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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH caught masterbating

310 replies

Alexa007 · 29/12/2013 20:22

I know most ppl on this board are going to say this is no big deal but I walked in on my DH wanking in the shower today. Door was open I walked in to put some stuff away.

Naive maybe but we have talked about this before and he's always maintained he never does it and doesn't need to as we have sex regularly. We have been married 3 years, together 7 and have a dc aged nearly 1.

So now firstly I feel like he has been lying to me all this time. Fine if when we'd talked about it he said he'd always done it etc. but now I keep thinking back to times when he's been off taking super long in the shower....

Also, we have just come back from holiday together, if he was feeling horny why didn't he just get me, our lo was sleeping at the time.

I feel hurt.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alexa007 · 31/12/2013 10:09

Thanks tinkertaylor1

OP posts:
ALittleStranger · 31/12/2013 10:10

Very few posters are being ridiculous. Just quite a few are saying masturbation is normal, but so is the wish for privacy, and maybe your DH didn't feel comfortable talking to you about it because of your big repressed judgey pants.

everlong · 31/12/2013 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick · 31/12/2013 10:15

You walked in on your husband giving himself a treat.. you thought that was so abnormal and you were so outraged he didn't add that on to his list of shits you decided to post it on a huge Internet forum.

Then you get narky with the majority who are more or less saying the same thing.

That doesn't strike you as odd at all?

Original poster
Alexa007 · 31/12/2013 10:20

Abnormal... Outraged.....
No. Can't you lot actually read a thread before you post on it. I've said numerous times he knows I masturbate, I have no problems with it. That wasn't what the thread was about.

You are being judgemental about me assuming that I am judgemental about it. Which I am not.

OP posts:
Tinkertaylor1 · 31/12/2013 10:20

op excepts that masturbation is normal - it was never an issue

She also states the door was open which I would take as dh was wanting 'privacy'

If I found dh wanking I'd me more meh about it as id probably be down stairs trying to do twenty things at once with a crawling baby to deal with while he was having 'happy time' upstairs!

I can understand ops point. She was free to help out but he chose to do it solo , each to their own. She is allowed feelings about it. Doesn't make her a bad person

Tinkertaylor1 · 31/12/2013 10:23

Maybe if he expected privacy he should have shut the door everlong

everlong · 31/12/2013 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Peekska · 31/12/2013 10:24

He tells you how many shits he has per day, FFS. Having a wank is probably the only thing he can do in private.

As others have pointed out, having a wank is different to having sex. Sometimes people wank because it can be a nice little stress reliever. And that's fine. And it's also fine to feel horny but not in the mood for partner sex. If it was happening frequently, then it's a problem. But sometimes you just want an orgasm without your partner.

Thread is starting to look to me like one of those where OP comes in, perhaps unwittingly lights the blue touch paper, but then steps back for a few days to give it time to burn nicely and then pops back in for a rant.

ALittleStranger · 31/12/2013 10:25

She is allowed feelings but she cannot expect people to validate them when they're irrational and selfish as many feelings are.

everlong · 31/12/2013 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Neitheronethingortheother · 31/12/2013 10:27

I used to masturbate a couple of times a week but stopped completely 9 years ago for religious reasons as did my dh. My sex life vastly improved and I became dependant on my dh for all my sexual pleasure. Obviously I don't know if he is lying but I would be very disappointed in him if he was. His sex drive is lower than mine so if he is masturbating regularly then it would seem unfair if I am going without by virtue of not taking things into my own hands and by losing out on sex cause he is helping himself. I did ask him recently and he said he didn't. I would be annoyed if he has been lying cause I have been abstaining and its something I would have done more regularly than him.

Tinkertaylor1 · 31/12/2013 10:30

My dh will tell me about shitting. I never ask! It's something he freely divulges to my disgust. If he is struggling, if he has the runs, if it stinks I've even had a picture of a monster pooh from work - all of which I do not want to know.

I don't think op asks about his shitting,it was just a point she was making about how free he is with other stuff.

My dh denies he wanks most of the time . The pile of undies under the bed state other wise .

I think op came back and was shocked at the bollocks that was rumbling on when she returned.

Tinkertaylor1 · 31/12/2013 10:35

The point op was making is she felt left out. She would have been happy to make love with him. Not that he isn't allowed to wank. Op has never ever said he couldn't . he said he didn't , in which every one jumped on the bang wagon and making out she is oppressing him.

Original poster
Alexa007 · 31/12/2013 10:35

Exactly

OP posts:
Tinkertaylor1 · 31/12/2013 10:37

Damn you op for using the word 'cought' don't you know you have to check every single word you post for correct grammar and you don't use any word that can offend every fucker from here to to the land of Timbuktu !

Tinkertaylor1 · 31/12/2013 10:40

Caught* rather

everlong · 31/12/2013 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BananaNotPeelingWell · 31/12/2013 10:44

But why would you even ask if your dp does or doesnt? Why do you need to have an answer?Confused He probably said no because he felt like keeping it to himself.

CheerfulYank · 31/12/2013 10:44

Also dying at Mrs Neiljames :o

My two best (women) friends say they don't and I believe them as they've told me way more intimate stuff. Still boggles my mind though.

gamerchick · 31/12/2013 10:49

But wanking sometimes is NOTHING to do with sex. Maybe he just wanted to knock one out without having to think about someone else's pleasure.

I'm sure it's been said up thread.. why is that so hard for the OP to understand?

neiljames77 · 31/12/2013 11:10

Alexa, if I'd have posted on here that I saw my wife masturbating in the shower, when I was available and willing and now felt hurt because she'd previously denied doing it, I would (quite rightly) get flamed. You're lucky a lot of the responses have been along the lines of "leave him alone" or have been less than serious.
You CHOSE to be upset at what he did. You CHOSE to put it on a forum of this size. Now, you have CHOSEN to take offence at people who's replies you disagree with.
The person who doesn't have any choice in the matter here is your husband. If he visits this site and joins the dots and realises that you're divulging what he does with his body in private, doing no harm to anybody else, he might well make a significant choice of his own.

FetaCheeny · 31/12/2013 11:18

How can someone choose to be upset? Confused she obviously felt hurt enough to feel the need to start a thread. People shouldn't be scared of a flaming by posting how they feel. It's not like she said 'caught husband wanking and lamped him over the head, aibu?' This isn't even aibu, she asked for advice, never again I'm sure!

Original poster
Alexa007 · 31/12/2013 11:19

Ever long u are being ridiculous. He is 'allowed' to do whatever he likes

Think u are projecting control issues u may have on to me

OP posts:
Original poster
Alexa007 · 31/12/2013 11:20

Lol @ Neil. Because ppl use their real names right?!

OP posts: