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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DH caught masterbating

310 replies

Alexa007 · 29/12/2013 20:22

I know most ppl on this board are going to say this is no big deal but I walked in on my DH wanking in the shower today. Door was open I walked in to put some stuff away.

Naive maybe but we have talked about this before and he's always maintained he never does it and doesn't need to as we have sex regularly. We have been married 3 years, together 7 and have a dc aged nearly 1.

So now firstly I feel like he has been lying to me all this time. Fine if when we'd talked about it he said he'd always done it etc. but now I keep thinking back to times when he's been off taking super long in the shower....

Also, we have just come back from holiday together, if he was feeling horny why didn't he just get me, our lo was sleeping at the time.

I feel hurt.

OP posts:

neiljames77 · 30/12/2013 22:52

Maybe your missus said,naw he never touches his ting
Only because she's never caught me. And she never will because our stairs creak. Once she realises I've heard the creak, she runs, thinking I won't be quick enough to put it away. She needs to read a good book or something I think.

WarmFuzzyFuture · 30/12/2013 23:30

neil

Leavenheath · 30/12/2013 23:37

Arf at one study on Wikipedia being 'facts'

manaboutthemaison · 31/12/2013 00:03

Newbie here, Married guy in my 40's. Of course I shake hands with the bishop, ( I naturally assumed all men do). Mrs has always said she never has. If I caught her one day sorting herself out the only disappointment i'd have is that she wouldn't call me to watch ........... joke !

It's a personal thing, certainly not worth getting worked up about .

Angus99 · 31/12/2013 01:38

Leavenhealth. Every time you post my respect for you diminishes still further. The study is not by wiki. It is by a group of medical academics at the university of London and Oxford and published in the journal The archive of Sexual Behaviour. My post made clear the link from wiki to the academic paper. Do you like humiliating yourself by demonstrating at every turn your inability to read and discuss intelligently. I genuinely mean this - your desire to attack actually obstructs your willingness to engage your brain.

Angus99 · 31/12/2013 01:43

I now realise that all attempts at actually studying anything are pointless. All researchers are making it up. Perhaps they are part of some conspiracy. Thank god there's the threads on MN to help us work out what is really going on.

Lweji · 31/12/2013 02:25

Erm...

There are no "studies in Wikipedia", as such.
Wikipedia writers support statements with references.

The studies reported on the article about masturbation are:
the Kinsey report: 92% of males and 62% of females reported that they had masturbated in their lives
and Gerressu et al 2008: "Seventy-three percent of men and 36.8% of women reported masturbating in the 4 weeks prior to interview". And the manuscript describes that "Ninety-five percent of men and 71.2% of women reported that they had masturbated at some point in their lives (Table I)."
This last was based on NATSAL2, The National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyle, with more than 11000 people interviewed, with the questions about sexuality put through a computer assisted self-interview.

Tonandfeather · 31/12/2013 02:58

Trust me, if a man tells you he does not wank he is either lying or it is an issue that merits much further questioning, if only out of curiosity!

But here's this survey, which I won't bother to post a link to, which shows that there were actually 450 men who had never wanked in their lives

It's a reputable survey, even though I've previously told you those men were obviously lying

Women who don't know about men's wanking habits are as bad as men who don't know about periods. Forget for a moment that women masturbate too of course - and men don't have periods. Apart from that it's a reasonable analogy

Tonandfeather · 31/12/2013 03:23

And you accuse other posters of not engaging their brains?

Lweji · 31/12/2013 04:21

Assuming that all men masturbate is of course an exaggeration. However, the vast majority does. And I'd assume that pretty much every man with a normal sex drive will masturbate at some point or another and that the pp was right in that the ones who don't "it is an issue that merits much further questioning, if only out of curiosity!"

DownstairsMixUp · 31/12/2013 08:55

That survey was only done on 11,000 people. As i said, my DP has a wank if we don't do it for a couple of days, doesn't bother me, but to say "all men wank" is a bit ridiculous. No one can say they have personally knocked on every single man's door, wired up a lie detector and asked them if they wank reguarly.

