Anyone have or want a old fashioned relationship ? Do men just want to take the lead ,?

[Blossum123]

I'm new so if in the wrong place sorry .
Iv been married 10 years - 2 children . I have worked a lot of hours while bringing the kids up - iv now changed jobs and we have a more traditional role where he is the main wage provider and I'm at home and support him . Our relationship is so much better . I can really see the benifits of a more traditional relationship - anyone found the same ?i love being his wife and taking care of him and in return he does the same x

[Fairenuff]

I called you sexist because of your gender stereotyping in your posts.

[Maisie0]

Offred You seem to be saying that you are "challenging" views, but actually why do you need to challenge if someone else will and want to discuss a topic with you ? There should not need to be any fighting at all.

You guys seem to paint as if you know how the world is, and I actually offered actual life experiences which supports the latter and tried to get you guys out of this kind of "text book" worldview that you guys seem to have and hold onto like it is the bible.

[Maisie0]

Fairenuff Before you guys go off on one. Can you for a single moment read where this thread resides ? It reside in the RELATIONSHIP section of the MN forum. The OP is not asking for asking than she is sharing her own situation and just want some kind of chit chat. That is all. At best, she is after opinions, and not a character assassination. I do not think that she is after a debate either. Or point scoring.

[Offred]

Well all your posts have been pretty preachy and judgemental Maisie, for someone who doesn't do judging or preaching! You're not the arbiter of MN either. If you think someone is doing something which is inappropriate then report them but otherwise you don't really get to tell people what they are and aren't allowed to say.

I don't get this stuff about textbooks either? What's all that about.

The op hasn't explained what she means by traditional. It could be that she's just meaning a SAHM which is something many posters are on here. It could also mean she believes in deferring to her husband's authority which is something altogether different.

[Offred]

People said right at the start if she wants to chat to like minded people she needs to explain what she means by 'traditional' otherwise we can't tell if we're like minded or not. I think if it was just about division of labour and not deferring to his authority she probably would have said by now.

[Fairenuff]

Fairenuff Before you guys go off on one. Can you for a single moment read where this thread resides ? It reside in the RELATIONSHIP section of the MN forum

Maisie I think you are the one 'going off on one'.

[Maisie0]

One assumes that if you are like-minded, then you would've understood the sentiment behind her thread. If you do not, and need clarification, then it means you do not "get her". If this is the situation, then should you not give the courtesy to the OP and respect her as a poster, along with following forum rules, and actually just act as accordingly ? Which is what many posters had to do here also. I mean, I was just saying that the missing EQ which sometimes is needed in a forum like this is actually missing from this thread alone too.

I just noticed that there is another section definitively labelled as "feminism". Ah, so maybe there are further threads there that you ladies may find of more interest.

Fairenuff Well, I know that I have to leave whenever someone calls me a name. Just like you have done so here. You already labelled me as sexist. That is me done on this thread. At least I tried to talk on topic for as long as I could. Is it a shame that the OP has to use the choice of words that she needed to in order to get validation of her objectivity of her own situation amongst posters of her same gender. It really is a shame. As I do not wish to fight I am off this thread.

[Offred]

People do usually have to explain what they mean if they want to be understood and the word traditional is quite subjective. Why are you so arrogant as to think you can understand the true meaning behind a subjective word typed on the Internet without it being explained? It's rubbish I'm afraid and you don't understand anymore than I do without further explanation.

This rubbish about only talking about sexism or equality on the FWR board is exactly why I am uncomfortable about the idea of 'feminism' tbh.

[Blossum123]

No only a couple of years x

[Blossum123]

Add message | Report | Message poster Fairenuff Sat 26-Apr-14 14:28:31
Is he quite a lot older than you OP?

Sorry was in response !

[Blossum123]

Fairenuff Before you guys go off on one. Can you for a single moment read where this thread resides ? It reside in the RELATIONSHIP section of the MN forum. The OP is not asking for asking than she is sharing her own situation and just want some kind of chit chat. That is all. At best, she is after opinions, and not a character assassination. I do not think that she is after a debate either. Or point scoring.

I wasn't after a debate - I hadn't realised that it would be such a issue . I'm defiantly not In for point scoring was just wanting to chat - maybe wrong place! X

[Fairenuff]

One assumes that if you are like-minded, then you would've understood the sentiment behind her thread. If you do not, and need clarification, then it means you do not "get her". If this is the situation, then should you not give the courtesy to the OP and respect her as a poster, along with following forum rules, and actually just act as accordingly

It's quite obvious that I don't 'get' her Maisie, I've said as much several times and asked her to explain but she either can't or won't.

Offred and I are not of the same opinion either. Offred is worried that OP may be sleepwalking into a surrendered wife situation without fully anticipating the consequences and I just think she's a standard SAHM. Tbh, I'm not actually sure what you think on this.

