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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Beyond pissed off. Do I LTB??? Wwyd?

216 replies

madcatlady444 · 30/03/2014 07:54

My DH is in an am-dram group, last night of show last night, his entire family staying at our house to watch the show. He hasn't come home from the after-show party, it's the next morning now and isn't answering his phone, but can manage the occasional text. I am so angry I am shaking, what do I tell his family?? Everyone is going to be getting up soon, I am so embarrassed. He's expecting me to make lunch for his whole family (10 of us in total) on fucking Mother's Day but he hasn't come home & is too cowardly to answer his phone. He says in his text he is with other people in the group, but I don't really care. He is just taking the piss, and i have had enough. I really really want to LTB, wwyd? I would really appreciate your advice mumsnetters, am I overreacting??

OP posts:
TheKnightsThatSayNee · 30/03/2014 08:28

It's just you said you feel really embarrassed about it. I would hate that situation so much I would anything to avoid it. But that's me.

LemonBreeland · 30/03/2014 08:32

He sounds like an incredibly selfish bastard. Let hks family knkw exactly what has happened and he can deal with their judginess himself later.

Ledkr · 30/03/2014 08:33

Is he answering texts this morning or do you mean last night?

Just don't cover for him,have lunch if you must and start divorce proceedings tomorrow.

If you've been thinking about it anyway then this could be your catalyst.

missisboot · 30/03/2014 08:33

What logg1e said

Original poster
madcatlady444 · 30/03/2014 08:34

His family won't give him a hard time, my mil (who I'm v close to) has put up with her alcoholic DH for over 50 years

OP posts:
Butterandnutellaplease · 30/03/2014 08:38

There comes a time when you have to call the bluff of a man like this. It sounds like you are ready to let him face the consequences of his actions!

Original poster
madcatlady444 · 30/03/2014 08:38

Ledkr he is answering texts this morning, but won't answer his phone, just so childish

OP posts:
43percentburnt · 30/03/2014 08:42

Don't cover for him. Definitely what logg1e said.

Treaclepot · 30/03/2014 08:45

Absolutely do not cook.
He can do it.
If not they can make sandwiches.

summermovedon · 30/03/2014 08:48

Tell his family the whole truth and say sorry I am so upset I need to get out, and go shopping and have lunch somewhere nice. Do not cook.

Hissy · 30/03/2014 08:48

You get up, make breakfast, if anyone asks where he is, you tell them he didn't make it home in a matter of fact manner.

If they ask any questions,you tell them that they'll be best off asking him, as you really don't know.

This is not about you, it's about him. His behaviour is no reflection on you. It's him that's let himself down. Don't allow yourself to be dragged into this.

Carry on with the plans for today with or without him. Or if saying bugger it all and let's go out is an option, do that.

LastOneDancing · 30/03/2014 08:49

Shocking behaviour.
No regard for you, or his family and not even the guts to answer the phone and face the consequences.

I'd be livid and would be putting on a performance of my own - mainly packing his bags with a dramatic flourish.

LiberalLibertine · 30/03/2014 08:51

What a twat, I'd be spitting feathers over this, and I'm really chilled out when it comes to going out/staying out.

Has he said when he plans to grace you all with his presence? I'd be tempted when he walks in, to walk out with the kids (sorry do you have kids?) And go for a nice day out. Let him cook for the family,I could not be guaranteed to not explode at him if I tried to carry on with the meal as arranged.

missmagnum · 30/03/2014 08:54

As liberal said, I would go out as soon as he arrives home. Furious would not even come close!

TeaAndALemonTart · 30/03/2014 08:55

Stop texting him.

He is a total cunt. Do as someone else suggested and be honest and tell his family that you don't know if he is going to be still cooking for them. But that you can't.

Personally I would LTB for being involved with Am dram but that's because the people I've met who are into that shit are all self absorbed twats.

Original poster
madcatlady444 · 30/03/2014 08:56

Thanks everyone for your opinions, glad it's not just me who thinks this is completely taking the piss. Really not sure what I'm going to do long term, I've just had enough of him, he is completely self-centred. I have a chronic illness & although I'm enjoying teacher training it is so hard work with a family & practically no support from him, his am-dram always comes first.

OP posts:
CheckpointCharlie · 30/03/2014 08:57

Text him and tell him he's making lunch and to get his arse back pronto.

cloudskitchen · 30/03/2014 08:59

Agree with Checkpoint. Tell him he needs to get his butt home right now or not bother coming back at all.

ExcuseTypos · 30/03/2014 09:01

What an idiot.

Yes tell his family the truth, tell them that you have work to do, so you're going to have to get on with it. Point them in the direction of the kitchen and let them get on with it.

And I would kick him out. I couldn't live with someone so selfish and rude.

LiberalLibertine · 30/03/2014 09:09

Text him saying you're in town drinking mojitos, so He better get the fuck home and host his family.

Thattimeofyearagain · 30/03/2014 09:10

Any sign of him yet, op ?

LiberalLibertine · 30/03/2014 09:10

(Speaking as someone who would enjoy getting pissed on cocktails at 9am :) )

WitchWay · 30/03/2014 09:11

Were you supposed to be doing the cooking? I'd just proceed without him & tell everyone that he hasn't come home. Let them be horrified - sometimes it's good for people to see folk in their true colours.

unlucky83 · 30/03/2014 09:11

I'd tell his family the truth.
Do you have to do the work today? I'm guessing if you have to cook and eat with his family you weren't going to get much done anyway..
I'd send him a text saying you have decide to go out with the DCs for the day. His mother probably would like to see him on Mother's day - it is up to him - not your problem. Nor is feeding and/or playing host to his family.

Get you and DCs ready and go ... might end up getting food in MacDonalds but...I assume his family have his mobile no?

If you really really need to do work today is there anywhere you could go to do some? (Cafe, library (Sunday Sad), college buildings) and leave DCs with his family...(feels a bit mean on DCs - depends on how old they are etc)

Pagwatch · 30/03/2014 09:12

God , you are doing really well to try and decide how to handle this sensibly when you must be so upset.
I agree with loads of others - prepare breakfast. When the family gets up tell them the truth , he stayed out all night drinking ,isn't answering his phone and you don't know where he is.
And say 'I am extremely upset. This is not the first time. If you can help yourself to the breakfast I have prepared you I am going out.
Go. Don't be around such a horrible situation for a while.

You are not over reacting. I would be checking into a hotel. Awful, selfish behaviour.