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Original poster

Just found out my partner has been in prison

311 replies

Milly101 · 28/03/2014 11:01

We have just bought our first together after dating for 18 or so months, we were round at his brother and sils house for dinner a few nights ago and the conversation came around to the max Clifford trial and if he got found guilty how long his prison sentence would be, his brother then says to dp "you'd know all about that" dp laughed it of and changed the subject.
When we got back to my place I asked him what his brother had ment by that, it turns out he served a 3 year prison sentence in his early 20s(he is now 36 and never been in trouble since)
I'm shattered my thinking of him has changed, I can't work out if I have any right to de disappointed annoyed or upset.
Any thoughts would appreciated.

OP posts:
Apocalypto · 28/03/2014 18:44

@Meepmeepvroom

It was the result of a fight that went very wrong.

What would a fight that went right look like?

PortofinoRevisited · 28/03/2014 18:48

Attempted Murder implies intent and planning. That is not a fight gone wrong. A fight where there was provocation that ended in a death that wasn't planned would be manslaughter. So someone is telling big lies here.

Apocalypto · 28/03/2014 18:57

there are some absolutely cracking posts in this thread

it's no wonder this bloke thought he could get away with this. he might have met up with someone like QueenofallIsee:

A friend of mine got into an altercation after a football match - he pushed a chap who was shouting at him, who then fell and hit his head hard on the kerb. He is brain damaged. My friend served a prison sentence but is NOT an aggressive dangerous person with a temper, he is a nice man who made a mistake.

Yeah right. If someone shouts at you obviously you attack him, what nice person wouldn't?

Or actually any post in this thread by MeepMeepVroooom

Just because someone has once been involved in a fight doesn't mean they are a violent person all the time

indeed - in fact just because someone is a violent person doesn't mean they are a violent person all the time. probably they don't punch every single person they meet, just the ones who are out of order. Let's not judge violent people.

...an ex of mine received 8 years (served 4) for culpable homicide....In fact he is one of the nicest men I know.

I'd hate to meet anyone you'd consider a vicious bastard.

Them Krays was gents.

Deathwatchbeetle · 28/03/2014 18:57

he says he never thinks about never dwells on it and kinda wiped the memory it never crossed his mind to mention it

Now that part is very worrying. Attempted murder. He is so okay with that he has no conscious about it. If he wired up differently to other people? Are you ok with that???? I would be outta there.

Apocalypto · 28/03/2014 19:00

@ pr47bridge

Oh, and the person who was allegedly the target of the attempt to kill came to little or no actual harm.

So he tried to shoot him but missed? Phew, that's OK then, the target came to no actual harm!

AmberLeaf · 28/03/2014 19:14

Do you not see the difference in outcome of an on target shot and an off target one?

The intent would still be punished, but obviously the outcome isn't as serious as if the victim was shot.

Yeah right. If someone shouts at you obviously you attack him, what nice person wouldn't?

That's very black and white.

I would guess that that man felt under threat from the person shouting at him, I wonder what he was shouting? 'Im going to kick your fucking head in' perhaps? That could make a 'nice person' react in the moment by pushing the person away.

Who really knows, unless you were there at the time, or have been in a similar situation, how could you?

FabBakerGirl · 28/03/2014 19:22

Apocalypto

Your posts just now have rung some bells with me. I was with someone who hit me then kicked the cat then hit me again. That would be a red flag if I had posted on here about it. I left him after he kicked her but not after he had already hit me.

HolidayCriminal · 28/03/2014 19:42

I like what Daniel28 said.

Gawd do we live in an unforgiving age... :(

matildasquared · 28/03/2014 20:30

Dear god the crazy posts here.

You don't stay with someone who was convicted of attempted murder (or any violent crime). You don't "talk it over" or "try to understand."

Yes the lying was gross but still the attempted murder is bad enough on its own.

Most of us go through our whole difficult and complex lives and never assault anyone. Really!

And YES THAT'S JUDGEMENTAL AND UNFORGIVING! That's why God gave us brains, so that we could judge and discern and make the right decisions for ourselves.

matildasquared · 28/03/2014 20:31

Yes that's "black and white" too. Some things in life are indeed black or white. Attempted murder=person to avoid.

MeepMeepVroooom · 28/03/2014 20:33

FFS - should they be ostracised from the community too? There are many different circumstances and situations that can lead to these types of charges. Whatever happened to second chances?

matildasquared · 28/03/2014 20:36

Is he not living happily and peacefully in the community? That's his second chance.

He may or may not develop some normal human remorse and stop pretending it's not a big deal. This is not the OP's problem though.

matildasquared · 28/03/2014 20:37

And the only "circumstances and situations" that lead to a charge of attempted murder?

That would be "attempting to murder someone." Really. Nothing else.

eddielizzard · 28/03/2014 20:42

i think it's odd that he forgot about it. i don't believe that. i think he's lied to you by omission. 18 months and it didn't come up? seriously? no way!

and how the hell do you manage to buy your first house with no mortgage?

this doesn't add up, but my advice is: follow your gut. if you get a good feel about this guy, stay with him but get the fuck out at the first sign of any shit. imo better if you end it now.

remember - he's waited until you're financially tied to him. you'll find it hard to get out now. that's no co-incidence. be very careful here.

matildasquared · 28/03/2014 20:42

I can't bear to read any more of the "oh haven't we all committed assault" posts, I'm getting really creeped out.

OP I hope you are able to get support from friends in a difficult time.

eddielizzard · 28/03/2014 20:43

surely in your 18 months together you've talked about your lives? what did he say he did in that time given that he's got a gap of 3 years?

MrsKermittSmith · 28/03/2014 20:58

I would want to read the court transcripts.

pictish · 28/03/2014 21:00

Can you do that?

LongTimeLurking · 28/03/2014 21:06

I think this is only a judgement the OP can make.

On one hand I don't think it is right to judge someone on something that happened 10 years ago when they have received justice and "done their time". And I don't agree he has "no conscience" because he has moved on. I think "forgetting" about it is clearly a coping mechanism and at some point you simply have to forgive yourself and move on from a bad experience, even if it was of your own making.

On the other hand 18 months is a long time to be with someone but not to be aware of a major life event like this. I would want to be absolutely certain that no other skeletons were about to fall out of the closet if the relationship continued.

superstarheartbreaker · 28/03/2014 21:15

I would run for the hills op. Do you really want his conviction ( and lies hanging over you) . He is not the man you thought he was.

superstarheartbreaker · 28/03/2014 21:16

There are lots of nice, sexy, kind men who haven't been to prison.

superstarheartbreaker · 28/03/2014 21:20

I find it odd how there are women on relationships board who on another thread are encouraging the op to dump someone for having a small penis but on here there are women encouraging a woman to stay with a man who had lied about being convicted for attempted MURDER. Hmm

FabBakerGirl · 28/03/2014 21:23

I just can't imagine telling my children their father once tried to kill someone.

superstarheartbreaker · 28/03/2014 21:25

I don't get how you can not judge people who have been convicted for such a crime, especially as he lied about it.

BMW6 · 28/03/2014 21:30

The way I see it, he has paid his dues to Society and now has a clean slate.
That is the whole point of our Justice system.

I would give the guy a chance TBH. There are no reasons to presume he would do it again.