Wondering if he spiked my drinks...

[heyho1919]

Third date we went for dinner. He was driving and i ended up drinking quite a lot, but less than i have done on many occasions! He ended up back at my house and the obvious happened. For the ext few days i felt like i've never felt before, felt like i was going ot pass out, palpitations, etc. Felt ill for about a week. I'm wondering if he might have put something in my drinks? Or maybe it was just a stange reaction.. Any thoughts?

[blueeyedmonster]

I've had my drink spiked. I was absolutely pissed after one drink (I could at that point drink my friends under the table). I remember about an hour of that evening and I had friends coming up to me for the next week saying that I was doing x/y/z and it was out of character for me. Tbh I feel lucky that I had friends there looking out for me that night. It could have ended up a whole lot worse.

From experience you know in your heart quite quickly when your drink has been spiked.

If you are even wondering if he did that then I wouldn't be seeing him again.

[heyho1919]

and appearing a bit tight with money ( he earns alot and has no children) eg, asking for house wine, suggesting booking tickets for an event then exclaining at the cost as he booked them, etc

[handfulofcottonbuds]

I think it's best that you don't see him, speak to him and move on to someone who respects you

[Nealsey]

So you went out on date , third time, with a guy, you got drunk, invited him in and slept with him, he has been in touch with you since and obviously likes you.

All of a sudden you think because you got drunk and slept with him, he spiked your drink, someone on this thread actually suggested he raped you!

Please try to accept some responsibility for your actions. You slept with the guy, don't try to make him out a monster because you did something after drinking too much you now feel ashamed of!

[heyho1919]

yes, I'm thinking that too. Do you think the respect is about what happened when i was drunk, or the money thing, or both?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

House wine can be pretty nasty all by itself. Lots of knock-off stuff adulterated with god knows what out there. BTW... how do you know he earns a lot? If he spends like a man on a budget, chances are that's exactly what he is.

[GarlicMayonnaise]

From experience you know in your heart quite quickly when your drink has been spiked.

For god's sake, how much minimising can we squeeze into 30 posts? That was your experience. Many others have different experiences. I was one of John Worboys's victims and, like 60 other women, didn't even realise until I saw the documentary and memories started coming back. I also had my drink spiked with ketamine and had no fucking clue what had gone wrong. I felt like crap for a week after that.

Some geezer last weekend was buying me triples without saying. I knew he was, because I felt drunker than I should have (luckily, I have the alcohol capacity of an aircraft hangar, but he was still a dick.)

Heyho, if you're an habitual drinker then you know how drunk you 'should' be under various circumstances. You're saying something was wrong, so it was.

Have another look at this before you minimise it again:

he was worried that i was so drunk when we did anything and he should have been a gentleman and gone home but "he didn't want to".

He's TOLD you a decent man, a 'gentleman', would not have fucked you (or 'taken advantage' of you) that pissed ... and, knowing that he wasn't behaving decently towards you, did it anyway because he wanted to.

That's not a nice thing to say or do, is it? Given your other concerns about his weird boundaries, I'd say swerve him from now on.

[heyho1919]

Nealsy - the isse it that he may have spiked my drinks as i've fle tlike that after drinking. I'm a regular drinker and often drink far more on a night out with no real ill effects. Plus he was sober when we slept together and clearly he realises he shouldn't have done (especially the first time) when i was a bit drunk

[Tinks42]

OP, I just don't think you like him really... he has traits that I wouldn't like either to be honest. I don't think he's jack the ripper either. Im in the dump him camp....

[Adayinthelifeof]

Wow..... I think the poor guys needs to get out of there whilst he can. He goes on several dates with you, you get pissed, shag him. You complain he's tight because he buys house wine. You complain that he leaves you in his house on your own (i.e. he trusts you) and he gets in touch regularly to talk.... So, you jump to the conclusion he spiked your drink and someone else suggests he raped you.

WTF! Get a grip people.

