handfulofcottonbuds thread continued

[handfulofcottonbuds]

My previous threads have reached their limits, the most recent one is whatnext074 is now cotton

I joined MN last October, I was desperate and worried for my sanity after my husband left me for OW. I have received the most incredible support from MN and truly believe I have been saved at least one night by those who stayed up with me messaging me.

I have gone through a whole range of feelings throughout this process and still am to a lesser extent but hopefully I am on the home straight now.

My Decree Nisi has been granted and I am in the process of agreeing a settlement.

I still get knocked but my MN friends and lurkers have given me so much strength - thank you xx

[captainmummy]

Lovely to hear from you Handful. It's been a year? What a year!
I'm so glad you had the strength to stand up for yourself at work; it often is all that's needed.
Lovely that your ds has full time work to return to after his trip-of-a-lifetime.
And your new date sounds mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[optimistikcolouristik]

Handfulofcottonbuds, I have been a long-term lurker to you threads. How is everything now? Have you seen him since July? Still unkept? I hope you are doing well. Any nice dates?

[HettieBoop]

Also lurked over from last year on your threads and wanted to say I also hope you are doing well. I hope life is going on, I hope you are gaining strength with every day and I hope time is healing the scars on you.

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Thank you so much for thinking of me.

The divorce is still not finalised as he is demanding a lot of money and even suggested that he has continued to contribute to the mortgage for a year and that is 'more than generous'. He suggested that if I want to stay in the house, that I get my family to make up any shortfall - pay him off and we have a clean break! He still refuses to declare his OW's income, even though this reduces his own outgoings by 50%.

He says he has his own life now with OW and I am imposing on that with him still paying towards the house when he wants to buy a house with OW!

I haven't seen him since May, I doubt I will see him again. I have down days, been a few of those lately but that could be to do with the limbo stage and knowing this all happened a year ago.

My gorgeous date had to move for work and sadly, we couldn't do a LTR, I'm not actually sure I want a deep relationship right now. We're still in touch though

It's a long road, longer than I thought. I'm not on a deadline though, he is. His current tenancy runs out in February, he will want to buy a house with OW by this time I guess. I think it's going to get nastier

[optimistikcolouristik]

It is nice to hear from you cotton again. What a nasty person he has become. Once he was your soul and now he is your enemy. I think if OW was a nice descent person she could have asked him to be kinder to you. May be when he finds a new OW the latter will find out how it is to be in your shoes. I wonder what was he like before meeting you? I think you have mentioned in your posts he did not have that many friends or no friends at all. Could it be that he was always burning bridges behind him? A very selfish person. Does not treasure people's friendship.
Cannot suggest you much re the house. May be someone here can help? Your solicitor probably have already earned a fortune working on your divorce etc. You need a very good advise. Good luck!

[HettieBoop]

Divorce and separation is hard enough when you can look back on you marriage and say you gave it your best shot and parted with the respect and love you owed each other. Coping with a personality transplant and your beloved turning into your enemy is a jarring experience that I have also dealt with handful. It's a long road out from there, a hard road, but one where you learnt to accept the unacceptable and face the unimaginable. Watching you on this journey has been an inspiration. They say women are like teabags because you don't know how strong they are until you put them in hot water.

As for your ex, and mine, and all the other men who have turned on their once loved wives like this.....I hope that you, like me, can eventually feel pity.

The only thing that matters in life is what sort of men and women we are in the face of the various challenges life throws at us. Sometimes people throw their integrity out of the window for a short-term gain and I think the long term result is always misery and pain.

I know how hard this is for you but there is a quote I read that rang true for me, "someone once gave me a box of darkness and it took me a long time to realise that was gift too"

It's in these dark times you discover what you're made of, and what others are made off too. Eventually you will end up with someone who would be incapable of this sort of behavior and that person will be the one for you. All of this will seem like a distant memory.

[handfulofcottonbuds]

No, he never had any friends. I did always find that strange as he was a social person. All his wedding guests were family and colleagues - not one friend. Strange for a man in his 30s.

(You have a good memory)

I believe now he lives his life through his image, the professional sensible man and I am just a bad memory now. I know him, he doesn't like that, he has created a new persona.

I saw a recent photo of him. I showed my DM, she didn't have a clue who he was! He looks terrible but he has seemingly completely changed his style and prefers the tramp look.

Like another thread on here at the moment, I have no idea what OW sees in him now - money?? They are both greedy.

I'll never know so I need to keep looking after myself.

My DS came home last night a little bit drunk. I was having a down day and he hugged me and we had a long chat. He said he knew I nearly ended it all and without question, he would have followed me. It broke my heart.

Affairs hurt. I could never hurt another person like that.

Thank you for your kind words x

[HettieBoop]

No, you would never hurt another person like that, and you don't deserve to be with someone who would x

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Thank you Hettie - and yes, I have heard and understood that quote before.

I'm sorry for anyone who goes through this. I still believe that he has done me a favour in a strange way as I have met some wonderful people and become far more independent and strong again as I was before I met him - that's what attracted him to me apparently.

Last night's talk into the early hours with my DS helped. I had no idea how perceptive he had been as I tried to protect him. We were open and honest and he held me for hours. I am blessed.

[optimistikcolouristik]

How are you Cotton? How is life going for you? Hope it is all behind now. X