handfulofcottonbuds thread continued

[handfulofcottonbuds]

My previous threads have reached their limits, the most recent one is whatnext074 is now cotton

I joined MN last October, I was desperate and worried for my sanity after my husband left me for OW. I have received the most incredible support from MN and truly believe I have been saved at least one night by those who stayed up with me messaging me.

I have gone through a whole range of feelings throughout this process and still am to a lesser extent but hopefully I am on the home straight now.

My Decree Nisi has been granted and I am in the process of agreeing a settlement.

I still get knocked but my MN friends and lurkers have given me so much strength - thank you xx

You know I lurk a lot. I only found mn in April. We are in such a similar situation - it's incredible. Without reading back, how long have you been separated? No need to reply tonight.

We are such strong women. Thank you for your posts. You have really helped me.

Read about FWH's behaviour earlier. Oh honestly! Tears? Really? It's the same as thief who isn't sorry he stole but is really sorry he got caught!

Personally, I think you need to download the old torch song "Cry Me a River" and put it on repeat tomorrow when he's there:

"Now you say you're sorry
For being so untrue
Well, you can cry me a river, cry me a river
I cried, a river over you

You drove me, nearly drove me, out of my head
While you never shed a tear
Remember, I remember, all that you said
You told me love was too plebeian
Told me you were through with me

If my pillow could talk, imagine what it would have said
Could it be a river of tears I cried in bed?
So you can cry me a river
Daddy, go ahead and cry that river
'Cause I cried a river over you"

You are doing amazingly well.

Oooh new thread. I'd love to
Come round tomorrow but as you can see, it's stupid o'clock and I've been out dancing. I'd be neither use nor ornament to you..but I could turn up smelling a bit .

I hope you galvanise yourself tomorrow. Someone once said to me 'put on your armour' ... That's what you need yo do . Your emotional armour. Repeat 'you can't penetrate me'. Yeah, I know that sounds weird but you know what I mean.

Its pretty low of him to come round to your space and cry . He put the phone down on you when you cried .

Seriously, if he tries it tomorrow and you feel you must say something try

A) look I don't go round to your house crying so don't do it here

Or b) would you like me to call OW to collect you as you're obviously in a state.

Pah. Really, he's not worth your breath. I'll go to sleep now

As redundant says no breath necessary. His will stink. Just breathe.

nespresso - we separated last September but things changed almost overnight at the end of June and then 2 months of hell followed before I found out about OW. We were together almost 11 years and were one of the closest married couples.

Today I have woken with a cracking headache, so bad. Here we go again....

Morning Handful,

I not surprised you have a bad head with all the stress of yesterday and more to come today.

I will pop in and out today as out and about today.

Urgh, I don't know why you're putting yourself through this, cotton (sorry to bleat on! It must be annoying..). Tell him you'll see him next tuesday when you're feeling more up to it.

BUT, you are putting yourself through it! so: drink lots of water, b-r-e-a-t-h-e right down into your stomach, regularly; take some panadol (or whatever does it for you). then perfect a bored expression. I love the words of that 'cry me a river' song, so apt for you. He is a slimeball, his tears are crocodile, all for poor-pity him. He's worked out that the financial consequences are about to crunch home and, instead of absorbing that he's splattering it all over YOU - god forbid that he should take it on himself and face it for what it is. What a crud.

Poor, poor him eh, he won't be able to shmooze his bit of stuff with showers of money because that bad ex is going to steal it all from him BOO HOO.

He'll be pulling out all the stops today, probably swinging between 'bitter' tears and aggression towards bad you. God, I could punch him. He really is the pits.

Morning my lovely,

It's beautiful sunshine here...I'd it in your neck of the woods?? If so, I propose you spend a lovely day in your garden today. You can potter around and give it a tidy up and then sit and enjoy yourself, book, I pod, sun, glass of vino.

As r and b says "do not let him penetrate" (does sound weird) but put that armour on and detach. Take yourself right out of the situation. It's just a man, coming to do some jobs. You could actually get yourself into a zone and treat him just like a workman.

Personally, if he started crying I'd ask him to leave. Too much, way too bloody much. As I said yesterday "cry me a fucking river".

Much love, big hug x

Good morning lovely. It is a smashing day here so I have decided to spend it all outside on my new swing seat in my kaftan. mamma has the right idea (as always ).

Thank you all - and spring, I said to him yesterday that I could slap him!

