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Original poster

Did I do the right things by threatening to contact the police or was I OTT?

410 replies

CharlieBrookerScowl · 06/07/2014 08:55

Broke up with my ex 3 and a half weeks ago. We'd been together almost 2yrs. At first he was angry and that was fine. I was very clear, everytime he asked in that first week, that it was 100% over. I had many reasons and felt he'd never change and I'd been very stressed and unhappy for months before.

The second week I'd asked him not to contact me and then got a few texts after that but he eventually left it. After lots of emotionally manipulative texts. I'm talking long essays about how sad he is/misses me & DS (not his and he was crap with him when we were together)/his family are upset/other kids keep asking after DS.

Then yesterday, after a week and a half of no contact (thank god, I thought that was it) he contacted me out of the blue with another guilt-trippy essay and begged me to just talk to him for a few minutes. It caught me off guard so I stupidly agreed as he said he just wanted to ask after DS etc (I am such a bloody idiot). He almost managed to talk me into meeting yesterday but I just said I couldn't handle it/didn't trust him not to try and beat me submission (not physically!) like he had been since we split. He really seemed to think enough harassment would win me back! Shock

He sent lots of texts that I ignored after that begging to come over for just fifteen minutes and I was actually really creeped out all night. It was crap and every sound had me on edge (I live in a ground floor flat and needed the windows open as it was so hot)!

I replied in the morning saying please don't contact me. I asked you not to contact me before. To which he sent another essay begging to come over/we need to be together/give it a chance and I just saw red. I don't want to feel scared in my own home!! So I threatened to call 101 (and meant it). Was sent a reply along the lines of 'I can't believe you'd threaten that when I'm just telling you I love you' Hmm Err I asked you not to contact me twice, in plain terms and you're scaring me. He has form for ignoring me wrt to boundary issues anyway.

I wasn't being OTT was I!? Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlieBrookerScowl · 14/07/2014 15:52

He needed answers though you see?

Well I would like answers too...Like why he feels entitled to creep me the hell out just to exert whatever control he can over me? But he's actually not that bright so I'm not sure he'd even fully understand Hmm Grin

But there will be no contact. EVER. Not on my part anyway. He's not the worst of men but he'll always make my skin crawl now.

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlieBrookerScowl · 14/07/2014 16:00

(I know it's not all about control for him, he is genuinely heratbroken etc etc but he had odd emotional-head-fucky tendancies when we were together and either lacks empathy/doesn't give a crap, likely both).

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 14/07/2014 16:23

The thing is, o one has any kind of entitlement to 'answers' or 'closure' When a person is dumped, they have to suck it up and fuck off out of the life of the person who dumped them, iuf that's what they've been told to do. End of.

tribpot · 14/07/2014 16:28

You feel the need to reiterate him being genuinely heartbroken. That's not relevant. And also not necessarily backed up by the way he behaved when you were together either.

The question you need to answer to is 'why don't you fuck the fuck off and leave me in peace?'

BeCool · 14/07/2014 16:34

I know someone who sent 157 texts saying I LOVE YOU in a week. It was after a break up he wouldn't accept.

He was charged of harassment and found guilty - go for it OP, report away. It's not your role in life to be receiving all his shit & grief.

Original poster
CharlieBrookerScowl · 14/07/2014 17:47

why don't you fuck the fuck off and leave me in peace - Well yep, that's all I feel/think about it atm.

But for whatever reason he has been a total mess.

All quiet on the ex front today anyway. First time in what feels like ages. It actually feels like this last month has been longer than the entire relationship!

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlieBrookerScowl · 14/07/2014 18:13

Was a bit cheeky and snooped on his fb (via another account). Done it a few times since the split in case it gave anything away (as to how he seemed etc). He hadn't been posting during the worst of it but seems to have 'gone back to normal' on there.

Do wonder if that 2nd visit was all it needed...

OP posts:
tribpot · 14/07/2014 18:23

That's another encouraging sign, perhaps he finally has got the message. Hope so.

Original poster
CharlieBrookerScowl · 14/07/2014 18:28

Me too! Smile

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 14/07/2014 20:34

Maybe it has done the trick. Especially if he is more of a deluded, childish 'romantic' twat than a malevolent misogynist - he might decide that it's more hassle than it's worth to keep on going. Hope it all works for your sake, but if he starts up again, don't be rluctant to go back to the police.

Original poster
CharlieBrookerScowl · 15/07/2014 03:56

You'd be terrified if a 6 foot 2 banana with a face came at you in the dark!

