Beyond pissed off. Do I LTB??? Wwyd?

[madcatlady444]

My DH is in an am-dram group, last night of show last night, his entire family staying at our house to watch the show. He hasn't come home from the after-show party, it's the next morning now and isn't answering his phone, but can manage the occasional text. I am so angry I am shaking, what do I tell his family?? Everyone is going to be getting up soon, I am so embarrassed. He's expecting me to make lunch for his whole family (10 of us in total) on fucking Mother's Day but he hasn't come home & is too cowardly to answer his phone. He says in his text he is with other people in the group, but I don't really care. He is just taking the piss, and i have had enough. I really really want to LTB, wwyd? I would really appreciate your advice mumsnetters, am I overreacting??

I think you're right Logg1e, that would be yhe ideal way to respond however I know I would find that impossible to achieve in op's position. I would be livid.

At least his family is having a front seat view of the selfish, shitty behaviour and disrespect he's putting you through. There's no way he can ever go running to them and say you were to blame for the relationship failure. Although it doesn't really sound like he cares what his family thinks of him, anyway. I would be so disappointed if DH did this to me.

Does he have the "find my phone" app? Could you gauge where he is from that? To check if he was with an OW?

I say this from a position of not having a clue how that app works.

West end actors don't do this. Ime they clear off back to their families as soon as they can if married/have kids etc. He's just being a cock.

Don't cover or him - maybe BIL will have a word with him. I'm sorry OP but you're not the one that should be feeling embarrassed.

My post just now was a knee-jerk reaction, that I didn't think through before posting. I was just frustrated that she'd played right in to his hands, and was she any further in getting him home to face the music.

I don't think she played into his hands. I think she went with her natural reaction.

Don't play games op. just follow your feelings and be yourself....

(For the record, not screaming has always been my natural reaction so far, I was not playing games).

Bet he turns up in time for dinner..... Star of the show and all that. Everyone talking about him, waiting for him etc

He loves the drama I'm guessing...

Op, I'm guessing the family are up by now,I sincerely hope you sugar coat nothing on their/his behalf, just the facts as you know them.

Good luck with today, maybe this is the straw that broke the camels back? Could turn out for the best, agree to being true to yourself when dealing with him, you're entirely justified, it sounds like he gives not one fuck what you think.

and

Unequivocally your DH is a behaving like a complete and utter absolute arsehole.

Am dram is a hobby, not a lifestyle choice FFS. The clue is in the name AMATEUR DRAMATICS.

His life, your life, the children's life and the welfare of the family don't depend on it!

It is a choice he is making.

Grown ups don't conduct a marriage like its a Noël Coward play, with flouncing, and huge sighs, disappear stage left, reappear stage right the following morning !?!

Tell your husband to get a grip, or piss off. Rude, inconsiderate, selfish, twattish, arsehole entitled behaviour, and in front of his family!!

Under no circumstance cook for his family to maintain the illusion of happy families, you are not. Your DH might like to go around pretending three nights a week, doesn't mean you have to live a pretend life!! WTAF?

Try really hard not to shout, I would be unable to contain my temper, as it gives DH an excuse to justify his behaviour.

Remain calm, "DH family, there will be no lunch today as I don't know where DH is or indeed where he has been so I can't possibly cater for you. I am sure you understand that I have work to do. Lunch is cancelled, please make your own arrangements." Then open books with a sigh, leaf through pages of books, sigh, stack and unstack books, wistfully, more sighs, perhaps a flounce, disappear stage left.

Best piece of MN advice I've ever read is applicable here, on Mothers Day.........tell your DH to

Fck off to the far side of fck and when you get there, f*uck off some more.

Contact a lawyer on Monday, see how he likes a real life drama. Twat.

I'd LTB just for taking AmDram more seriously than his family.

I'm sorry this has happened to you OP, I would kick his sorry, entitled arse out. Don't over explain/apologise to his family, let him do that. Here's hoping your day improves

OP

What has his SIL said? I imagine they are on your side. It sounds like he's done this at the perfect time for his family to see the real him and go on your 'side'

Contact a lawyer on Monday, see how he likes a real life drama. Twat.

^ Arf! I know we are discussing serious issues, but there is more than a germ of truth in ResponsibleAdult's advice irrespective of the witty delivery.

Well thank you kindly Dust

bows with a flourish to the audience, smiles to the middle distance, exits stage left.

OP, this is your life, you are in charge of it. Continuing the play analogy, as a third party, how would you view it?

See my earlier post. Good luck

Are you OK OP?

I'd be telling them the truth and asking them to leave before the lunch you don't feel up to cooking in the meantime. I'd take my DC out to lunch and then for the afternoon and leave him to stew in his own juice until tonight. I'd want to think about this one and be mightily calm when I saw him again. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Bastard.

Agree with all those who say no making lunch and definitely no making excuses.

I'd be asking his family if they could leave early please, and take his shit with them as him disappearing to who knows where overnight is an unacceptable breach of trust and you need space to consider your marriage.

Then lock doors, take kids out for the day somewhere nice and relax.

I'd have LTB the minute 'AmDram' was mentioned. Can't fucking stand those sorts, make me cringe!

He'd be long gone, no tolerance for such selfish behaviour. Bet he right pain in the arse, him and his 'dramatic' ego!

How are you doing OP? Has he returned?

But for them it's not 'just' am dram... Is a community production all that work etc. I two's for years to tolerate it, got involved backstage for a couple of years, tried to incorporate group members into our social life etc. Pre kids it was fine, post kids it became a nightmare - STBXH going off for 14 hours day at 8am when dc1 was 10 days old to an am dram commitment, 2-3 nights a week rehearsing Sept to May including most Sunday afternoons in Nov & Dec before the Xmas production on top of a teachers marking load so no evenings together(and of course always having rehearsals meant he gets behind with marking so then asks me to have Dc's on Sundays so he can catch up with marking and/or ended up working til the wee small hours to deal with the marking backlog) . Always the production comes first, never time for social life with me though. During show week he'd be straight from work to the show so not home before 11 (was on my knees with this when I had 3 under 3)etc.

He did skip one production when the Dt's were a few months old but then was straight back to it.

It is a hard one to juggle with family life I think. I never got any time off back in leui n but I guess there are other hobbies that are just as consuming.
Sorry am getting ranty.

Hope you OK op.

christ on a bike he must imagine he is the undiscovered star of the century...what an utter cock!

Chin up OP and leave his family to it...he can explain himself when he gets in

BigRed - thanks for the explanation of what it entails. Makes sense of what another OP said about how often it causes marriage breakdowns. It is a lot of time to be spending away from family. My other observation is that am dram productions tend to be a bit shit - my ILs are currently trying to shed a friend's expectation that they attend all her productions, as they find them interminable. Best leave it to the professionals, eh?

"I've worked hard on my play"
As I'm sure you have keeping everything running at home for rehearsals, play nights etc etc
Arse

Take your dc and go out for the day. Leave his family to themselves and your h can please himself.
Tomorrow contact a solicitor!
If he can't see how bad his behaviour is then there's no hope really is there.