Wondering if he spiked my drinks...

[heyho1919]

Third date we went for dinner. He was driving and i ended up drinking quite a lot, but less than i have done on many occasions! He ended up back at my house and the obvious happened. For the ext few days i felt like i've never felt before, felt like i was going ot pass out, palpitations, etc. Felt ill for about a week. I'm wondering if he might have put something in my drinks? Or maybe it was just a stange reaction.. Any thoughts?

[Nealsey]

Give this bloke a wide birth for his own sake,

He can't do right for doing wrong.

[Branleuse]

this thread is weird

[Branleuse]

why would a gentleman refuse sex with someone theyre dating, who wants sex as much as he does??

whats gentlemanly or non gentlemanly about it??

[PlentyOfPubeGardens]

Some of you could do with reading MN 'We Believe You' myth-busting page.

He knew what he was doing was wrong. He even said so, but he did it anyway. This is not your fault. Trust your guts and don't see him again.

Be kind to yourself

[heyho1919]

I don't consider that he raped me at all and was quite shocked by some of the suggestions that he did. It was clear i was consenting, if anything i initiated it. Something just doesn't feel right. I've also posted separately about him suggesting we don;t use condoms. We have since talked about it and he understands why i want to use them (although he still thinks there's ot point and they will be an issue for out sex life). He said he'd get a test done if i wanted him to so we don;t have to used them. I'm happy to use condoms!

[paxtecum]

I am very fortunate that I have never been raped and I believe that it must be an horrific experience that affects women for the rest of their lives.

In the Ops case, if we presume the drinks were not spiked, then to call this man's sexual conduct rape is really quite unreasonable.

[Foodylicious]

If you have not got that feeling that you are really looking forward to spending time with him then call it a day now.
in these early days you should be feeling tingly and excited, not wondeting whether you want to see him.
the only person you need to think of is yourself.

as for his behaviour ? Whethet he took advantage or not & whether he really is tight ot just prefrrs to spend his money on other things - only uou know how you feel about this.

sounds to me though that either way you are 'over' this and should move on.

dont waste anymore energy on this one. All the time you are with him you are not out meeting mr right or having fun with your friends.

[Foodylicious]

Oh, just read your last post re your other thread, what I said applies even more yhen I think!

cut your loses and let this one go, soon!

[bumbleymummy]

It doesn't sound like you like/trust him so let him move on to find someone who does.

I agree with the people saying that there is a big difference between rape and tipsy consensual sex.

[restandpeace]

Listen to your gut feeling.

[PlentyOfPubeGardens]

There's a bit of a difference between 'tipsy' and being so out of it you wonder if your drink has been spiked.

He did say then next day he was worried that i was so drunk when we did anything and he should have been a gentleman and gone home but "he didn't want to"

I wouldn't trust a man like that.

[heyho1919]

Yes Plenty, the more I think about it, it doesn't feel comfortable. I know i should have had fewer drinks especially as so early on in the relationship and i said that to him when he said about the fact he should have been gone home. He sent a text the day after saying he was worried i might have regretted what happened...

[bumbleymummy]

Plenty, from what I read, it wasn't her drunkenness on the night that led her to believe that she was spiked but how she has been feeling in the days since.

[heyho1919]

Bumble, yes that's right! It was how i felt for nealry a week afterwards. I was even having sort of faint feelings as i was falling asleep - i kept myself awake some nights as was worried about "passing out" in my sleep and not waking up for my son. I have NEVER felt like that - it was horrible

[Adayinthelifeof]

I think regardless of whether your drink was spiked there are several things you don't like about his character. It is a bit strange to suggest going to a show and then cheap out on the tickets. Especially seen as you say he's reasonably wealthy and also if you've only had a few dates he should be wanting to impress you rather than appear tight so this is likely only going to get worse as you both get more comfortable with each other. With regards the house wine.... I quite often buy house wine. Mainly because a decent restaurant isn't going to sell a crap house wine. There's a good chance it'll be a decent bottle. Unless it's a crap restaurant and then your buggered:)

I seem to remember the thread about condoms and it is also a bit strange to be suggesting this so early into a new relation ship with a new partner.

I think there definitely are some warning signs but I also think the thread has got a little out of hand.

Just put it all down to experience, finish with the guy and move on, and don't get so pissed if you go out on a date next time.

[differentnameforthis]

So a thread that started off about you thinking he spiked your drink, is now about how "tight" he is. In most cases, house wine is acceptable & I wouldn't call anyone tight for ordering it. There isn't much difference between a 15pound bottle of wind & 18, in some places.

Being shocked at the price of an event isn't being tight with money.

You seem to labour on those points more than the possible 'spiking', to be honest.

In any event, the money is obviously a huge issue (looking at his linkd in & seeing what he earns) so perhaps you should decide to call it a day for that reason.

[intheenddotcom]

Sounds like you don't trust him so knock it on the head now.

Spikes are designed to either knock you out, make you forget or make you immobile, doesn't sound like that happened. A spike's symptoms won't last for a week, most are undetectable within 24 hours.

[EasyTigeress]

OP

Your subsequent posts make you sound entitled and quite honestly a bit of a gold digger.

[loopylou6]

This thread is insane

[heyho1919]

I wasn't looking on linkedin to see what he earns - it's a good check ot see if someone does what they say they do - not a bad idea when meeting a complete stranger from a dating site. Most people do it.

I'm not a gold digger at all! It's ore about what Aday said - he suggests a show, says he'll book then complains at the cost. Not what you'd expect so early on in a relatiosnhip.
It's clear he didn't spike my drinks wih drugs now, but still doesn't explain how i felt afterwards.. And of course he felt he was behaving inappropriately, but did it anyway

[handfulofcottonbuds]

I agree, this thread has gone off on so many different tangents.

OP, just politely decline further dates, life's too short!

[EasyTigeress]

OP, just politely decline further dates, life's too short!

I agree, he's clearly not doing it for you so easier all round if you call it a day now I think.

[GarlicMayonnaise]

Glad to see you're standing up for yourself, heyho :)

Yeah, this thread's weird! Bottom line, though, is you don't have to share your time & body with anyone you feel uncomfortable about. You are the boss of you!

He does sound like a twonk, all things considered. You can do much better than a twonk!

[heyho1919]

Thanks Garlic :) Yes it probably does seem a bit of a weird thread,but so do many others!! Each situation is unique.

Can i ask what you think is "twonk like"?!

[GarlicMayonnaise]

Well, whining over prices is bad manners. Asking to meet your son doesn't make sense by normal social rules; it suggests he doesn't understand (or doesn't care) about respecting people's personal lives - it's invasive, in a way. I had put the condom thing down to trying his luck & backing down reasonably when you said no. But then I read your earlier thread about him, when it looked like he lies to the women in his life for manipulative reasons. I went off him then but, as I don't tend to remember who posted which thread, only twigged last night that it's the same man.

The incident you've described on this thread is all about him pushing your boundaries again. It's bad manners, to say the least, to have sex with a very pissed person when you're sober; the fact that he even said as much shows he wants to see whether you'll put up with being 'taken advantage of'. This kind of boundary-pushing leads to the bar for acceptable behaviour moving a bit lower with each thing you let slide - boiled frog parable.

All things considered, I suspect this could end up very badly if you choose to further the relationship. Even without that thought, you do deserve better than a man with bad manners who makes you feel doubtful. You deserve to feel happy, secure and respected in your relationships. We all do!