handfulofcottonbuds thread continued

[handfulofcottonbuds]

My previous threads have reached their limits, the most recent one is whatnext074 is now cotton

I joined MN last October, I was desperate and worried for my sanity after my husband left me for OW. I have received the most incredible support from MN and truly believe I have been saved at least one night by those who stayed up with me messaging me.

I have gone through a whole range of feelings throughout this process and still am to a lesser extent but hopefully I am on the home straight now.

My Decree Nisi has been granted and I am in the process of agreeing a settlement.

I still get knocked but my MN friends and lurkers have given me so much strength - thank you xx

[mammadiggingdeep]

Love the fact you used the F bomb. Brilliant.

Sod the coffee and make it a nice cold vino. It's passed mid day now....

[mrscraig]

Have a coffee. Keep breathing. You're doing brilliantly.
His malingering is more self pitying behaviour. Let him get on with it. He is doing such a wonderful job of helping you heal by acting like such an arse. His OW is one lucky lady. You reap what you sow.

[handfulofcottonbuds]

I'll leave the wine until tonight mamma x

My Pilates breathing is coming in very handy. I don't feel anxious at all, just tired and would love to sleep for an hour.

Oh, and I've curled my hair today and am looking casual in vest and jeans, he's never seen my hair curled. I just want to be completely different from how I was. He is completely different too but in an unwashed way. Mabe it's his way of showing that he is poor.

Stupid cabinet!

[mammadiggingdeep]

You're doing so well. You can hold your head up. Many moons ago u told you that you can't keep a good woman down. That's what you're showing him this weekend.

You're tired because you've been stressed and in edge for 2 says now. As soon as he goes today you can breath a sigh of relief and relax xx

[springydaffs]

Blimey, how different we all are! I'm breaking out in a cold sweat at the thought of any kind of emotional roulette, but I'm not made of the same stuff! There is no way I could do that, no way in a million years. BUT we're all different and I can see that this could be a huge turning point for you, one to balance the scales. As you say, 'catch up with me now FWH!'

I'm amazed at you, cotton, absolutely amazed. You could run a country ffs - dang, you could run a fucking CONTINENT

[mogglemoo]

How's the cabinet coming along?

[redundantandbitter]

It can't be nice for you. It's emotionally stressful and draining.. Hope you get a quiet night tonight?

If he's making up jobs and being shit then approach him with a own and paper and say ' look there's only x hours left today and I would like this, this and that finishing before you leave- can you manage that?'.

Pin him down to a schedule and negotiate if you have to, but it's your house- you are in charge. REPEAT YOU ARE IN CHARGE!

and breathe .. (Not near him obvs)

[redundantandbitter]

'Pen and paper'

[AcrossthePond55]

Heh heh, redundant I read your typo as 'a gun and paper'. Still, not a bad idea……..

[mammadiggingdeep]

Yay to the typo's...

Typing carefully and correctly is sooooo last season

[redundantandbitter]

Oooh now 'gun and paper' gives it a whole different flavour..perhaps use a banana covered by a tea towel instead .... Though that could look just bizarre...

Ok, pen it is.

[handfulofcottonbuds]

He's gone. Was very quiet but we spoke for 5 minutes before he went, he cried and said he'll always be sorry. I calmly said he should cry to OW as it's not fair to do it every time he sees me. He started crying more. I said I don't understand because he got what he wanted and he said he wasn't thinking straight last year and he hasn't got what he wanted. He just kept saying he was sorry and then left.

That's it, that's how it ends.

[redundantandbitter]

Ok, I appreciate that would pull at my heart strings. I'm a big old softy (really I am) and would find it hard not to put my arms around someone in tears ,.. Anyone..

It's crap that he can't just face up to the consequences of what he has done . He should be keeping his 'I wasn't thinking straight' comments to himself.

Are you ok chicken?x

[Clutterbugsmum]

No he hasn't got what he wanted. You are supposed to be a wimpering mess in the corner begging him to come back, and that you would do annnnnnnnything to keep him happy.

Instead, you went and got on with your life and is making a much better job of it the he/they are. Well done you are doing a very good job of moving on.

He on the other hand is doing everything he can to stop you, with his tramp like look, smelly and crying. Moaning how he has know money. None of it is your problem it is all theirs. Get you divorce, finances sorted and then you never have to see him again.