I've asked OP to clarify but she has declined.

I've tried to following your reasoning and you seem to want to lump all the men together and all the women together and assign attributes to them as a gender. That is sexist.

[Blossum123]

I certainly hadnt expected to be called a liar ! All very odd .some people despite not sharing my view are obviously genuinely nice people - and if we had chatted on a cooking thread it would of been different .
However some people are a best rude and hostile . I'm not sure there has been any need for that . But I think that says more about them than me

[BIWI]

Maisie What on earth do you mean by this:

"When we suppress our natural sense of self, this is whereby very odd and funny things happen. As in perversion of a gender. I see this as happening more and more now in this day and age. I hope to shield my children from actually being manipulated and perversed in this way in the future."

[Fairenuff]

Yeah, probably should've posted in Chat Blossum. However, you find that most people on mn are here for debate. And you did post the debate question 'Do men just want to take the lead'.

If you just want to chat, start another thread in chat. But it may well go the same way as this one.

[Offred]

Despite you looking for people in a similar position blossom and asking if all men like to 'take the lead', we're all still in the dark about what you mean about traditional and 'letting the man take the lead' 400+ posts on.... Surely it would just be really easy to explain so we could say "oh yes I have a similar set up" or "oh no, mine is different" and "I mean that xxxxxxx" so we could say "no I don't think all men like that" or "yes I do think all men are like that".

As it stands we can only debate the merits of various possibilities and say it is unlikely all men like any particular thing because they aren't one big homogenous lump.

[AnnieLobeseder]

"it is unlikely all men like any particular thing because they aren't one big homogenous lump"

I was going to disagree with you, Offred, and say that all men like boobies. But then I remembered that some are gay. So you're probably right

[Offred]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[Offred]

I was thinking of their own willies when I put 'unlikely' tbh! They do seem to be born with willy obsession but then girls also seem to be partial to a regular fiddle in a similar vein too... If that really doesn't translate into adulthood I reckon there's a strong case that it is socially constructed ideas about each gender's sexuality that are to blame.

[Blossum123]

Oh I hadn't seen the specific chat section x

[Custardo]

blossum123, ignnore the twatty posters, they will always be on any given thread with their professionally offendedness.

anyway,

i have my own sense of self, i have been married 25 years, i have three gorwn up kids and we have gone through many phases - i have been at hme, he has been at home, both studying with kids, both working etc -

i did find pretty early on, that i could not let my sense of self be wrapped up in dh, i am happy with him ( most of the time) however i do not rely on him for my happiness. i have my own friends i go out and see, my own interests and hobbies etc - i have a life he isn't part of, and i thinkas long as you do, that will be good, becuase if you have nothing to bring to a conversation but " oh you won't believe how difficult it was to stack the dishwasher" you will become dull

[MorrisZapp]

Thread title asks a question. Nobody gets to police who answers it.

Do men like taking the lead. I don't know. Give examples of taking the lead.

Etc etc, fourteen pages of bizarre circular posting and nobody having any idea of what OP actually means.

Maybe one of the posters who says they too are like the OP could elaborate on the thread title, and tell us how their man takes the lead.

[Maisie0]

Blossum I apologise for getting involved in the diversion of the thread. My answer to the open question is below.

Do I have this kind of setup now ? No, I don't actually. I am still a singleton. Do I want this ? Yes, I would love it if it can happen for me too. Do men just want to take the lead? In my honest opinion, I think if you have a very close relationship with your partner, a part of the guy may actually want to take care of you. I just feel that this is just natural. (Regardless of whether they tell this to you directly or not sometimes.) I do think that it is indeed a luxury in this day and age to be a stay at home mom, but if I can afford to, and my partner is okay with this, then I too would want to spend more time with my children if I had any. I do believe that the children can be more secure and they have more empathetic skills if they are raised by people in a more loving nature. I once read that when children are born, they need to associate to a "primary carer" to fulfill their own needs. Most often, I take this to be the mother. But in a very close and secure environment, this intrinsic needs is lessened and you can see the behaviour and the comfort of the child when they grow.

My sister is a stay at home mom now, and I can see the benefit, and my nephew is also quite confident as well overall. I am quite surprised by the difference between him and my other nephew who did not have his mom looking after him all this time. I can also often tell that my SIL also do try and now "compensate" too for my nephew for not being there when he was younger. The spoiling thing has started to occur as well. So it also does affect the mother too.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Blossum

What do you mean by take the lead? I may be dim, but it seems that it is you who takes the lead in many ways.
For example if you are in charge of the house and dc do you have autonomy here? Do you do the shopping and organise things to do with the home?
My own similar experience has shown me that even though we have a traditional type of nuclear family, I wear the trousers

[BIWI]

Maisie - could you answer my question, please?