[heyho1919]

Thank Garlic :) Yes I'm a regular drinker, and can pretty much guage who how feel the next day afer a big night out. This was like nothing I've ever felt...
Also what do yo think about the other stange boundaries, ie meeting my son, leaving me in him house
cogito - i know roughly what he earns as seen him on linkin and his company website and know the sort of salary he'd be earning.

[Tinks42]

Put it down to experience OP and move on?

[Tinks42]

PS, I don't like a tight arse either! and he does sound like one to me. Dump...

[Adayinthelifeof]

Hmm... Last time I stayed at a hotel the house wine was around £45 per glass!

[GarlicMayonnaise]

To clarify for some posters living in the 1970s - If someone is too pissed to make an informed choice on sexual activity, the person who does it anyway is guilty of rape.

I don't know the exact thought processes & activities heyho engaged in, and don't want that much detail. But the facts remain: she's uncomfortable about what happened; her hangover's disproportionate to what she drank; the man himself said he did the wrong thing because he felt like it!

While you're here, Aday, I'd love to know what you think about men who give the run of their house to women they've only just met? Freakishly naive or over-confident?

[blueeyedmonster]

Ummm I was minimising nothing. Yes I said my experience. You obviously have issues around this. Understandably by the sounds of it. But you can't say my post was minimising because of my experience. I knew my limits drink wise and in a window of about 5 mins I realised.

[Nealsey]

From your OP, he was driving, so being sober was expected i would imagine.

Assuming he drove you home and you invited him in, then slept with him?

My suggestion to you is, don't drink too much when you are out with a new guy and accept responsibility for your actions when you ask someone to sleep with you.

My girlfriend is affected differently with different types of wine. I don't drink at all, does that make me a rapist when I drive her home safely and
make love to her when she asks me?

[Tinks42]

Blimey, where on earth was that then Ada? 45 quid a glass? (tries to think of a place that warrants such a rip off)

[heyho1919]

Aday you obviously go to differnet sorts of places to me. In this restaurant - house wine 15 per bottle, others 18 and up
Garlic - what do you think about him leaving me in the house? I've never have dreamt of it afer 4 dates!!!!

[Adayinthelifeof]

Garlic - The op has not once talked about an issues with the fact they had sex. To start making comments of rape on such little evidence of the fact is just ridiculous. Maybe the OP shouldn't drink so much when on a date with a new guy. How about that?

Personally I can do two bottles of red and wake up feeling like I've had nothing and other times I can be rough as he'll for 2 or 3 days.

[Adayinthelifeof]

I'm not meaning to cause agro here but I've read the posts and they're just outrageous. Not necessarily the OP's but the ones where it escalated to rape is just silly with such little info. Especially when the OP herself doesn't seem to see there's an issue with the drunken sex.

I was just saying that house wine isn't always cheap. Depends where you go. If it's £18 a bottle where you go then it's still going to be £5 or £6 a glass which I wouldn't say is particularly cheap. He could have bought you a Strongbow:) What drinks were you buying when it was your round?

[heyho1919]

He bought dinner and wine once and i i did the same the next time

[Tinks42]

Leaving you in his house was a very trusting thing to do unless it was a weekend and he just sort of buggered off? Not sure what the hell you are going on about here to be honest?

[GarlicMayonnaise]

I don't know about the house thing, tbh. I have done that many times, and been left to lock up after one-nighters at other people's houses. My boundaries were all over the place back then, though, and I feel it was very unwise. I wouldn't give anyone the run of my place now, unless I already know them very well & trust them.

The overall impression about this chap is that certain things aren't sitting right with you, you didn't feel good about the other night, and he has literally told you he put his wishes over respect for your well-being. You know what they say: when a man tells you who he is, listen! He said "I know how to do right by you, I know I didn't, and I don't care."

Swerve! There are loads of men you can get completely rat-arsed with, feel unbelievably comfortable & happy about it, and shag them after breakfast if you both feel like it.

[Tinks42]

I tend to go with garlic on this now...