Hormonalhell · 31/12/2013 09:02

'Caught' masturbating. Sounds like something wrong!!! Isn't this normal?

Original poster

Alexa007 · 31/12/2013 09:19

I left this thread and have just come back to it frankly amazed at the number of posts.

Thank you to the small number of posters who actually read what I said and made helpful comments.

To the rest of you who have jeered at me you must be so unhappy with your own lives that you need to make fun of others, and on a female dominated parenting website at that. Like someone mentioned this was in Relationships not in AIBU. I think I explained in the beginning that it wasn't the act itself that was the problem. The majority if you need to grow up and stop being so god damn mean on an anonymous parenting board.

We have a very happy fulfilling marriage sexually and otherwise and would not feel the need to jeer at someone else for a different opinion or way of living.

OP posts:

BillyBanter · 31/12/2013 09:24

Why did you ask him if he wanks? In what context? How old were you?

People wank. It's not the same as sex. It can be a replacement for sex if sex isn't available but even when sex is available it is quite normal to wank sometimes. As you are having regular and frequent sex it is not a rejection of you. He was just in the shower and enjoying his body on his own.

As for lying to you, well it just depends. For many people the belief that wanking is shameful can be quite ingrained even if logically they know it is not. So the context of his lie that he doesn't wank matters if you are asking us for advice.

Original poster

Alexa007 · 31/12/2013 09:33

People wank - yes I know. I already said above that he knows I do myself.

The context of the question or my age is non of your business, but we have a very communicative marriage, and he tells me everything from the no of shits a day to what he did with xyz gf before we met. So from my perspective that he fibbed about this was strange. Anyway, all talked about and sorted now, so thank you to the ppl who had something helpful to say

OP posts:

BananaNotPeelingWell · 31/12/2013 09:40

'and he tells me everything from the no of shits a day' Oh my..that'd be tmi for me.

everlong · 31/12/2013 09:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick · 31/12/2013 09:48

You do sound slightly controlling tbh. Why would you want to know every single nitty gritty thing about your bloke?

I'm seeing why he's kept something to himself.. have you told him you've posted about his fib in a very public Internet forum?

Seriously...leave the dude alone.

Lweji · 31/12/2013 09:49

People need some privacy in their lives. This was his last bastion of privacy and you took it away from him. :)

ALittleStranger · 31/12/2013 09:55

I can see why he lied. The OP doesn't exactly sound relaxed about masturbation. Depending on how the question was phrased it seems like a very natural, defensive reaction to quickly answer "no, not me missus".

Original poster

Alexa007 · 31/12/2013 09:58

Hardly.

Anyway as much as I'd love to lurk online all day like some of you, I have things to do so leaving now.

Sounds like some of you should stop judging others by your own low standards. I feel sorry for the people on here that have to put other people down - anonymously no less- in order to amuse themselves.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 31/12/2013 10:00

You mean you're getting defensive because you know deep down you are being unreasonable and need to cut your bloke some slack?

everlong · 31/12/2013 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tinkertaylor1 · 31/12/2013 10:07

Wow! What happened to when you could post something that was on your mind with out it bring torn to shreds over

Grammar
Your whole life be torn to pieces
Being ridiculed
Your marriage must be a sham
Your a shit dh/dw
Their a shit dh/dw

op ignore the posters on here that like to pretend they are super cool and liberal. To actually give a shit about your dh some posters take that as being weak/needy ect.

You seem to have a handle on it now! Ignore the shitty stick holders, they are only here to make people feel like shit!

Happy new year fuckers!

Original poster

Alexa007 · 31/12/2013 10:07

The thread clearly says that the door was open and I walked in. Like both of us would in any other scenario. Door closed don't go in, door open fine to enter. The idea that I snooped along and burst in on him is ridiculous. As are all you being

OP posts:

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