Wondering if he spiked my drinks...

[heyho1919]

Third date we went for dinner. He was driving and i ended up drinking quite a lot, but less than i have done on many occasions! He ended up back at my house and the obvious happened. For the ext few days i felt like i've never felt before, felt like i was going ot pass out, palpitations, etc. Felt ill for about a week. I'm wondering if he might have put something in my drinks? Or maybe it was just a stange reaction.. Any thoughts?

[heyho1919]

I reluctant not to pay him in case he gets nasty - he knows where i live.

Eddie, i don't know of anyone who can go at short notice so i reckon asking for the voucher (so i can see something another time) and then paying him should hopefully be ok

[GarlicMayonnaise]

Asked for the money back What a cunt!

As soon as you mentioned him whingeing about the price, I remembered a boyfriend I dumped ages ago, whose immediate response was to tell me exactly how much he'd spent on me and ask for a refund! That got rid of any lingering doubts

By way of a contrast and for benchmarking, I offered to return the jewellery (nothing major, but very nice & well chosen) another man had just bought me when I finished with him. He said no, it suits you so well :)

He's got no right to ask you, heyho, he's a grown-up and capable of making his own cheapskate purchasing decisions. For goodness sake, millions of us go on pre-booked holidays without the partner we'd intended to go with. Pay him if you want the tickets he bought; don't if he doesn't. Or be unnecessarily fair and offer to buy ONE ticket off him - yours.

[GarlicMayonnaise]

sorry *don't if you don't want them.

[heyho1919]

I told him if he gives me the refund voucher, I'll give him the money. He replied saying thansk, then mentioning the restuarant he'd have to cancel too

[eddielizzard]

don't respond.

he's trying it on now. what a wanker.

[heyho1919]

I won't respond eddie. This just shows my instinct that something wasn't right was justified!!

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Don't reply to anymore texts / emails.

He's trying to keep you hanging on and is probably sitting there in his pants waiting for a response from you!

Block, ignore and move on!! This is getting silly now.

[Twinklestein]

Think of it as compensation for the distress of wondering if you'd been drugged.

[heyho1919]

Thanks everyone - this goes ot show i'm better off out of it!

[Hissy]

Don't buy the ticket off him. A cancellation at a restaurant costs FUCK ALL, so is irrelevant.

He thinks he bought you before, which is why he probably did slip something in your drink. To maximise his 'return'

Fuck the tickets and don't engage. His loss.

No more replies, or this is going to go seriously off into very bad territory.

It may mean that you send one more text 'please don't contact me again' so that the police will act if you have to call them.

[Hissy]

Can you please see if you can find out if your symptoms of last week were consistent with drugging?

I think it might help you stay focused.

[heyho1919]

Thanks Hissy. I've told him I'll buy the voucher if he sends it to me. I can use it for a trip another time and won't feel that i "owe" him anything

[GarlicMayonnaise]

Pfft - you didn't owe him anything anyway!

Just goes to show you're a nice person, and he isn't.

[heyho1919]

It probaly sounds silly - but I'm feeling a little nervous that he knows where i live

[heyho1919]

He just texted again basicaly saying he wants to keep seeing me, and is happy to take things more slowly. Well if he hadn't send the text asking for his money back, i "might" have considered it...

[DustBunnyFarmer]

The request for ticket money now also seems like boundary testing to me. If you are bending over backwards being so nice & worried about doing wrong over that, he's having another go around at asking you out because he figures you might just be nice (read: lacking in firm boundaries) enough to give in. Stop being so bloody nice & tell him to fuck off, creepy bastard. Ugh. My flesh is creeping just reading about his antics.

[Foodylicious]

Just say know, it should not be this hard, this early and you do not have a future together.
You can be polite, but be clear x

[emriko]

What DustBunny said - he's testing boundaries now, seeing if he can cause more drama as you do the whole "what's a nice person meant to do" thing. Not nice people take advantage of the good manners of others - just ignore him or tell him to f off.

I'd actually be interested to see what he would do if you said "I'll send my male friend to sort out the money" - this kind of loser tends to thrive on trying to isolate their victims and screw with their heads, they're TERRIFIED when they know they've actually got an audience to their actions.

[OldLadyKnowsSomething]

His wish to keep seeing you does not trump your wish to not see him again. Hold firm.

[GarlicMayonnaise]

Oh, man how useless is he?! In the unlikely event he shows up at yours, tell him to go away and call the police if he doesn't. In fact, you could text him tomorrow & say it's over, goodbye, don't contact me again. SGB would advise changing that to "I shall consider any further contact from you as harassment", to make it utterly clear you're willing to call the cops if he goes stalkery on you.

Do you have reason to fear violence from him? Has he shown any flashes of rage in the short time you've known him? Hopefully he'll just disappear into the void from which he came. I wonder why this loser hasn't had many relationships ... !

[GarlicMayonnaise]

xposted with everyone else :) Correct, you do NOT have to be 'nice' and you certainly don't owe him anything!

[heyho1919]

Thanks again everyone :) No he's not shown any rage, in fact the opposite. He told me he doesn't like anger as his ex used to go "beserk" with him sometimes. When i was being very firm with him about the condoms issue and told him it was "non negotiable" he told me not to speak to him like that. Also during that night when he asked me if i'd consider "having something fitted" and agian i told him condms were non negotiable, he then wouldn't have sex the second time that night as he had to wear one - that just came back to me

[Thislife]

How many threads have you got on this guy who you have seen only three times???

[heyho1919]

I'm not sure if this is relevant but his relationship history is: one marriage he never felt happy in ( he proposed after 8 weeks) they divorced 10 yrs ago and he moved towns. The another 7 year relationship with the one who "went beserk" and she has moved to another town

[GarlicMayonnaise]

You told him a perfectly reasonable boundary. He told you not to speak to him like that What, how dare you stand firm on something important when it's his job to break you down??! The he refused to do it with a condom ... this was, presumably, supposed to make you feel all rejected & abandoned, so you'd go Oh, maybe just this once, and he'd have 'won'.

He is horrible.

You've dodged a bullet there, Heyho.