Whatnext074 is now handfulofcottonbuds - thread continued

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Both my previous threads have reached their maximum postings so I have decided to NC from Whatnext074 to handfulofcottonbuds - thank you to walkacrossthesand for suggesting it as it makes me smile.

My previous thread is here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1902849-Whatnext074-thread-continued still don't know how to convert links

I have had amazing support and advice from MNers since my H left me for OW - over 3 months on and I still can't believe this has happened.

Thank you to all those lurkers and de-lurkers who have contacted me to say that they have found the advice given on my threads really helpful to them too which is mainly why I am continuing my thread.

I have felt so many emotions, been distraught, desperate, strong, indifferent, weak, scared, independent and sad. What has helped is knowing I'm not alone and knowing there is always someone on MN who offers a hand and I will always be grateful for that.

I have a challenging few months ahead, mediation in January and divorce shortly after and moving out of my home. I am scared right now about my future, for 11 years, I knew my future would be with my H and we could handle anything but now I have to find who I am and create my own future.

Thank you for all your support - I cannot tell you how much it helps xxx

Becca - thank you, that rings so true to me. Yes, my loving, caring, wonderful H turned into a violent, nasty, manipulative monster overnight. He's having an affair with a colleague and is moving in with her in spring.

To hear your story gives me hope and it must have been a terrible thing for you to go through to say the least with 2 young DCs.

"someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me a long time to realise, that this too, was a gift."

I shall remember this x

Missed a lot of posts there!!! When I moved back to the family home I took two friends as lodgers and it was amazing time- I lived like a single student house sharing for the first time ever, we had friends over and even did 3 course easter lunch for 16 2days running. I think moving in with MAMMA sounds perfectxx
I am feeling better thanks, still bit stiff neck but nearly gone Yeyy,and no sorry MAMMA thats enough for a while for me

cjel - I think mamma is busy thinking of reasons why I can't live with her.....she's disappeared!

I'm glad you're feeling better and hearing about your haven helps me think of my future x

I'm sure shes just clearing a spare room for youxx

Beccawoo...I love that quote.

Laughed out loud at the comment "this is the last day of this fucking year".

I wish we could all go out together tomorrow night. Would be good company

I'll take a lodger in London if any of you lot are going begging

I agree sarajane. If I was on FB, I think that would be my status!

That would be good but no tears, Cava for mamma, ibuprofen for cjel, tea for R&B, red wine for me and dress code is hotpants!

Haha....
Not disappeared...one of my little ladies playing up tonight! Teething :(

Oh god- cotton, we'd have a ball. I'd have you swearing like a trooper and drinking straight from the (tesco) cava bottle!!

I've never sworn so much as I have in 2013!! I'd never said the c-word...well that's changed! Very therapeutic I find!!

:)

Cjel- your house sounds great...a real haven. So fantastic choosing your own things. I have loved living on my own to be honest- closing the front door on a clean house and knowing you're coming home to the same clean, tidy house.
That isn't to say there isn't room for a lodger cotton :)

And yes...can just imagine us all out tomorrow night :) at midnight we'd be the gang in hit pants raising a glass and shouting "fuck you 2013...."

Oooh ladies...it's exciting...2014 is going to bring good times our way...I'm sure.

Hit pants?! Hahaha!!!!

mamma - we'll see how my haven hunting goes, or I'll be on your door step with Tesco Cava and Sainsburys Merlot!!

sarajane - some lovely lady on here recommended a song for me, The Gossip, 'Move in the Right Direction', it's my anthem. Have a listen to it when you feel ready x

Hit pants!

Spoke too soon.....

Roll on 2014. It will be 2 years in April since XH walked with no warning and I still have bleak moments, but I know that it cannot be this way forever.

2014 has to be better for us all

I'd come but I really haven't got the legs for hit pants

We'll put one if those house name signs on the house and call it 'Cava Merlot' :) haha!! What fun Wed have- no fuck wits allowed sign on the front gate!

No tears at Xmas for us next year- we'd be too busy cooking for cjel, r and b, Skye and the gang... :)

A song I absolutely loved this year was Macalmont and butler "yes"..... Quite often sing it at the top of my lungs. Makes me feel 1000 times better, strong and gives me back my "fuck you" attitude when I feel it ebbing away....

Skye

m.youtube.com/watch?v=9wFaI7oJggI&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D9wFaI7oJggI

Hope this works...

Beccawoo that is very true I have told handful that I look back on the man I thought I couldn't live without and think how lucky I am that it ended and I didn't have children or any long term tie to him.

I think for everyone for whom this is fresh and raw it is good to hear that it DOES get better and if you let it life moves on.

My home would be so clean and feminine if I was only doing it for me. .. lots and lots of pale blue and white and big fluffy cushions to cuddle.

Mamma...no typos

Yes Skye...I love the put that. It goes on if you let it. You have to let it. I think the whole process is about acceptance. My lovely brother said to me very early on, when I was wailing and crying "what have I done to deserve this"..."I didn't have these children to do it alone"..."my poor babies" etc etc....he said "mamma, shit happens. It's happened to you. You aren't the first, you won't be the last"

He said it in such a way that he helped me to realise then and there that there was 2 ways. There was up or there was down. I had 2 little ones and going down wasn't an option. On my worst days of this year I have gritted my teeth and said to myself "I'm not the guest, I won't be the last" (to be in this situation. It helps to remember that others have walked this path and not just survived but thrived. Think that's why MN helps me so much...

• guest??? First....

New Years resolution, to type slower....

Sorry blue sky not Skye...

I promise I haven't even had a drop of cava!!

Mamma, that sounds great, reminds me of one of mine 'hello hooray' by Alice Cooper. Especially the chorus 'God I feel so strong'

I'm not sure where my hotpants went but I've got pompoms?

Right I've got the cava so I'm coming out too!
No hot pants but could wear party dress to celebrate the start of a new year for all of us!

Yes, although I still have bad days, it is still so much better than it was. Bad days usually triggered by memories or tiredness. Awaiting CBT to be finally free of my thoughts (hopefully).....

The only way to not let it drag you down is to not think about it. I know I'm on the slow end if recovery but I am still a lot further down the road than this time last year.

I am out with friends tomorrow night and I will stand there and think of you all and shout "fuck you 2013" They all think I'm mad anyway

Sounds good Skye - I will shout out the same!!!