He just posted that. Prick Shock

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 15/07/2014 04:07

Haven't read much OP'but if he does approach dressed as a banana, in the dark or not, call 999 and report instead of 101. Hope he gets the message soon.

ohdearitshappeningtome · 15/07/2014 04:10

This man is now sounding seriously deranged!!

Why won't he just get a grip!

Op hope
Your ok

Original poster
CharlieBrookerScowl · 15/07/2014 04:20

I'm just Angry that he thinks this is funny. Piece of shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlieBrookerScowl · 15/07/2014 04:30

Glad I only just watched it now or I wouldn't have slept.

There I was sometimes feeling sorry for him. Cunt.

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlieBrookerScowl · 15/07/2014 04:42

*Saw, not watched!

Feeling ok now, weirdly. It made me really angry but then at the same time that's pathetic. He's 27 and feels the need to do that, in 'public'.

He's pitiful.

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlieBrookerScowl · 15/07/2014 06:04

Got some more sleep thankfully. Volunteering today (homeless charity thing, half soup kitchen half food bank) which will take my mind off stuff Smile

Everything seems worse at night. It was only a week ago he was sending me essays about how much he loved me/how beautiful and amazing I was/how much he missed me blah blah. He's just throwing his toys out the pram...aged 27 Grin

I pity his next girlfriend Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlieBrookerScowl · 15/07/2014 07:09

His ex before last has heard what's happened and sent me a message.

Said he wasn't quite that bad but pretty weird with her when they split so just to tell me he'll give up eventually and she's sorry to hear he's been like that.

There you go then!

OP posts:
PlumpPartridge · 15/07/2014 07:39

Gosh, you live in a very.... connected place! Nice of the ex to get in touch though. Solidarity is a fine thing Grin

Also, it's reassurance that you are not somehow imagining it, given the lack of support from nearly everyone else....

Original poster
CharlieBrookerScowl · 15/07/2014 07:45

Yeah, that's facebook and being in your 20s for you. Been so tempted to deactivate mine but I use it to keep in contact with relatives that aren't local and have (private) pics of DS on there for them etc.

At least this message was nice Smile Sort of!

OP posts:
tribpot · 15/07/2014 07:55

Well that was at least actually a message of support, but did you change your settings to make it somewhat harder for non-friends to contact you?

It may also help you to know that this is just what he does, it doesn't mean you have broken his heart and he will never recover. He's just a twat.

But you do need not to be looking at his Facebook profile. He has constructed a fantasy about how the relationship ended with him as the wronged innocent. It won't help you to see that played out on FB.

I would have a big cull of friends or think about setting up a second profile which is just for very close friends and family.

Original poster
CharlieBrookerScowl · 15/07/2014 08:04

Yeah, I just looked when he was at his worst to see if it gave anything away. I've deactivated the extra account.

I've changed settings so they go to my 'other' folder and I can delete them without reading them.

OP posts:
unrealhousewife · 15/07/2014 12:12

I would keep as many messages as possible because they will be useful to police if things escalate. I'm hoping they don't but if this happened to the ex before last, to the extent that she got in touch with you, means there is a pattern. All of this may seem irrelevant to you now but if a professional sees all the pieces of the jigsaw they might want to err on the side of caution and give you more backup.

Also the police probably have to justify the reasons why they need to protect someone, they will have priorities, so all the details will help them do their job properly.

PedantMarina · 15/07/2014 15:56

Yep, I second that. Every time I hear somebody say, in all innocence "delete and block", I want to safe in and scream "don't delete!" maybe with one of those action film slo-mo "Nooaaaoooowwwwww".

It may still be an issue that you'll need to show emails, either from him or others (either on his behalf or from that ex) which may well tip the balance of police, etc, involvement. And, not to put too fine a point on it, but esp if you're in a small connected community, not only might you need to keep the evidence for your own purposes, but maybe even for the next girlfriend. I know you say you pity who that may be, but perhaps your insight and strength might be put to more practical purpose some day as the ex did for you. Your ex may be easing off on stalking you (my lips to the gods' ears), but that doesn't mean he's changed his spots.

Of course, there's no responsibility for you to do this. But I am always am advocate of solidarity, whenever possible.

Stay strong! Hey, what was the result of combining about twunt WPC? Enquiring minds want to know!

PedantMarina · 15/07/2014 15:57

wade, not safe. damn phone...

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