Report

Sillybillywilly · 04/09/2014 14:57

Thank you everyone, and thank you for your kind words and support, I really believe I will have the strength to break free, if I wobble I will call on you all to give me a virtual shake and remind why I have done this.

Right now I am going to get ready for work and spend the day pampering myself tomorrow ready to go see some strippers tomorrow night!

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 04/09/2014 19:08

We will be here if you need us. Have fun, and remember this bloke has been sucking the joy out of your life. Lots more joy for you in the future without him

ArsenicFaceCream · 05/09/2014 08:11

Glad you have some fun planned. It is overdue, I think

Sillybillywilly · 05/09/2014 09:00

It's well over due, he hated me going out this night has been planned for ages.

Mil invited me to stay at hers until I find somewhere to live. I don't know what to do, it's a better environment for dd, my parents smoke in the house, I smoke so I can't really say anything but never in the house, the house stinks of stale smoke. Also it's so cluttered that you can't actually clean it, my mum has never been one for house work anyway.
The downside is ex may think he has free reign to come and go as he pleases, however his mum has spoken to him and told him not to turn up randomly, he has left me alone so far, so I don't think he would harass me if I was at his mums, also it's on the other side of town to dd's nursery and my work, I would have to get 2 buses to get there. Also it would be a bit weird of I was living with the ex's mum!

OP posts:

ilovelamp82 · 05/09/2014 09:13

I think it would be better to stay at your Mum's. Can you not ask your parents not to smoke in the house whilst you have a baby living there?

Sillybillywilly · 05/09/2014 09:19

I did last Time but they smoked in their bedroom with the door shut, but you could still smell the smoke, even when they do go outside, they sit In the conservatory with the back door open! She would get really offended if I try to talk to her about the house being dirty, I am more than happy to pull my weight and help with the house work, there is just so much stuff, on the side boards, on the floor, the dining table, everywhere, it's impossible to clean properly.

OP posts:

ilovelamp82 · 05/09/2014 09:26

As supportive as your MIL sounds, I think you would be in a very vulnerable position staying there. It sounds like you need to find somewhere of your own as soon as possible.

Women's aid would be able to give you the best advice on this.

I know you're worried about being on benefits finding a property. I don't really know but would your parents be guarantor for a place? Would that make Landlords more willing maybe?

Sillybillywilly · 05/09/2014 09:26

Also they have a jack Russell who has always been a bit grumpy but the last few days he has gotten worse and growled at dd every time she went near him yesterday. I don't trust him at all.

OP posts:

Sillybillywilly · 05/09/2014 09:41

They would but they are both retired so I don't know of they can be.

My parents house is council, I'm on the rent book as they didn't take me off when I moved out 4 years ago. I thought I could get them to write to the council saying they don't want me living there I could go down, lay it on a bit thick, say I can't go home because of abusive ex, this is obviously true, I don't know if they would be able to find me alternative accommodation.

OP posts:

ilovelamp82 · 05/09/2014 10:23

I really think you need to make a call to Women's and the council. I would be guessing. You need as much information as possible and to be on any lists you need to be as soon as possible, or to maybe even consider a refuge.

ArsenicFaceCream · 05/09/2014 10:56

As supportive as your MIL sounds, I think you would be in a very vulnerable position staying there.

This.

WA could help you get on the housing list. How do you feel about that? Social housing could give you real stability and security and control over what happens in your home.

Sillybillywilly · 05/09/2014 11:32

Would I have to go to a refuge in a different town?

OP posts:

ArsenicFaceCream · 05/09/2014 11:34

Not necessarily. I think local policies vary.

Phone and ask. You might have to hang on where you are while you wait for a space to come up.

ArsenicFaceCream · 05/09/2014 11:36

At the moment you would be very high priority for housing (homeless, escaping DV). WA are experts at this stuff.

Could you hold o at your mum's for a few days if you had to?

Sillybillywilly · 05/09/2014 13:32

Yes I can stay for a bit, will contact woman's aid and see what they say.

OP posts:

ArsenicFaceCream · 05/09/2014 13:33

Good

Sillybillywilly · 05/09/2014 13:44

Have to go to work soon so will call the first thing.

OP posts:

Sillybillywilly · 06/09/2014 13:43

Morning ladies, not feeling great today
Didn't have a great night, I'm a man hater right now I don't think going to see strippers was the best idea, also they only looked about16
We went to a bar after that was full of Leary, letchy men, awful.
My mum is winding me up a bit already just little things like when I was putting dd's shoes on
Dd- are these my trainers?
Me- there not really trainers ( little blue shoes with a Velcro strap and a flower on the toes)
Mum- why aren't they trainers? They could be trainers? What would you call them then?
Me- I don't know

Is this a normal thing to be would up about? Or am I being over sensitive? I just feel like questioning things I say to dd, making me look/ feel a bit stupid.

Also the last two nights I have had dreams that ex has been having a full blown affair, I went mental in my dreams, pulling the hair of the women and punching ex!
What's that about? I would never do that in rl! I have woken up feeling really angry at him. ( I don't think he ever had an affair, just a holiday fling in the first year of our relationship)

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 06/09/2014 13:57

Sorry you are down today. Strippers are not my cuppa tea, tbh and even worse to get letched at afterwards... Yuk. That would make anyone feel crap.

I expect you will naturally be a bit oversensitive for a while. Be kind to yourself.

lazarusb · 06/09/2014 14:53

You need to give yourself time. Quite why your mum thought that was worth challenging is curious. They're shoes, end of!

If he does get in contact, even via his family, keep a log of everything. Just in case. If (worst case scenario) he does turn up and threaten you etc, don't hesitate to call the police.

Is he on your dd's birth certificate? Just asking because if he isn't and he doesn't have PR you can prevent him collecting her from nursery etc.

Sillybillywilly · 06/09/2014 17:03

He is on the birth cert, he hasn't actually contacted me so far which I'm a bit suprized about.

I'm not worried about him picking her up from nursery, he wouldn't because he never actually wants to look after her!

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 06/09/2014 17:32

He is trying to mindfuck you. Don't be tempted to contact him.

lazarusb · 06/09/2014 17:40

I agree with AF, he is playing a waiting game waiting for you to crack.
A week after I left my ex he phoned and asked if I was still going to be doing his shopping and cleaning. How I laughed. But no mention of seeing our ds at that point.

Sillybillywilly · 06/09/2014 17:42

I won't, I'm bloody pissed off because he made me give him £100 the day before I left, he won't give it back and he won't give me any money for dd, as he apparently has no money, but he has gone to get a tattoo this afternoon! I found out through his mum!

OP posts:

Vivacia · 06/09/2014 17:47

This is the kind of thing which makes some of us advise making a little bit of distance with your ex's mum.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.