I think he's lying...but why?

[moonegirl]

In dh's phone I came across a text conversation from a male colleague he used to work with about eight yrs ago. (We regularly use each other's phones, for calls, texts, check each other's calendars. This is NOT a issue for us, we have always done this)
The texts were very friendly and about this specific job my dh is going to next week, the texts ended with kisses both from dh and the colleague.

I was surprised to see this old colleague had texted dh as he hadn't been mentioned for years and I didn't know they still crossed paths and dh would have mentioned this I think.

So I mentioned the texts to dh, just happy that they were working together again, and dh said yes he had moved teams and was involved in the job next week. I mentioned jokily about the kisses and dh laughed it off.

This is where my imagination took over, the context of the texts just don't add up. It was all work related but very detailed and the job the colleague does wouldn't know some of the detail.
(I have to be vague about the job as it is very sensitive)

For some reason my gut feeling is that the text was from a female colleague but he's put her under this old colleagues name.
The texts would make sense then as he and this female colleague work closely together a lot of the time.

Three years ago after our dc2 was born, we had issues where do had become distant and uninterested and I suspected he had become close to this female colleague which he denied.
I was suffering from pnd at the time and our relationship was under a lot of strain. He doesn't have this female colleagues phone number in his phone under her name.
Dh has continued to work with this female colleague since then and I've not had any issues with this and accepted they were just colleagues.

Dh deleted all the texts as soon as I'd looked at them, later I noted down the number and rang it from my phone as withheld but it said number unrecognised. So I think he's changed the number in his phone also.

I don't know what to do from here, I can't really bring my suspicions up as I have no proof but my intuition is screaming something isn't right.

Relationship wise were really solid and happy, I don't know if I'm barking up the wrong tree, this is so unlike me to write the number down and be untrusting etc but it's really nagging away at me.
What would you do?

Was Kate the one you suspected or was it Anne? Betting it was Anne and they are getting their stories straight before he passes on her number

still waiting for the women's number who I had an inkling about three years ago. he doesn't seem so forthcoming about that

So he claims he doesn't know who he's been texting and it could have been either of two different women??? hmm...

Moon, I don't know how you're keeping your patience!! Playing along, letting him pretend he didnt know who it was...the absolute cheek of it. Totally taking you for an idiot, which you're very clearly not!!!!!

I bet he isn't forth coming.

He is trying to treat you like an idiot. Are you going to let him?

My guess is not .

Great minds, mamma.! I hadn't seen your post when I posted.

I can keep my patience because it's like interacting with a five year old!

well if I need to turn up tomorrow and make a big scene, so be it.
I just wish I'd lost that stone extra I'm carrying so I could look fabulous while doing it.

I've given 12yrs to this sneaky bastard and I'm not prepared to let him get away with anything

Do you feel you could say something like: My DH has confessed that your relationship has been less than professional....I want to know your version of events before I get the ....boss/HR involved?

oh yes originally he said he wasn't sure who it was, Anne or Kate. Then he's said it was Anne who texted and given me her number.
Still waiting for kates number (that's the one I had an inkling about three yrs ago), as I don't see why I should just take his word for it

Do you know them (Anne and Kate), as in socially moonegirl?

no, only ever seen them briefly when he's been at work

His excuse that she is just a work colleague isn't all that convincing - what led you to this discovery was that, when you read the texts, they just didn't sound like a work colleague conversation. If the texts are purely worky, and the only thing reason he had for hiding who it was was because you'd get the wrong impression, then how come you were able to spot that they didn't smell right, EVEN when you thought they came from a male colleague?

Also, what you an do when you get the actual number is check it against phone records. Also, has he let you see his emails and fb?

Wonder how long it'll take him before he tells you he can't get Anne's number...and what the reason will be?

he says if I ring Anne, she will tell me it was her who sent the texts so why do I need to ring Kate. which sort of makes sense.

he isn't on fb and only has a work email which I can't see

Right, so now he knows for definite it was Anne? Funny, he said before he 'didn't know' who he was texting.

He is STILL lying to you.

The thing that makes sense is that you are feeling upset by his deceit and he should be doing anything you ask to reassure you and help you get past this. You have asked him for both numbers. He should be giving you both numbers.

However, just having their numbers means that if ever either of them ring again, you will know who it is, as you can check the number.

How friendly is he with Anne...do you think it's possible she would cover for him? Or is he calling your bluff? Is it like you to confront? Do im you think he gave you one number and took a risk you wouldn't use it...

I would get them both and then contact your phone supplier and ask for a print out of who he has been calling for the last months. Then see how much contact there really has been.

"he says if I ring Anne, she will tell me it was her who sent the texts so why do I need to ring Kate. which sort of makes sense."

Is it possible one would cover for the other should she be messing about with your husband?

Ladyintheradiator - errrr you don't have a very well developed sense of irony do you??

(bangs head against wall repeatedly)

Moonegirl, I would ask him to ring them himself, with the speaker on. Yu should be able to suss out whether their conversations sound stranged at all... Esp with Kate. I would think he's already set out the conversation with the other one...

that's an interesting thought sheba I'll have a think about that.

Anne and Kate are work colleagues too, but I can't imagine dh discussing this with them unless he had to. there's no way it would be kept a secret and dh would hate his private life being privy to everyone

Just call the office switchboard and ask to speak to Kate. Then ask her to call you back from a private room (in case she works in an open plan office).

Good luck

Yes!! Longtallsally is right!! I have been reading the thread, switching between "this sounds dodgy" to "maybe she's overreacting??" And back to "nope, definitely dodgy!!" And what everyone is forgetting is that he should be trying to put you at ease, not being a weirdo about it! You've already said OP that you don't have the kind of relationship where you have lots of secrets so as much as he's entitled to a bit of privacy, YOU are entitled to feel like you are in a secure relationship. If like you say, you're not normally paranoid, then go with your gut and demand some answers. If you're not happy after that, do some more digging. Plenty of brilliant advice on here for that!

Ask him to log on to his phone account so you can see his phone records. If he has nothing to hide he will do it right away. I think he will bluster, and say something along the lines that he has nothing to prove and refuse.