Anyone have or want a old fashioned relationship ? Do men just want to take the lead ,?

[Blossum123]

I'm new so if in the wrong place sorry .
Iv been married 10 years - 2 children . I have worked a lot of hours while bringing the kids up - iv now changed jobs and we have a more traditional role where he is the main wage provider and I'm at home and support him . Our relationship is so much better . I can really see the benifits of a more traditional relationship - anyone found the same ?i love being his wife and taking care of him and in return he does the same x

[QuietTiger]

Do I have this kind of setup now ? No, I don't actually. I am still a singleton. Do I want this ? Yes, I would love it if it can happen for me too. Do men just want to take the lead? In my honest opinion, I think if you have a very close relationship with your partner, a part of the guy may actually want to take care of you. I just feel that this is just natural. (Regardless of whether they tell this to you directly or not sometimes.)

I wouldn't describe that as necessarily "taking the lead" and I would describe it as a perfectly acceptable thing to want. My DH, for e.g. is very, very protective of me, likes doing things for me and likes to take care of me and do nice things for me. It makes him happy to do that, but he's not "taking the lead".

To my mind, "Taking the lead" is dictating or telling, a "partnership" is not

as an e.g. to the difference: I have a blue jumper...

1. DH says "I like you wearing that blue jumper you have because it suits you and you look lovely in it..." - I'm likely to put the blue jumper on because I feel good in it because I've had a compliment about it. Choice. If I wanted to wear a pink one instead, I could/would.
   
   
2. DH says "You will wear that blue jumper tonight." - Surrendered wife doing what she is told by her DH. No choice.
   
   I may be simplifying things, but that's how I see it.

[PrincessBabyCat]

I've been the bread winner and worked while my husband worked a smaller job and stayed home and kept the apartment in order. He's been the bread winner now while I take care of baby and keep the house (kind of) clean.

We've been just as happy both ways, I'd be happy enough to get a job where he can stay home with the baby while I go to work.

I don't think either of us have taken the lead though. We each have our own choices that we support, and we make most major decisions as a team.

[Joysmum]

I have to admit I'm another one who who like to get clarification if what is meant by 'taking the lead'?

In my marriage, we both delegate to each other in the areas where the other is better.

I'm sure some many feminists could see the fact that my DH is in control of many aspects of our lives as sinister or undesirable, to see me as being oppressed. However, there are many things that I take control of too. It's a partnership in that respect which each of us with our own specialist areas of contributing to the partnership.

[AnnieLobeseder]

Sigh. There's an awful lot of presumption on this thread about what feminists would or wouldn't find "desirable" in a relationship.

Let me clear it up for you. Whatever you're doing, however you divide up the chores/decisions/earning/childcare/housework - as long as it is genuinely your choice, as long as you are happy with the setup and are not putting yourself at any kind of emotional, financial or free-time deficit in deference to your DP/DH, feminists are not remotely interested nor do we pass judgement.

HTH

[morethanpotatoprints]

Bloody hell I'm a Feminist, always knew I was really.
Thanks Annie.

In fairness though, it is easy to assume that feminists wouldn't like the traditional family set up because we are being told this all the time.
people in rl aren't like this, but I've lost count of the times I have heard somebody criticised for choosing this approach and flamed, and accused of putting Feminism back years.
I don't think some people understand that you can choose this life if you want to, if it makes you happy. We are not all the same and everybody is entitled to live as they wish as long as they are hurting nobody or breaking the law.
Just because you don't understand or don't want this for yourself is no reason to judge others who have chosen a different lifestyle to yourself.

[AnyFucker]

You will never see feminists, on the MN feminism boards, putting down SAHM's.

If anybody would like to find me a quote, please go ahead but you might as well put your feet up and join me for a nightcap, because it just don't happen

[anonacfr]

The only place I've seen/read about 'The Feminists' specifically criticising other women's choices has been the Daily Mail.

Fact is people are people and I hate the gender divide talk. I don't see why people should be attributed qualities or failures based on their genitals.