Wonder if the tears have dried up today, surely he can't do it 2 days running?

My head has eased, I slept for another 30 minutes and took a tablet.

Yesterday, through his tears, he said that when he put the money into my account for the skip, I didn't even thank him!! No text, no email, nothing! That's shocked me the most - I was clearing his shit!

Yes, is beautiful and sunny here but he'll be chopping wood or whatever in the garden. Still haven't put my cabinet together though. I'm so tired, it's exhausting.

I don't know why I'm putting myself through it either

You don't have to put yourself through it though. You have a choice. Just tell him No.

You didn't thank him for the skip money - that you had to organise, get family in to clear his shit, give up your free time- really, how positively amiss of you?

You can tell I'm
Pissed off with his comments? - I have an excellent facial expression that I would have used in these circumstances ... It's a blank face with a perfectly raised one eyebrow. It's 'my look'. Get yourself a look that say 'fuck off matey boy - you are seriously pushing your luck'.

Works every time

He's turned up wearing the same clothes as yesterday!!

I just want the work done. He's not talking again today, probably had a pep talk from OW.

Do you know something, I'm probably playing roulette with my feelings but in a weird way, I am using this weekend as a measure of my strength. I'm not sure if that makes sense but it's been an incredibly long and painful process to get to here and I am probably testing myself. So far, I'm doing okay x

R&B - is the look like this ?

You didn't say Thankyou.... Wtf?????

I honestly think that some people just do not view the situation in the same way we do. For instance, he is viewing this as a break-up , a divorce. He isn't seeing it as you are, something done to you, an affair, a betrayal. He truly doesn't get how you are feeling. He is so far up his own arse he seriously doesn't understand why you wouldn't say thank you. He's lucky you didn't hire a skip to drop on his head!

Growing old...I'm in the garden too, but in my baggy old pyjama bottoms and vest top. Not quite as glam as your kaftan :)

Haha to him wearing the same clothes- minging!!!

That ow landed herself a right catch.

You're right- look how far you've come. You are amazing.

I understand the 'testing yourself'. You want to know that you can see and hold a conversation with him without dissolving in tears or begging him to come back or let him know what you are planning via the solicitors. If you can do that, your confidence will increase.

You know he is not your friend; hell, not even an acquaintance because you've not seen him for such a long time. Think of him as an unsavoury workman, there to do a job but skanky. He is playing a game, and now you know what the rules are, you'll so 'whip his ass'!

Will be keeping you company today, too. Going to see 'Malificent' with the kids, but will be thinking of you.....

Keep safe, but stay away from the hot pants (told you I was a lurker!).

Thank you moggle x

He is playing a game and I told him that this isn't a game and he needs to place the importance on this process that it requires. I told him I'm not listening to him saying, "this is all new to me" as he must have thought through all possible outcomes from starting an affair and throwing away 11 years of love, not to mention a step son and a loving wider family. Whereas this was landed on me and I've had to learn quickly.

I reminded his selective memory that he said to me at the start of this that he is 10 steps ahead of me and I'm playing catch up. Well FWH - catch up to me now!!

To quote the much missed Hullygully 'He's horrible.Kill him'. Sorry handful but what a complete and utter twat.Get stronger soon love. Mx.

Hallelujah! Hear her roar. I am so proud of you cotton. You are so far ahead of him that he will never catch up. You are coming first in a totally different race to him.

I am sitting here in my very non glam kaftan with a big grin on my face on your behalf.

Go cotton, go cotton , go cotton.

It is all part of the script! Find it on relationships and read it!

Honest. It is amazing how they all follow it to a tee.

If you can find it and read it while he is there you lip will curl at him as you realise it.

magoria - sadly I know the script inside out x

You didn't thank him?????
Don't know whether to laugh or cry! He's as nutty as a squirrels shit.

I second what Growingold says.

I like your anger, it will help you heal.
And it will help you toss his sorry arse from here to eternity.

And by the way... tell him you'll say 'thank you' when he's finally out of your life for good. If that's all he can find to complain about, he's pathetic.

Take care today. xx

nutty as a squirrel's shit

Might use that.

I used the 'f' word yesterday, he looked shocked - he's not used to me swearing. New me, it helps sometimes.

I have no idea what he's doing today, he just seems to be thinking up work when there are other more important things to get done.

I'm starting to put my cabinet together, so far I've laid the pieces out - it's so confusing. Might make a coffee!