[Clutterbugsmum]

Sorry your not you divorce.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Horrible moment handful :(

It doesn't make it easier to hear he's apologies.

Hug x

[Nevergrowingup]

He's gone and you can now relax. Those last five minutes sound awful. Take care of yourself, its another step forward even if it feels it isn't.

Hug x

[Nevergrowingup]

What he means by 'he hasn't got what he wanted'... he means that he hasn't got what he wanted... yet.

Don't be fooled by him. He knows what he did to you in those early months and he continued to hurt you.

Remember that the person he was last in touch with was you, 6/8 months ago. That's not the same person you are today. He's feeling sorry for himself and I am sure he will find his mojo when he receives your financial proposal.

All those cryptic comments at the end are manipulative. Work them through your system then dump them. x

[AcrossthePond55]

I'm sorry, I have zero sympathy for people who make life decisions without a thought to how they affect the people in their lives. I understand that marriages breakdown. But there is a way to end a marriage and leave your partner with some consideration for their feelings. Cheating is wrong, end of. Nothing justifies it and he deserves whatever he gets

So what even if he does have 'regrets'? Too late now, IMO. Beyond the personal 'satisfaction' of being able to say "So, you want me now? Well, f**k you, buddy. I'd as soon bed a tarantula", who cares?

Of course he hasn't 'got what he wanted'! What he wanted was the OW to shag & you to keep the home fires burning! But now the cake he wanted to keep & eat too has been shoved down his throat. Doesn't taste so good now, does it, mister?

Typical 'dog in the manger'. It was fine as long as he could see you were 'pining away'. But now you've realized you're better off without him his itty-witty baby ego has been 'bwuised'. Diddums, boo hoo!

His sad face & pathetic 'woe is me' tears will stop when he gets your solicitor's letter, that's for sure. All of a sudden his 'regrets' will dry up, along with those crocodile tears, you mark my words!

handful, you just keep your eyes on the prize! And it sure ain't HIM!!!

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Thank you all, I fell asleep as soon as he left again. Can't believe how exhausted I am this weekend.

I did say to him that he looked like shit and he looked surprised at that. I said I don't even now if his look is all an act. He said that he can't get over what he's done and he can't believe he caused so much pain. I said that long term, he's done me a favour and I asked whether it was worth it.

I said before he left that I would have always been there for him and that I meant every word of my vows but in a few weeks, I would be getting my name back. I'm glad I got an opportunity to say that in a calm moment.

nevergrowingup - I agree with your post. I don't doubt he's tormented by his actions in some way and I question whether things are rosy for him at home (I don't care), but he was desperate to always bring it back to my financial proposal under the guise of he just wants me to be okay. He is manipulative - I believe he is also majorly screwed up.

What a pointless waste - so much unnecessary pain and heart ache.

[nespressofan]

Gosh you're being so strong. I haven't seen h since October. I think I would cave. He passed me along the road, with OW in MY seat on Friday. My knees just buckled.

[handfulofcottonbuds]

across - that's one thing he never wanted, both of us. As soon as he made his mind up and started his affair, he turned nasty to me and made plans to move but he still stayed for a further 2 months.

I asked him if he made the right decision about being with me last year and whether he still felt the same - he said he does.

I know the tears aren't to 'win' me back in any way.

[Nevergrowingup]

What a self indulgent twat he is.

I think you've said before that his DM is a piece of work. Well, it sounds as though that apple didn't fall far from the tree.

He's not a man. As AcrossthePond said, if he was then he would have shown consideration for your feelings and for those of your DS.

You have shown great courage today and your dignity will be the thing which will help you heal. It must have been difficult hearing some of his comments but don't let them eat you up. This weekend has been about putting a stake in the ground and you've done that. Whatever happens next, you know that you are in control of your life, not him. He doesn't deserve to have his opinion heard.

[springydaffs]

So he thought 'I need to work on her about the financials' - and then thought, 'how can I do that?' 'aha! I'll come over in the guise of doing work on the house. Two days should do it'.

So he starts with all the tears and the smelly and the broken [pfffft]. That doesn't have the desired effect so he goes all small and quiet and says, calmly and sincerely, that he's sorry for the pain he's caused but he hopes you won't destroy him - no, wait, take what is yours - financially

Well done for getting through it, cotton. How do you feel about serving the papers next week? Have you softened?