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Original poster

Wondering if he spiked my drinks...

210 replies

heyho1919 · 24/05/2014 22:27

Third date we went for dinner. He was driving and i ended up drinking quite a lot, but less than i have done on many occasions! He ended up back at my house and the obvious happened. For the ext few days i felt like i've never felt before, felt like i was going ot pass out, palpitations, etc. Felt ill for about a week. I'm wondering if he might have put something in my drinks? Or maybe it was just a stange reaction.. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Adayinthelifeof · 25/05/2014 00:10

I leave workmen in my house when I've never met them. Never mind someone I've been seeing and sleeping with.

At the end of the day what are they going to do in your house? Sniff your knickers?

GarlicMayonnaise · 25/05/2014 00:10

Aday - it's in the legal definition of rape. I'm not saying OP needs to report him to the police. I think it's a great pity this has to be spelled out by the law, as it should be obvious to anyone who understands about informed consent, let alone honest respect for other people. Threads on here keep demonstrating why the law needs to spell it out, though.

Adayinthelifeof · 25/05/2014 00:10

I do however agree that you need to go your own way and dump the guy. It's clearly not right for you.

Adayinthelifeof · 25/05/2014 00:13

The OP never once said she didn't give consent! She also never said she was too passed to give consent! It's just very sad that accusations of rape get chucked around like that.

FastWindow · 25/05/2014 00:22

Maybe someone else spiked the drink.

If the bloke is giving you the weird signals, leave him be. As with any other new man.

ThingsThatShine · 25/05/2014 01:39

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GarlicMayonnaise · 25/05/2014 01:56

While refusing to get into a battle over principles here, I will point out that Heyho's date evidently wasn't clear about her ability to provide informed consent, or why did he say he should have gone home?

ThingsThatShine · 25/05/2014 02:02

Not sure how you get from that remark that he didn't think she was able to consent.

You seem to have just made up your own version of events.

GarlicMayonnaise · 25/05/2014 02:03

"Encouraging and reciprocating" often happen during rohypnol rapes, by the way, which is the real reason the law was made that much more specific. If a person has been rendered compliant, they've been coerced.

I'm still startled by the amount of fuzzy thinking about consent, but I am determined not to get into it on heyho's thread! It'll come up again Grin

GarlicMayonnaise · 25/05/2014 02:03

No, it's your fuzzy thinking that makes it seem unclear. Never mind.

ThingsThatShine · 25/05/2014 02:14

I don't have fuzzy thinking about consent. I have been raped and I find it extremely offensive that you are shouting rape when someone has consented. You are the one who is fuzzy and being utterly ridiculous. I honestly think you should be ashamed of yourself.

OP I am sorry for derailing on your thread but garlic has pissed me right off with her nonsense.

GarlicMayonnaise · 25/05/2014 02:31

I haven't 'shouted rape'. I've elucidated some questions of boundaries and consent. Not all of them; some of the basics. I haven't 'shouted rape'.

As it goes, I didn't shout rape any of the times I was raped. One time, I didn't even know anything had happened. Worboys knew what he was doing, though; he didn't mistake compliance for consent. Neither should anyone else. I'm sorry you've had such a horrible experience. I'm sorry, too, that it seems to have left you feeling there are levels of discomfort which, being less than what you suffered, should be dismissed or ignored. I'm sorry if you don't yet feel entirely confident about which behaviours are inconsiderate or abusive. If not yet, I hope you will very soon.

In Canada they've done away with the crime of rape, introducing instead a raft of crimes of sexual abuse. Perhaps this is constructive, rape being such a loaded word. At the same time, they defined consent as 'continuous and enthusiastic' alongside the guidelines we have about conscious & informed consent. English law does in fact respect this principle (in letter, if not often enough in execution.)

^^ There's the post I wasn't going to write! I'm off to bed. Goodnight.

Aussiemum78 · 25/05/2014 04:45

Op were you able to initiate safe sex?

I would be extremely upset if he (being sober) didn't make sure of it because he could see your judgment was impaired.

