Did I do the right things by threatening to contact the police or was I OTT?

[CharlieBrookerScowl]

Broke up with my ex 3 and a half weeks ago. We'd been together almost 2yrs. At first he was angry and that was fine. I was very clear, everytime he asked in that first week, that it was 100% over. I had many reasons and felt he'd never change and I'd been very stressed and unhappy for months before.

The second week I'd asked him not to contact me and then got a few texts after that but he eventually left it. After lots of emotionally manipulative texts. I'm talking long essays about how sad he is/misses me & DS (not his and he was crap with him when we were together)/his family are upset/other kids keep asking after DS.

Then yesterday, after a week and a half of no contact (thank god, I thought that was it) he contacted me out of the blue with another guilt-trippy essay and begged me to just talk to him for a few minutes. It caught me off guard so I stupidly agreed as he said he just wanted to ask after DS etc (I am such a bloody idiot). He almost managed to talk me into meeting yesterday but I just said I couldn't handle it/didn't trust him not to try and beat me submission (not physically!) like he had been since we split. He really seemed to think enough harassment would win me back!

He sent lots of texts that I ignored after that begging to come over for just fifteen minutes and I was actually really creeped out all night. It was crap and every sound had me on edge (I live in a ground floor flat and needed the windows open as it was so hot)!

I replied in the morning saying please don't contact me. I asked you not to contact me before. To which he sent another essay begging to come over/we need to be together/give it a chance and I just saw red. I don't want to feel scared in my own home!! So I threatened to call 101 (and meant it). Was sent a reply along the lines of 'I can't believe you'd threaten that when I'm just telling you I love you' Err I asked you not to contact me twice, in plain terms and you're scaring me. He has form for ignoring me wrt to boundary issues anyway.

I wasn't being OTT was I!?

[CharlieBrookerScowl]

Thank you

On to better things I think!

[AdoraBell]

Glad it's calmed down. Best of luck for the future.

[Jux]

So glad it's gone quiet.

Hope you get a good home in a nice area and wishing you all good things for the future.

Don't hesitate to post again if you need to. But you won't need to

[Meerka]

good to hear it's settled down :)

[unrealhousewife]

Glad to hear that you're feeling safe and settled now.

[CharlieBrookerScowl]

Just to say I'm hiding the thread now as everything's died down and I think I can finally just get on with things now

I just wanted to pop on quickly beforehand to say thank you for all the brilliant advice/support from people on here. It really helped at a very crappy time

[CharlieBrookerScowl]

Yeah, the police officer said she'd told him family/friends getting involved would still be taken seriously and I'm not sure he's that stupid. I've called the police twice and anymore obviously from him/with him behind it and I'd push to get him arrested/taken etc.

Glad I won't really have to deal with it after today though. I don't think they'd be stupid enough to turn up, plus only ex knows where I live.

[tribpot]

Not beyond the wit of man for him to tell her not to stay involved by order of the police, though, is it? Just because she did before the police had a word doesn't make it acceptable that she did so after.

I'd let the police know, but leave it there. Glad the night has been peaceful.

[CharlieBrookerScowl]

The police warned ex that getting third parties involved is still not legally 'on'. But his sister got involved way before the police were involved a few weeks back and is generally a busybody so it's very likely that's just her, going on his side of the story etc.

Nothing this morning/last night though

[unrealhousewife]

And by tomorrow they'll have to show up at my house to harass me, which I'm sure the police will think is hi-lariouuuuuus

That's precisely why I think you should let them think they are contacting you by leaving things as open as you can without actually reading the stuff. let it sit and accumulate and let the police read it all at a later date.

If they have no-one to vent to they might well just do that and come round. He is clearly putting quite a lot of pressure on people to try and talk you round. He can't bear that he's not in control any more. Allowing him to vent to a dead sim card will give him time to simmer down and come to terms with being a loser.

I don't know, that's my view. And I would put up Hissy's post, perhaps a more restrained neutral version but yes- clarify the legal position to them.

[tribpot]

I know what you mean, Hissy - you do wonder what the hell is the point of being dignified and rising above, when you've got an entire bunch of tossers doing anything but all around you!

