I think he's lying...but why?

[moonegirl]

In dh's phone I came across a text conversation from a male colleague he used to work with about eight yrs ago. (We regularly use each other's phones, for calls, texts, check each other's calendars. This is NOT a issue for us, we have always done this)
The texts were very friendly and about this specific job my dh is going to next week, the texts ended with kisses both from dh and the colleague.

I was surprised to see this old colleague had texted dh as he hadn't been mentioned for years and I didn't know they still crossed paths and dh would have mentioned this I think.

So I mentioned the texts to dh, just happy that they were working together again, and dh said yes he had moved teams and was involved in the job next week. I mentioned jokily about the kisses and dh laughed it off.

This is where my imagination took over, the context of the texts just don't add up. It was all work related but very detailed and the job the colleague does wouldn't know some of the detail.
(I have to be vague about the job as it is very sensitive)

For some reason my gut feeling is that the text was from a female colleague but he's put her under this old colleagues name.
The texts would make sense then as he and this female colleague work closely together a lot of the time.

Three years ago after our dc2 was born, we had issues where do had become distant and uninterested and I suspected he had become close to this female colleague which he denied.
I was suffering from pnd at the time and our relationship was under a lot of strain. He doesn't have this female colleagues phone number in his phone under her name.
Dh has continued to work with this female colleague since then and I've not had any issues with this and accepted they were just colleagues.

Dh deleted all the texts as soon as I'd looked at them, later I noted down the number and rang it from my phone as withheld but it said number unrecognised. So I think he's changed the number in his phone also.

I don't know what to do from here, I can't really bring my suspicions up as I have no proof but my intuition is screaming something isn't right.

Relationship wise were really solid and happy, I don't know if I'm barking up the wrong tree, this is so unlike me to write the number down and be untrusting etc but it's really nagging away at me.
What would you do?

I would tell him your hypothesis and judge his reaction for yourself.

The number being unrecognised is a bit suspicious are you sure you had wrote it down correctly.

I always say listen to your instinct. Listen to what your guy is telling you.

Gut!!!! Not guy!!

I would be listening still to gut instinct.

His behaviour three years ago was suspicious and he has continued to be in contact with this female work colleague. He likely has her number under a male person's name. He is still continuing to be familiar with her, all these kisses on messages are not good and boundaries here by him are becoming blurred.

Does your DH routinely put kisses on texts to male colleagues? This is what would ring the alarm bells for me as it's something DH would never ever do to a male colleague.

Actions speak louder than words. If there was nothing to worry about he would not have changed the number details in his phone. I would be really suspicious too, but I guess it depends if you need absolute proof it may be hard as he now knows you have some doubts/suspicions. Sorry, it must be very worrying.

Does he also routinely delete messages?

Why don't you ring this male colleague from your DH's phone and listen who picks up?

I'm 100% I wrote the number down right as I double checked after it said the number was unrecognised the first time.

Dh would never put kisses on a text to a male colleague, he wouldn't even do it in a text to his mum.
But when I mentioned the kisses, he laughed it off like "ha ha I know I'll have to speak to him about that and I didn't even realise I was doing it."

I feel like I can't ask him outright as I have no basis on to do so, I can't say well why is the number now unrecognised because he would know I had taken it from his phone and tried ringing which is abit too far, I feel like I have crossed the line in doing that.

I said to him last night, is there anything you want to talk to me about, or tell me the truth about but he said no and went all huffy.

Nunybiz - I did ring the number that the text was from but it says number not recognised so I can only presume dh must have changed it.
Or there's a reasonable explanation I'm not seeing?

Honestly I would ask him outright but the whole thing is absurd.
If I was reading this, I would be thinking I'm glad I don't have a relationship like that.

The only thing I have to go on is;
*It is unlikely that this old male colleague would be on this job next week and know so much about it.
*Dh would have mentioned that the old colleague was on the job
*the number now saying its unrecognised
*gut feeling

We're you also matey with the old male colleague, perhaps suggest inviting him over for dinner/a drink after they worked together (or not) that day?

Offer to text him the invite from DH's phone.

I would be very, very suspicious tbh

How can he have changed the phone number of his colleague?

It is odd that he has put kisses to anyone he works with, especially as he doesn't do that to other people.

I thought a female colleague stored under a different name by the time I got to the end of your second paragraph.

Changing the number in his phone just confirms that it's not what he says. He's probably changed the last digit.

Me personally, I'd just confront him. Ask him to phone the number and then when it doesn't work, ask him to phone the 'real' number. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

Oh sorry I thought when you said that it was back 3 years ago you rang. That's very strange. Was it after you mentioned you noticed the text that you called the number? If that's the case that would set off huge alarm bells for me.

Is he staying away at the job next week?

Sorry, did you ring the number to see who picked up

moonegirl,

re your comment in quote marks:-

"But when I mentioned the kisses, he laughed it off like "ha ha I know I'll have to speak to him about that and I didn't even realise I was doing it."

Your H and this particular male individual have not worked together for a number of years so why would these two be communicating at all now?. I would automatically assume that your H is lying. The kisses are particularly damning and apart from anything else have no place in work related messages. Far too much overfamiliarity and a blurring of boundaries on his part as well as hers.

"I feel like I can't ask him outright as I have no basis on to do so, I can't say well why is the number now unrecognised because he would know I had taken it from his phone and tried ringing which is abit too far, I feel like I have crossed the line in doing that".

You feel like you've crossed a line but you were looking because your suspicions were already raised. He has done this before. He will likely continue to deny and minimise which is what he has done here. You did the right thing not to ignore it and besides which his behaviour here is far more suspicious overall. I would think the problems stemming from three years ago have not been at all resolved fully and it may have been the same lady then. Do you at heart think your relationship today is really solid and happy?.

"I said to him last night, is there anything you want to talk to me about, or tell me the truth about but he said no and went all huffy".
Why did he go all huffy?. He's well on the defensive.

Sounds a bit off to me. Ask your DH outright.

This doesn't look good. I think I would wait. I think in a couple of days he will say 'what a shame, male colleague isn't doing the job next week.'

I also think he will have changed the last digit. I would try it again, changing the last digit to 0 then 1 then 2 and so on.

Very suspicious!

But what if she does get through? It's difficult....

Does he get paper billing or can you access billing on-line for his phone? I think you will find a similar number to the one you have which is probably frequently used.

I think you need to tell him outright that you know he is having an affair.

You have enough proof and you do not want to be dragged down the road where he makes you feel as though you are over reacting and making things up.

For example, you know that number worked because he had a text exchange stored on the phone. So he has changed it to stop you checking it and deleted the messages. There is no other explanation, sorry