Hissy · 25/05/2014 06:00

If a person even suspects their date has spiked their drink to sleep with them, it really has to be GAME OVER.

Bowlersarm · 25/05/2014 06:48

I think you need to stop seeing him, for his sake, quite honestly.

Huge over reactions on this thread. Good old mumsnet.

paxtecum · 25/05/2014 08:14

Op: like others have said, maybe you need to dump him if you don't trust him.

This is not directed at you, just my opinions that no doubt will be slated:

Women need to empower themselves by staying in control of their actions.

If women get so drunk they that they don't know what they are doing and wake up next to some random bloke, can't even remember if they have had sex or not, there is something very wrong with them.

To then decide that they were too drunk to have consented, so it must be rape is odd to my mind.

A male work colleaugue went to a party with some old friends, everyone had quite a few drinks, he ended up having consensual sex with one of the single women, whom he had known for years. The next morning she mentioned to her female friend that she regretted it and she wouldn't have done it if she had been sober, so the friend told her to report him for rape.

Nealsey · 25/05/2014 08:22

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silkknickers · 25/05/2014 08:32

heyho your gut feeling seems to be that there is something odd or uncomfortable with this man. Go with your gut's advice, rather than the advice of a bunch of strangers.

EasyTigeress · 25/05/2014 08:33

I drank 4 glasses of wine last night and feel rough this morning.

Last week I drank my body weight in booze on a day/night out and didn't feel this bad.

Alcohol can have vastly different affects on you at different times. For example when you're already coming down with something, time of the month, general emotional well being etc.

Fwiw most bar staff are trained to watch out for alcohol spiking.

In saying all of that, go with your gut. Trust your instinct on this. I also don't think much of him for pursuing sex. By all means stay over but sex would be off the table if I was him.

paxtecum · 25/05/2014 08:45

Yes, bar staff are trained to look for alcohol spiking.
It is also illegal to sell alcohol to people who are drunk, but it does happen every day of the week.

People are out on the streets so drunk that they cannot walk.
They were all served drinks.

TheLowestFormOfWit · 25/05/2014 08:54

Was he buying all the drinks? Were you with him when he ordered them?

I have no experience of being spiked personally bit it's happened to two good friends of mine and both times they deteriorated very quickly - babbling, incoherent, unable to stand or walk, vomiting, etc.

Luckily, both times they were looked after by friends and managed to get home safely.

If you can remember everything that happened then I'd say it's unlikely you were spiked with a drug. Although it's possible he was buying you bigger measures.

Tbh nothing else you're saying about him makes me think he's particularly sinister.

I don't think him leaving you alone at his place is especially weird. Asking to meet your son is overstepping a bit. And the thing about you being drunk and him not being a gentleman just sounds inept to me.

Added to the tightness, he's probably just a common or garden variety knob.

You sound a bit nervy. Whether it's because this guy is setting of your spidey senses for some reason, or you're out of practice with dating and want to avoid meeting dickheads, maybe there are some things you could do to make sure you feel a bit safer and in control when you're out dating. Like buying your own drinks, pre-arranging your own cab home, etc.

TheLowestFormOfWit · 25/05/2014 08:55

*but, not bit.

*off, not of.

Original poster
heyho1919 · 25/05/2014 09:12

We took turns to buy drinks but i did opo to the loo a couple of times.

I'm might be overthinking all this - still think that him admitting he knew i'd drunk alot, he shoud have been a gentleman and left but dedicded not to. he asid he thought i might take offence if he put a stop to things that night. I'm just not sure what to do..We have a show booked for the weekend (the one he suggested and then exclaimed at the cost of the tickets - he decide to get cheaper tickets). I guess i'm not used to guys who are clearly quite wealthy suggesting something then exclaiming at the cost...

OP posts:
Hissy · 25/05/2014 09:19

For whatever reason, your instincts are pricking. Don't ignore them.

Back out of the event and make excuses for not meeting up after.

Branleuse · 25/05/2014 09:22

have you considered you might have a virus and thats why you feel off.

spiking someone is a big accusation