[Hissy]

Fair point. I did say seriously tempted... it was all I thought about doing when my flaming mother and her hideous H came battering down my doors one time. 'But she's your mother...

;)

Wonder if telling the housing people that you're suffering harassment might speed things up further?

[CharlieBrookerScowl]

Didn't think of that actually. Probably best I do.

[tribpot]

Ah, I wonder if you could pop in there to report it so they're not having to come out to you. Good news about the housing situation, though!

[CharlieBrookerScowl]

May keep the old SIM card but never use it (unless they find another way to contact me in which case I can use i'll check the SIM and may be able to use any further texts as evidence)

But it's gone 100% quiet on exes front, thankfully.

[CharlieBrookerScowl]

Yeah maybe, but they have to come visit me even if I just log something.

I don't see how they can do it once I've changed numbers, they'll grow bored and think I'm just ignoring it entirely (well I am ignoring it but you know what I mean). Plus I got the news that I can bid for a different place now (on the hsouing register) so me and DS should be moving very soon as we're overcrowded and the place we're in is in 'disrepair' (not that bad to look at but is coming down next year with all the others on the street) so we have extra points, which means it'll be a fast process

Quite excited!

[tribpot]

I'd be tempted to notify them but ask them not to take action at this stage. I think this will look better than waiting til next time and then saying 'well there was this other time she contacted me but I didn't do anything about that'.

[CharlieBrookerScowl]

Agree with Trib. Plus my FB is mostly for close friends and family anyway and you can't see my wall unless we're 'friends' so only they would see it.

If his sister contacts me again though I will be reporting.

[CharlieBrookerScowl]

I think anyone with any sense will know that's the case. Anyone stupid enough to think the police can't sniff out the difference between drama-queen BS and genuine harassment or who thinks I would stoop to that level isn't actually worth my time.

Though it is tempting

[tribpot]

Only if the OP wants a Facebook flame war, Hissy. That really is inviting a barrage of second accounts and abuse (and I'm sure the police would warn Charlie against doing anything public about the situation - the message is tantamount to contacting him through third parties, the same thing he has been doing to her).

[Hissy]

I'd be seriously tempted to put a fuck FB status that says

'If there is anyone else who thinks it's ok to threaten me, harass me, or berate me for making a wise decision given his treatment of me or if there is anyone still waiting to tell me that my EXBOYFRIEND is a lovely man, a poor thing, heartbroken blah, blah, be aware that there are 2 sides to every story; the truth, and what you've been told. Remember that the police don't warn people for harassment without a LOT of evidence. Suffice to say he does have form for this, it's not the first time, and sadly won't be the last for some poor woman. I however won't put up with any of the above anymore.

[CharlieBrookerScowl]

They can't contact me on FB due to being premptively blocked (and haven't yet had any of them bother making new profiles to do it on so I doubt they would).

Yeah, tbh his family aren't all that bright they're very shouty and have been petty about other stuff in the past and I think they just believed him. Don't think they realize that the police don't issue warnings to 6"2 bananas

It is like trying to leave the Mafia...But just makes me so relieved I'm out of it well pretty much!

Tbh he's not contacting me and that's all I'm bothered by. My skin isn't that thin and they're just being pathetic by getting involved.

And by tomorrow they'll have to show up at my house to harass me, which I'm sure the police will think is hi-lariouuuuuus

[ItHasANiceRingWhenYouLaugh]

I do think to myself in these situations, 'What if my brother had been told to stop harassing an ex? Would I call them and tell them off?'

No! Even if I really felt like it! Obviously that would be a bad idea! For so many reasons!

[tribpot]

My Christ, it's like a cult. They seem desperate not to let you get away.

That said, having only heard his version of the story I can see why his sister might feel aggrieved you've had the police out twice on her poor, innocent brother. But surely to god she can see that by harassing you herself she's just helping to make it three times.

If they are contacting you via Facebook - and it really is impossible to prevent unsolicited messages now, which I think is disgraceful - I think maybe you do need to shut your profile down for a while. I know that seems completely unfair, but it doesn't have to be forever.

[CharlieBrookerScowl]

*new SIM, not phone!

Means a new number thankfully.