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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Occasionally bothered by husbands numerous sexual partners

236 replies

pigletandme · 15/08/2006 21:15

Dh and i have been together about 6 years and soon after we were together he admitted to me that when he was alot younger (18/19) he slept with about 15 (he can't remember exactly) girls when he was at college - all his friends did the same and it was all "meaningless" He was mid 30's when we met and since the age of 19 only had 3 girlfriends and no other casual flings. He regrettted his behaviour at college and got checked for std's soon after he left as he was worried incase he could have passed on anything to a future girlfriend although he said he always used protection. Sometimes what he did bothers me (although i have certain things in the past which i would never do again)but i try to tell myself it was all such a long time ago and his "relationship history" since the age of 19 has been quite tame. I suppose i should put it out of my mind once and for all?

OP posts:
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 15/08/2006 21:17

One of my exs had slept with over 90 women. I was the best though even if i do say so myself

Original poster
pigletandme · 15/08/2006 21:33

90?!!!!!!

OP posts:
clumsymum · 15/08/2006 21:38

piglet, you just have to let it go. DH and I met in our 30's, he was divorced, and it seems he had a fairly wild time mid teens too. But it really doesn't matter, it was in his past, at a time when he couldn't ever envisage being with someone 'for life'

What matters to me is that dh now feels that he doesn't want to sleep with anyone but me, ever.

Original poster
pigletandme · 15/08/2006 21:40

sometimes bothers me that he can't even remember exactly how many partners he had at college

OP posts:
Tash351 · 15/08/2006 21:49

well i would say it's better he has had a past, you know, been there done that.. at least you know no more seeds need to be sowed!

bramblina · 15/08/2006 21:49

That shows you how unimportant they were though, doesn't it? Would you rather he remembered each one's name and full details and told you all about them?! I certainly wouldn't!

fattiemumma · 15/08/2006 22:06

to be honest i think that for a young single teenage lad 15 in a couple of years is quite a relativly small number.

i know to us women the idea of having 15 flings sounds horrid (or quite appealing lol) but its different for men.

as yuohave said this was some 15-20 years ago and he certainly doesn't behave like that now so what is it that you worry about?
he sounds like a very responsible and careing man who has doen waht he can to ensure his past does not catch up with him and bite him on the bum.

i don't see why your concerned

fistfullofbanners · 15/08/2006 22:34

I agree, this is not something to get worried about on its own. the difference between an 18/19 year old, and a 35 year old is huge, you should concentrate on his behaviour at 35 rather than at 18

Moomin · 15/08/2006 22:42

Speaking from the other side of the coin, I've had a 'colourful' past, stemming from a promiscuous period in my teens and then again when my 1st marraige ended. Dh knows all about my history and is completely understanding of it, ie non-judgmental, which means a lot. I don't regret my past but your dh is telling the truth when he says it doesn't matter, because I really don't give my past lovers a 2nd thought now, in the life I now have with dh. They were part of my past; part of experiences that formed my younger years and just because they were 'intimate' things that I did with these people, it doesn't mean that I knew them in a meaningful way. Some were as part of longer relationships but many were much more transient. I don't worry about them; and I certainly don't compare any of them with dh: there is no comparison. What I have with him is total, whole and what matters.

expatinscotland · 15/08/2006 23:04

Only 15?

I did go out w/a man who'd had at least 150.

That didn't bother me so much as that he treated people like shit.

People actually talk about this stuff?

I mean, it's in the past, right?

Blu · 15/08/2006 23:11

Piglet - 20 years ago, he had mature relationships for a decade before he met you...and ...only 15?

What makes you so worried about it, do you think? Do you have views on the morals of people who...make their minds up quickly? Is it jealousy? What is stopping you putting it out of your mind - or more healthily, laughing with him about it?

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 15/08/2006 23:13

DH was a virgin when we met. I was a very jealous insecure 16 year old who wouldnt let him look at page 3 so was probably a good job he had no experience (although I remember him telling me he had felt a girls bum whilst dancing once before he met me and I sulked over it for days ) He was 21 when we met.

I on the other hand have only had about 15 partners. And at 23 i think thats pretty poor!

expatinscotland · 15/08/2006 23:15

I don't know how many DH has had, nor does he know how many I've had.

B/c what's important is that he married me, had kids w/me, is making his life w/me.

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 15/08/2006 23:17

H doesnt know how many partners Ive had cause its my buisness not his. Hes asked once and then decided he didnt want to know. It came up recently when we were arguing (recently split so lots of cans of worms got opened) and I gave him a reduced figure (say 4) and he still called me a slapper.... Poor bloke has no idea what the word slapper means then obviously...

Toothache · 15/08/2006 23:18

I don't really remember exactly how many guys I slept with at Uni!!! Must have been about 20 at least. Why is it bothering you??? Its nothing to do with who he is now, or your relationship.

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 15/08/2006 23:19

I went out with this guy once who told me he had slept with over 100 women. After one night with him I soon realised why none of those 100 had come back for seconds......

Toothache · 15/08/2006 23:21

lol Tamba - quantity not quality!

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 15/08/2006 23:22

He tried to hump my leg. Seriously.

snowlenin · 15/08/2006 23:23

15 is really, really not very many! I don't think I have mixed in any particularly promiscuous circles but on the rare occasions when this has been talked about, I've been teased because I'm one of the very few people I know who'll admit to single figures!

I'm not trying to belittle your feelings but if you could see this as nothing out of the ordinary it might help. And you're DP's lifestyle and sensible behaviour ever since sound admirable.

Toothache · 15/08/2006 23:25

Snowlenin - the voice of reason!

expatinscotland · 15/08/2006 23:27

True, Snow.

If things are good now, what does the past matter?

Blu · 15/08/2006 23:28

My horror is that by the law of averages (or something) DP is bound to have shagged another MN-er at an earlier stage of his life

I have come across several MN-ers with whom I have freinds / contacts in common so it's not unimaginable!

And some of us might have been at other Mn-ers Ps and Hs!!! But a long time ago!

Toothache · 15/08/2006 23:30

Blu - I've had your bloke... he was great!

expatinscotland · 15/08/2006 23:30

I think I need to go watch the Sex & The City episode, 'Are We Sluts?'

I mean, a female pal dedicated 'The Ho Song' to me.

But it takes one to know one.

Blu · 15/08/2006 23:31

Toothy - he said you were v norty!